no your honor I absolutely can make my case like an adult. first things first, fuck the defendant and fuck his family too. secondly,
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no your honor I absolutely can make my case like an adult. first things first, fuck the defendant and fuck his family too. secondly,

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Grace arriving on Erid: "So I know i'm an alien and your scientists are probably like super curious about me, I just want to say you can totally do minor, noninvasive experements on me provided you run them by me first. You can totally take like hair and nail and blood samples, i'm willing to run a maze of two, everyone's been super polite in not asking for anything but I promise im not offended. Are you sure you don't want a blood sample? I swear i'm fine with it, want to scan my eyes and brain activity while I look at different colors? Heck pretty much anything short of flat out vivisection is on the table for discussion here. Please experement on me I really want to know what you find out."
The Eridian Governments: wtf WTF wtF???
The Eridian Scientists: *celebrating like they've won the intersteller lottery*
THREE MONTHS LATER
Grace, showing the beginning signs of appendicitis and clutching a bottle of local anesthetic: "Soooo, about what I said before about vivisection being off the table. . ."
my best friend
hey don't cry. on december 3, 1926, agatha christie went missing for eleven days and because the uk police didn't know what to do they recruited sir arthur conan doyle, creator of master detective sherlock holmes, but all he did was conduct a séance to try and contact her distressed spirit
honestly i think im good without that thanks

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it’s a shame more vampire media doesn’t pull from vampire bat behavior because they’re such sweeties. they can only survive their incredibly specialized diet because bats will share blood with colony members that didn’t find a meal! there’s evidence that suggests the donors sometimes initiate this behavior themselves by approaching hungry bats! the colonies are mostly harems of females with a few males but they’ve been observed letting unrelated males in when it gets cold so they can all stay warm! cute little social critters!
@yupekosi your tags have created such a beautiful world
lot of jokes about eridians being like wow humans are so weak they can't even see through walls. but we also forget that eridians don't know what kinds of walls are opaque vs transparent. imagine some eridians are just like excuse us dr. grace, they go into the next room, and have a full blown argument in front of a window. bonus points if the badness of human hearing has been greatly exaggerated so grace can hear every word they're angrily singing.
I feel like on one hand Ryland would fake like he can't see/hear everything that's going on, its just so awkward.
But on the other it would be so funny if he was like, maybe its early into his arrival so he's doing better but he's still kinda brain fried from all the malnutritions
And so the Eridians are arguing about something infront of the clear-xenonite wall of his medical inclosure/room, and he's lost all since of shame and social etiquette, the brain fog is strong with this one. He's just trying to practice his Eridian by following along to a Level 10 Fast-Passed Angry Eridian Conversation, hes processing words, not context.
But he's like standing AT the floor to ceiling window, just watching them in the dim light shining through from his room, cause they're blind right, they can't see him, and clearly they can't or they'd like, move right???
And it takes the Eridians probably an embarassed amount of time to realize, no the Human isn't just standing by the wall coincidentally, its "front" is towards them, its "head" is tilted down so its light-receptors are directly trained on them.
Its definitely watching them through the wall some how. It has been for a while.
And there's just this moment where they go quit and still like "when he looks at me, and I look at him, and he looks at me, and look at hiiiim"
And then Ryland remembers "Wait, fudge, the CAN see me they're just my kind of blind!!"
And then they're all scrambling away from the glass wall like cats from a cucumbers.
Bonus if Adrian was one of those Eridians. They and Grace vow to never tell Rocky. Rocky finds out anyway, and the day they're giving Grace a tour of his new house, Rocky taps at one of the windows like,
*tap tap* "Adrian Grace see-and-hear, yes, this is clear-Xenonite, is see-through-hear-through, no privacy, very important to remember."
Skulduggery Pleasant, Book 3, The Faceless Ones (Spoilers)
"What have I told you about keeping your eye out for details?"
"You said I shouldn't worry about that because I have you to do it for me."
"I'm pretty sure that's the exact opposite of what I said."
I think it'd be funny if Rocky was shown a lot of music by Grace and late one night (or what functions as one for them) Grace shows Rocky Micheal Jackson videos and they on a sleep deprived whim, changed the laugh file on Rocky's text to speech to do the Michael Jackson 'hehe' when he laughs. Which in the morning they were both like ':/ oh that's not that funny' but whatever they don't care to change it bc even tho its easy they don't wanna mess with the settings right then. Only for Rocky and Grace to be talking like a week later and Grace says something only slightly funny that makes Rocky chuckle. Not a big laugh mind you, but enough to trigger the text to speak. The jarring 'hehe' was so out of left field it made them both absolutely lose it. Which does keep triggering the 'hehe' response from the computer

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This zine, and I cannot over emphasize how funny this is, is for Anne Rice’s Interview with the Vampire
These people blocked me on both Twitter and Tumblr, and then someone used a burner account to go off on me on Twitter. This person insisted that I was singlehandedly responsible for the project falling.
I made one comment, and it was this:
No clue how my single comment did this. But okay.
God gives his hardest battles to his strongest soldiers and I'm dodging the draft
hang on I gotta look something up.
DW I know that one from heart if you need an explanation
Thanks tumblr user i-suggest-vore. I can always count on you for theological literacy wait is there a different reason you like this story
characters going “we were lovers once”: eh, it’s okay i guess. it’s nice enough
characters going “we were friends once”: absolutely devastating. one hit knockout i’m gone
getting violently ill btw
Just tried to play an ancient flute and it started filling the room with this awful miasma that wont go away
Why does staff still allow people funnier than you to leave tags on your posts. They should have fixed that by now

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i don't think ryland grace has any self-awareness about gender or sexuality ever but by the force of SHEER coincidence he unknowingly bought an aroace-themed shirt at a san francisco thrift store simply bc he liked the colors. he wears the shirt around stratt's vat and people tell him "oh, congrats!" and he's like "yeah the astrophage trials have been going really well :)"
stratt: if we put a man and a woman in a spaceship together they'll be too horny to get anything done
grace: ?? umm have you considered people WON'T have to pretend to enjoy sex when they're a trillion miles away from society?
stratt, eyeing his shirt: ...i am not having this conversation right now.
This isn't very hard when you know some of the most genius strategies in human history were incredibly stupid, circumstantial events that led to victory by sheer luck of that strategy working.
Case in point: Tsun Zu's rival defended a city with 10 men against Tsun's army of hundreds by disarming his own soldiers, dressing them in plain clothes, INVITING Tsun's army to come in, and it only worked because Tsun knew the guy was an ambush master and thought "if we attack the city he's inviting us into, we will die." and left without even trying ON THE BASIS OF HIS RIVAL'S REPUTATION AND NOTHING MORE
Another example: Tsun Zu, on being told his soliders were out of arrows during a battle against a city across a river from them, had his men craft scarecrows, put them on a boat, send it out on a line, leave it there for half an hour, then pull it back in and used the arrows the enemy had fired at the boat to restock their own ammunition. It only worked because it was foggy and the enemy couldn't tell the difference between the scarecrows and actual soldiers.
Stupid things like that work INCREDIBLY WELL if the circumstances favor them, so you really don't need to come up with some multi-layered, Shikamaru-esque strategy. You just need to come up with a strategy you like for the characters involved, then write the circumstances (weather, environment, individuals involved) to favor it enough that it works.