like waiting for godot without godot

talking heads was right

how

i do ask myself. how did i get here

costco should sell weed i want to smoke kirkland signature strain

was at a bar and a 50+ year old drunk white woman complimented me and my friend's outfits, told us there was a campsite up in northern maryland where a lot of gay bears go to have sex in the woods. we asked her how she knew about this and she very aggressively said "because i'm a FAG HAG!!! but i'm not allowed to say that anymore I GUESS!!!"

"Brick shithouse" gotta be one of my fave body type descriptions.... so confusing to translate

your mom is a baked potato your dad's dumb ass is asparagus and you are a god damn green bean

getting home from work at the end of a long day and putting away my briefcase, changing out of my suit and tie, changing into a different suit and tie, and pulling out a separate, identical briefcase before sitting down at my computer and, with meticulous keystrokes, logging into tumblr dot com

the order of rodentia sounds like a circle of knights from ages past but you may be surprised to learn these noble warriors are still fighting their holy battles to this day

I am a huge fan of retiring to my quarters

In this economy you'll be lucky to retire to your nickels