vampire lore collection

VAMPIRES BE WARNED if u don’t have any fangs u can’t just suck the blood out with willpower it WONT WORK but the victim mighhhht like it

wikipedia show me the psychosexual aspect of vampirism

I have things to say to this post but I am using my think method

wikipedia show me the inner workings of this twink a brain

I know vampirism is often used as a metaphor for the drain of the aristocracy but I think it would be fun to have more vampire characters who were just some guy before they got turned. You seek out the most ancient vampire in existence and find out he was a 40 year old wheat farmer in ancient Mesopotamia when he was turned 7,000 years ago and he hasn’t been doing much since then.

You’re like “Why do you sow and reap a wheat harvest every year? Is it to retain the memory of your humanity? In honor of those you have loved and lost?” and he’s like “I just like growing wheat. I think it’s fun.”

not kissing a vampire after they drink your blood is like not kissing someone after they give you head. Where’s your class. intimacy

you can combine these two situations too btw. If you aren’t a coward

Concept: in a setting where vampires exist and can only be harmed by symbols of faith (crucifixes, etc.), a James Randi-style skeptic/supernatural debunker witnesses his family murdered by vampires, and dedicated his life to hunting down what he believes are a cabal of ordinary serial killers with a blood fetish and some cheap plastic fangs. They die when he shoots them with an ordinary gun, granted holy status by the sheer force of his belief that they are actually just ordinary humans who will die when shot.

The reason the sun burns vampires is that all the plants worship it.

That is the single most insane addition possible and I love it.

Y'all have no idea how shitty the wifi is in my gothic castle

who’s cunt dracula. is she single

so i just found out that bats can purr, so does that mean vampires can also purr? like Imagine a vampire just like cuddling with their partner and they just start purring

I goodled it and apparently vampires can indeed purr

@thebibliosphere

As the resident vampire romancer extraordinaire, I can indeed confirm.

Why are vampire stories always I Want To Drink The Sexy Neck Milkshake and never two vampires texting about the passionate letter one wrote to the other in 1863 but never sent that the other just saw in the Smithsonian’s fall exhibition on Love Through the Ages and what the fuck, Claude, why didn’t you say anything

THANK YOU!!! asking the REAL questions

“And in this exhibit, we see the drawings that a child in 1512 made in his lesson book.” “I spent 350 years becoming a master artist, and THIS is the only work that I can get in a museum? Why don’t you just torture me with my high school poetry, too?”

museum heist by a vampire desperate to get back the Really Good Umbrella she accidentally left at a coaching inn in 1788

I want to read all of these stories right now.

what if vampires are like mosquitoes and only the ladies drink blood

Pretty sure that would mean the fellas drink tree sap or something. Imagine running from a vampire thru the woods and passing her husband who’s biting a tree real hard

Maple syrup vampire husband

Encounter: Maple syrup vampire husband drinking sap in the woods, also trying to lure you to his literally bloodthirsty wife.

The wife has the classic Villain Of The Night aesthetic, all black, flowing cape, everything, and her husband is wearing red flannel, overalls, a beard, and is welding a log-splitting axe

This person gets it! Classic vampire lady and her lumberjack husband!

i have this theory vampires are the ones who spread the myth about garlic & vampires, in order to encourage the humans to eat more garlic b/c they like how it makes the humans taste

vampires don’t have social skills, anything awkward goes down they just turn into a swarm of bats

they are a bunch of emo elves who likes to pretend that blood is wine

i’m…so angry that you aren’t wrong

oh I would 100% be lured by a vampire entirely too easy

Not even for sexy reasons for me, I’d just be too polite and assume good will. No goth person has ever done me wrong.