Text Posts

weed before cider youre meeting the spider. cider before weed time for centipede

look I'm not gonna pretend I know anything about electronics, but sometimes a plug is so big it blocks another socket, and I'm always like "who the fuck do you think you are"

still being active on tumblr is camp

this post is gonna blow up even more when op deactivates

i'll outlive everything you love

i bring a "technically i could do this tomorrow" energy to things that tomorrow me really resents

Always embarrassing realizing you don't know basic facts about your friends. Like yeah hey, here's this person I love dearly, I've known them for 23 years, we've been through so much together. They're currently working in a lab.... developing... medicine? and also getting a PhD. I think. Don't ask me what subject.

Accidentally clicking on an AI assistant feels like clicking on a link that’s going to give you a virus.

my family has been wizards for one hundred billion years

pretty sure the universe isn’t that old

i never mentioned the universe. go make your own post

so fucking stupid that meds literally work. "swallow this pebble it makes you think" hateful

i love medications and swallowing pills #mypebbles

don’t forget to swallow your pebbles today girls

“Appeal to a wider audience” is corporate lingo for “strip more themes from a piece of media so it’s safer and more sanitized for investors”

I struck a nerve in the billionaire fandom with this one

“their relationship is too deep to be sexual” what’s deeper than dick in hole. please tell me

y’all havin a good september?

I think when you correctly identify a trauma that is the base of a woe of yours it should just disappear. It should be like "aaahh. you got me" and vanish and leave 100 dollars behind

#if you line up several neuroses and identify the interlocking connections between them they should all vanish like clearing a line in tetris (via @karliahs)

a deeply underrated part of the gay taylor swift conspiracy theories is that if they're right and she really has spent over a decade sending subliminal messages based on minute details for people to decode then she's uuuuuh. I mean she's insane. she's jigsaw. she's the riddler. her dad bought her career because if she didn't have music to distract her she would have started building deathtraps.

sorr- (remembers that thanking instead of apologizing is healthier for you and your relationships) thank you for allowing me to prematurely ejaculate on your couch

agnostic is lowkey the funniest belief system it's just like yeah idk it's none of my business

he definitely fucks but there’s no way he fucks normal

The come-down from doing a good deed is crazy. Like I think I could rescue a baby from a burning building and 30 minutes later I’d be like, “Idk was it cringe of me to run into that building like that? The baby didn’t even seem that happy to get rescued. Honestly maybe the baby started the house fire and I interrupted an important life lesson.”