Fuzzy Necromancer

When Lord Asriel walks into a room accompanied by a fucking Snow Leopard, that says things about him.

What the EVERLOVING FUCK does it mean to have an Elephant for a Daemon?

Lee Scoresby: …I was just talking about this fella I knew once, back in Texas. One “Mr. Ganges.” Yessir, like the holy river of India. He seemed to get a big kick out of referring to himself as such. He was from there originally, you see; came to Texas to make his fortune. He’d introduce himself with a big smile, all teeth, and a yell. “Mister Ganges!”

Now. Mr Ganges ran a network of Sundry Shops that specialized in Spices: made quite a fortune for himself selling coriander and pepper and such to frontiersmen and ranchers. He would laugh as he talked about arriving in Texas and promptly realizing that the key to his fortune lay in the place he had just left. He turned right back around and went all the way home to India! He visited old farmers he’d known growing up and loaded himself up with every spice he could carry in his wagon and made the long journey back to Texas for a second time.

By this time, he would say, he was beginning to realize his true talent: long range travel. We bonded a bit over that, arguing over techniques and tricks. He’d crossed the world 3 times just starting his business and it had been, frankly, easy. He seldom needed a map; easily passed through borders; and always managed to find friends.

Now, as I’ve been spinning this here yarn, I have been skipping over a detail that is rather large and important; an elephant in the room, if you’ll forgive the turn of phrase.

Image ID: three screenshots of social media posts by @thenutritiontea on facebook.

1st image: "When I think about processed foods I think about how I work with families in public health and many kids have food sensory sensitivities and foods that are processed are their safe foods. I think about how parents are so scared because they read hit pieces about processed foods and think they are wrong for figuring out how to feed their child so their child grows and lives. I also think about how I work with kids and get them to try new fresh foods as well that many of them are scared to try."

2nd image: "True story - a parent was almost in tears today because her child has sensory difficulties and cannot eat fresh fruits and vegetables. We tried giving him a piece of banana and he expelled it right away crying (no he's not allergic).

"I want her to know and to remember that she's doing a great job. She's giving him packaged food in order to feed him and nourish him. This is more than okay because we are all individual and food affects us differently."

Uma Musume style horsegirls introduced to the Forgotten Realms; setting's lore revised so that they've always been there.

Advancement rules now stipulate per-session XP bonus based on lifetime D&D Beyond purchase history.

Compendium of exclusive feat trees for specific gender and sexual identities. Bisexuality receives no feats of its own, being mechanically implemented as "half gay"; the resulting synergies are disgusting.

Editorial error in revised Dungeon Master's Guide accidentally refers to Dungeon Masters as Hasbro's employees.

"Noble savage" coding of barbarian class walked back, refocused on European folkloric touchstones such as the Ulster Cycle; all barbarian characters become Irish stereotypes.

AI-based DM service trained exclusively on work of Ed Greenwood launched; withdrawn a week later citing "guiderail issues".

Expanded discussion of navigating player expectations frames "not showing up at all" as a valid playstyle.

*As of the moment you first read this poll. Unless you already have specific winning lottery numbers memorized you aren’t going back with that knowledge. You can remember the majority of the information from your prior life, but it won’t cause traumatic/PTSD effects - it’ll feel like you’re remembering someone else’s story in great detail. Unless you do something to change it specifically, all world events will remain the same including major economic events, wars/famine/pandemics, etc.

1. I started reading/speaking/walking fairly early (at 2) so I wouldn’t be forced to pretend about any of that.

2. My mom is decently conspiracy-prone (though also smart/logical enough I can usually talk her out of them early) so I’m pretty sure I could use information she’s told me about her life to convince her that I’m actually a time traveling adult stuck in the body of my kid self. I was a non-religious unschooled homeschooler so I already had a lot of freedom as I grew up. I even asked her what she might do lol.

So I think I’d try to pretend to the rest of the world I was just a very talented child while working together with my mom to do as much to my benefit with future knowledge as possible.

As for why I’d do it, personally? I don’t think I could fully save the world or anything with the things I know now alone, but I could dramatically change my life and that of a lot of people around me/I grew up with, *maybe* that of more.

1.

I wouldn’t be disabled except for my adhd anymore, and my adhd got significantly worse after my back injury (yes it’s linked, complicated) so even that would be less disabling. This would mean that not only would I be able to retrain my body as a dancer once more (for those who didn’t know, I used to be a professional dancer) but with significantly more dedication and enough knowledge to seem like a prodigy taking to it like a fish to water.

I’d also be able to start seeking apprenticeships outside of montana sooner and know how to go about it properly, so instead of just being professional inside of my home state, I might be able to become part of a larger dance company and make a better name for myself.

2.

