Sparks

during the like first year of covid those kinds of ads were at their all time worst. every other commercial was like “we understand the already insufficient social safety net in this country has completely collapsed as this pandemic has revealed and amplified the contradictions inherent in the capitalist mode of production, and you fear for the survival of you and your loved ones…….. that’s why you should buy a swiffer ❤️”

old money (inherited followers from popular mutuals) vs the nouveau riche (rapidly gained followers by posting about cock or something)

I keep forgetting that “hi I’m johnny knoxville and this is a ceaseless hell of our own making” isn’t like a big tumblr meme bc it’s a screenshot from mancrushes dot com that my friend sent me once that only we know about. That doesn’t stop me from saying it every day tho.

do you see this shit my liege

I’m Manly Man, the Super Rich and Famous. Son of Robby.

I’m Eternally Radiant Baby

I’m field in the west, collection of stars in the night sky, a forest.

I am Born of the the Yew Tree, who Lives Near the Ash Tree, A Flower With Many Petals and Thorns

godgiven shoemaker

Blond Leper, Protector of Men

I am Pure, the Desired, Maker of Horse-Drawn Carriages

Sparkling Warrior

Full of Grace, Bitter, Little Raven or Little Crow

Princess and Famous Warrior, Constructor of Walls.

Of England, Victorious Son of Harry

Bitter Truth, Also A Redhead

i’ve mixed cranberry mikes harder and cucumber lime gatorade into a drink i like to call “the flavor” because like. you drink this shit and your tongue is like “there’s a taste here. you are experiencing a flavor” but when you go to open the door there’s no flavor there. it comes back with an undefined error in the flavor column. it’s the missingno of flavors. it so absolutely and definitely tastes like something and that thing is nothing.

im going to make this brb

this post reminds me of that one time a coldstone employee i knew by the name of jacob fucked up the ratios or something on a watermelon yogurt sorbet and produced an ice cream that genuinely tasted like nothing. not bland not water but nothing - like, the texture was perfect, your mouth reacted as if it was slightly tangy like most sorbets, but you actually tasted nothing at all. and if you mixed it with something it didn’t taste like 100% the other flavor either, it tasted like 50% that flavor and 50% nothing. like a distinct and identifiable lack of taste. my brain trying to comprehend the total absence of flavor became so overwhelming that i quit ¾ of the way into one scoop. we called it the jacob’s special and every day i long for its return

deleting files is such a rush… freeing up disk space… oh baby

I think we are running out of posts to make

Ol’ Two Terabyte Ted over here thinks they’re hot shit, huh?

God gives his hardest lemonades to his toughest Mikes

modern day who’s on second

“me saw who! me saw who!!!”

I cannot stop watching this video. It’s fucking hilarious and I’ve watching it’s approximately 20 times already

Everyone do this actually, we all don't want this to become a thing, so fill out their survey and tell them exactly why. This is the official means of giving our feedback, use it.

at my funeral, the audience will watch my favourite comfort movie and whoever checks their phone first gets disinherited.

catholic emperors would name themselves "pope innocent" "pope clement" "pope never did anything wrong" "pope tiny little baby" "pope good guy" and then commit atrocities

#pope just a little guy it’s also my birthday i’m a little birthday boy. the third (via lakevida)

“I wish ancient people preserved their writing and artifacts better” I write in electronic signals on a piece of hardware that can’t retain its efficacy for more than a few decades.

Time to laser-print my entire blog on titanium plates and bury them underground.

brb etching my one-star yelp review of the sheet metal supplier that sold us shitty copper on a granite slab