Sometimes you just gotta say whatever. I’m gonna.

A friend got a text from an unknown number that said “do NOT answer the door” during a sleepover, which was instantly followed by someone knocking at the door and an elderly woman calling out, asking if any of us had any honey to spare. Given the fact they lived up a crazy long driveway, surrounded by forest, and it was 3 am, it was pretty sus.

Our small group kind of freaked out, and naturally I was delighted.

It was at this point that I remembered we had gone shopping for sleepover provisions earlier in the day, and had mistakenly bought honey instead of syrup, and no one liked honey (there was much complaining). So I did a dash for the kitchen and snatched the honey, then rather gleefully bounded over to the door, much to my friends horror.

Sure enough, very old lady is standing at the door, looking like every grandma stereotype you’ve ever heard of. I looked rather manic myself, with what my friends called, “That freaky unhinged grin you do.”, and handed her the whole thing of honey, and told her she could have it.

She looked genuinely surprised and kind of straightened a bit, then got this glint in her eyes and started fighting a grin. 

We stood there and bantered for a while as my friends freaked the fuck out inside, before she finally said goodbye, told me to “Keep making mischief” and then strode off down the drive with a walk that was very much at odds with her hunched “feeble” appearance from a few moments earlier.

None of my friends slept that night, and I took particular glee in making strange noises whenever they would start to calm down. I was always a little shit like that.

@jaeebitch

This is the bitch I’m talking about. Simple and banged up looking.

THE FACT THAT THAT HAD THE BALLS TO ACTUALLY APPROACH THE THRESHOLD OF YOUR HOME IMPLIES A FAIRLY OLD OR HIGH RANKING ONE AS WELL

YOU HANDLED THE SITUATION PERFECTLY YOU DID THEM THEIR FAVOR WITH NO QUESTIONS OR IMPOLITENESS AND WITH UTTER SINCERITY YOU DIDNT GIVE THEM THE CHANCE TO MAKE IT MORE COMPLICATED AND THUS THEY WERE LEFT INDEBTED TO YOU

Many of the materials present in footwear can withstand deep sea pressure, hence why human remains in sunken ships disappear but the shoes don’t. 

mermaid: *points to his feet*

sailor: I don’t under–

mermaid: give me your shoes

sailor: what?

Imagine the King and Queen of the mermaids having their rooms decked out in crocs with rare plants dangling from the holes.

Imagine high ranking nobles having their weapons sheathed in crocs.