Mulderās whole ādo you think Iām spooky?ā Thing resonates with me so bad because I struggle so much with the social aspect of life, Iāve never been super successful with friendships, and then when I am they just slowly stop talking to me and I donāt know why, and I often feel like Iām too much (or āspookyā) to people, so a lot of times Iāll earn people about myself or say stuff like āIām sorry I am so awkwardā or āIām so bad at thisā because I feel the need to apologize for the sheer act of Not Being Perfectā¢ļø socially. I too am just a weird person whoās trying to make a difference in the world, doesnāt really have any fucking clue what the heck theyāre doing, and just wants someone to stick around. Iāve always also been the person who doesnāt really have that many friends, just a few close friends and then they eventually stop talking to me and then I have nobody. Anyways I see so much of myself in both Mulder and Scully that itās probably concerning but the way heāll say something and then everyone will just stop and look at him, Iāve done that. The way that when he knows someoneās upset with him and heās uncomfortable with it and maybe knows thereās nothing he can do about it and so he either tries to make them laugh or talk so much heāll distract them from being mad because he maybe doesnāt know how to be comfortable with people heās close to being mad at him but he talks so much that the people get even more annoyed. I get that. And the way that his childhood still messes with him to this day, I get that. And the way he isolates himself from everyone else, I mean heās literally in the basement away from everyone else, and then tries to joke about it āNobody down here but the FBIās most unwanted.ā I GET THAT. And the way that when something goes wrong his first two thoughts are ācomfort everyoneā and āfind a way to fix itā I get that. And the way he completely isolated himself and shuts down when heās upset but also encourages everyone else around him to open up. Heās consistently prioritizing everyone else before himself to the point where it becomes destructive. And I get that. And the way that if he convinces himself of something sometimes itās so hard to get him out of that loop, that spiral.
I genuinely donāt think Iāve ever related to so many aspects of characters the way I do with these two, I feel so seen between the both of them. āBut theyāre fictional characters!ā Shhh I use fiction to cope with shit.
Iāve never seen such beautifully messy and real and human characters before, nothing of them is āsmoothed overā or āmade to be more like-able to the audience,ā theyāre just real. As much as fictional characters can be. And the fact that they found a person who sees that and loves them that much, even platonically (I know their love is not platonic but Iām aromantic and if Iām ever in a relationship I want the type of love they have) gives me hope that Iāll eventually find people who can love every aspect of me like that instead of thinking Iām.. well, spooky.
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