I’d be able to avoid or combat so much of the racism and white supremacy I dealt with as a child but didn’t have the words or knowledge to fight yet. I could help protect the few other kids of color I knew growing up and just. Make a lot of shit better. I’d also be able to avoid a lot of people that hid their racism or abuse - I would never have been enslaved, I would have avoided so much community abuse, I wouldn’t have suffered if I knew who to keep at a distance and who to keep close.

3.

I could’ve transitioned younger and gotten access to meds earlier. This one is kinda obvious lol. My enslaver forcibly delayed my transition for three years but if I know from a young age I’d have so much more leeway. I’d also have avoided a three year stint doing youth group at a southern baptist church that fucked up my shit and I had to unpack until I was 18.

4.

Lotta my longest friends (like @skelejor) are just weird enough that if I came to them and told them the situation they’d likely just roll with it from the jump. I have minimal concern about re-finding the people I love or who serve a specific role in my life and reclaiming them.

5.

Set up a Google digest for a bunch of terms like Bitcoin to get in at the rock bottom of things I know will become successful the moment they get publicly mentioned. I could also stop a lot of shit that massively affected my life growing up, such as a company illegally draining the bank accounts of my entire family (including that of like 3 year old me who was trying to save up for my first computer :c ) that sent us from being middle class to “juggling what bills we can pay this month” poor. My mom was very good with money and was able to give the outward illusion things were still fine after that, but they weren’t lol

6.

Bc of the whole “unschooled homeschooled” and the “coming back with all my knowledge” thing I could use the “young brain plasticity” thing to actually learn languages, learn more complex topics young, etc. I had a voracious desire for knowledge when I was a kid but didn’t direct it well.

7.

I fully believe that I could get some 4ch chud or three to [REDACTED] people like M*sk and Mold Queen who actively funded and caused significant negative world shit if I made a persona “predicting” real life events consistently and used that to feed them conspiracy theories and future knowledge.

Superman intervening in a conflict in the Middle East in order to save civilian lives

A twelve-minute long sequence where Lois and Clark debate the political and moral implications of Superman intervening in said conflict,

during which they note that the invading nation of Boravia is a close US ally despite their president’s shady track record,

and that the invaded nation of Jarhanpur having a controversial government does not justify the mass slaughter of their civilian population (who also seem to be primarily Muslim)

Lex Luthor is a billionaire misogynist with eugenicist overtones who invests heavily into propaganda and misinformation to make himself look good and turn public opinion against his enemies

Luthor is also privately allied with the Boravian government and is providing them weaponry in exchange for half of Jarhanpur’s land to develop in his own image

Luthor is operating a black site for-profit prison where he incarcerates political prisoners, whistleblowers and any ex-girlfriends that try to leave him

Luthor thoughtlessly murders an innocent Palestinian-American man just to taunt Superman, much to the cackling delight of Boravia’s pasty white president

Speaking of the Boravian president, when that guy orders a second invasion of the (mostly-unarmed) Jarhanpur, he publicly claims it’s to “liberate” the people of Jarhanpur while simultaneously commanding his army to genocide the entire population of the country

and as an added kicker, the Boravian president at one point claims during a press conference that Superman is only saving people to build a “harem” of exploited women, before leaving to privately surround himself with fawning young women, and later visiting Luthor’s private prison that’s full of kidnapped and abused women

The US government makes a big show of brutalizing Superman during his arrest before very publicly perp-walking him away (despite Superman actually turning himself over to federal custody, and also Superman apparently only being handcuffed with standard-issue cuffs due to the Earth’s explicit lack of kryptonite)

When Superman points out that nobody read him his Miranda rights, Rick Flagg says “you’re an alien, you don’t have rights” before shipping him off to the aforementioned black-site prison

In middle school biology, we did an experiment. We were given yams, which we would sprout in cups of water. We then had to make hypotheses about how the yams would grow, based on descriptions of yam plants in our books, and make notes of our observations as they grew.

Here’s what was supposed to happen: we were supposed to see that the actual growth of the plant did not resemble our hypotheses. We were then supposed to figure out that these were, in fact, sweet potatoes.

What actually happened was that every single student in every single class lied in their notes so that their observations perfectly matched their hypotheses. See, everyone assumed the mismatch meant they had done something wrong in the process of growing the plant or that they had misunderstood the dichotomous key or the plant identification terminology. And, thanks to the wonders of a public school education, everyone assumed the wrong results would get us a failing grade. We were trying to pass. We didn’t want to get bitched out by the teacher. Curiosity, learning, science - that had nothing to do with why we were sitting in that classroom. So we all lied.

The teacher was furious. She tried to fail every student, but the administration stepped in and told her she wasn’t allowed to because a 100% fail rate is recognized as a failure of the teacher, not the class. It wasn’t even her fault, really, though her being a notorious hard-ass didn’t help. It was a failure of the entire educational system.