l’absent

im so sorry dedicated to zayan @instarbuckswithdan ’s baguette discourse and to my own dignity which has now died. why do i do this to myself? probably bc baguette is part of my Brand and ive said it for no reason so many times that i just feel an obligation,,

word count: around 800

warnings: very nsfw, just dont read it. no ons fuckcn read it. but if u do i hope u LOAVE if !! haah im not funny

okay so! in conclusion! (FIRSTLY THOUGH PLEASE STOP FOLLOWING THIS BLOG IM NOT BACC TRUST ME hejddkd follow my main @mielgal and my insta) i cannot believe that just happened. i just met the two random men from england i spent hours and hours running a blog for. and then watched them in a cute show called interactive introverts, where i witnessed dan scream ‘eat me daddy’ amongst other strange incidents. and honeslty im not sure whether ill ever process it fully. my devotion here, it finally feels complete. seeing them in real life kind of made me see that the way some people view them on this platform is …. odd. they’re not gods, they’re not even really celebrities, they’re just two complete and utter 6 foot something dorks. and i mean? it kinda made me ashamed of doing the things i did while i was active here. but i guess that because they’re kinda conventionally attractive, and present themselves so digestible to 13/14 year olds, i suppose they should’ve expected how some people worship them. however looking back the whole concept of dedicating a whole BLOG — and icons, edits, fics — to these two random dudes is questionable. but perhaps it’s simply because ive outgrown it. the jokes that used to crack me up two years now just bring a fond, nostalgic smile along with a wave of undeniable cringe. three or so years ago i was lonely, unsatisfied, and my mental health (although i wasn’t very informed of it) was shit. they made me laugh when nothing else could. they filled some hole in my heart that real life couldn’t, and i am forever indebted to them for that. they are such beautiful individuals who have provided a light for probably thousands of young people. they’ve said ‘hey! i used to feel like i didn’t know what to do with my life; now i have a hilarious channel and a loving best friend! everything will be alright.’ i remember two years ago for gamingmas that was the only thing i would look forward to in my day — seeing them in dumbasfuck hats playing the sims or some shit. and although now, i could never see myself going back to dangoghz, i am so so thankful for what they gave me, and for who they gave me. i still talk to like 20 people i met on here through the phandom, even though most of us have left and/or are inactive in groupchats. i have seen wondrous friendships and even relationships form because of these two guys. ive seen dramas, investigations, memes, stories that i will never forget, for no matter how silly they are, they are such a big part of me becoming a teenager. a teenager with depression and strange fixation on Internet culture, but a teenager nonetheless. i might have wanted to run out of the room when they started singing at the end, but i also wanted to go right on to the fucking stage and hug them again for what they’ve done for me. now i have a polaroid with them that’s staying on my wall until i have to leave this city.

- they named us karen

- “i got my dong cut off in hong kong”

- all the moist jokes. WE GET IT ITS VERY HUMID HERE

- “you’re mum is moist” at which phil literally had to exit the stage in shame. dan was in shock. karen didn’t deserve this.

- where are our iguanas. give us our iguanas, you buffoons. fools. where are they.

- “DID I OFFEND ANY CARS 2 AND PLANES STANS HERE??”

- dan babyflossed and hopped and giggled his way through the show he’s so cute

- documentary of their life would be “the amazing documentary is not on fire” they agreed almost too….. empathetically

- dans box contained: the essence of death, the remains of anthony padilla and a whisk (hk we wildin)

- dan would confess if someone gave him a sensual whisk massage

- *general whisk banter, the entirety of karen wanted it to end*

- so much dabbing on dans part.

- (we danced to the final countdown during the intermission and marianne actually yelled at us i’ve never been happier)

- we sacrificed dan

- phil hit him twice in the leg

- “YOU WERE THIS CLOSE TO MY PENIS, PHIL”

- dan was trying to get out of the death suit and we wouldn’t stop cheering for him. he told us to shut up.

- so?!? much??!! kinkshaming?? of the back row? if they like dan and phil crafts then they like dan and phil crafts okay

- dan had to make thanos good. he said that he maybe had a point and we all booed him.

- “hong kong i don’t feel so good”

- “everyone that lives in kowloon can live bUT THE REST OF YOU MAY D I E” fuck off dan the outlying islands have feelings too

- phil had to make cute little babies bad. he said that they were secretly aliens with a hundred teeth

- phil’s x-rated lester voice is hot as heck but dan didn’t appear impressed, apparently it goes straight into his mike lmao

- neither of them won dan vs phil, they both shocked themselves and screamed

- for overall dvp across all the shows, they both have 39 points. mumbai ii pull thru

- don’t listen to dans advice ever

- phil gave advice for someone studying law that was going to have an interview for an internship, good advice twelve out of ten ask questions be interesting

- immediately after providing life advice he almost fell trying to stand up. we feel you phil.

- the diss track was… a lot

- shoutout to the kids with the pride flag man, ily

- i cried my cat whiskers off

- they let us out of the venue 45 minutes late. not one parent looked even a little amused.