No like just hot and dirty tips haha, seriously tho man like 2 minutes or less I’m standing in her bathroom she is waiting for me to get back out there. I’m pretending to wash my hands like soooo thoroughly bro”

Ilya is sitting on the couch next to Shane or maybe with the cens or maybe just in a Starbucks giving detailed advice.

“Fuuuuuck thanks man she said if I do it I get to cum in her ass you’re the fucking goat man”

The woman can clearly hear this entire discussion but he really does put in the work so it works.

He took home a trans woman for the first time and doesn’t want to look like an idiot.

So it's not super weird when Shane texts him and asks him to meet at a nearby coffee shop

(Shane: Hi Marleau, this is Shane Hollander-Rozanov, I was wondering if we could meet at [copy-pasted Google Maps link] so that I can talk to you about Ilya's birthday

Cliff: 👍

Ilya, later: Can I spit on it

Cliff: Later baby I have plans with your man

Ilya: Lol.

Ilya, later when Shane actually leaves to 'meet someone': You will never satisfy him.)

Anyway the point of all of this is Cliff walks into a coffee shop that takes itself a little too seriously and sits down across from Shane who already has a little notebook in front of him with a black coffee.

After brief greetings and after Cliff orders his own coffee (They are all named after Canadian cities. It's a really pretentious coffee shop) he sits down and Shane immediately says, "I was wondering if you could tell me some of the things that you and Ilya did when you went to Paris together."

Cliff's mind implodes.

"Uh."

"I've never been and I want to do something to make up for the fact that our thirtieth birthdays were kind of overshadowed by," Shane gestures expansively to euphamistically refer to the whole outing-to-marriage ordeal of last spring and summer. "And he's mentioned that you guys went to Paris together back in 2014 to celebrate your Cup win. Did he enjoy it? Or do you think he wouldn't want to go back?"

"Uh," says Cliff as he frantically texts Ilya under the table. "Yeah. He loved it."

(COME GET YOUR MAN BIG DAWG THIS IS NOT A DRILL.)

"Great!" Shane clicks his pen. "What did you guys do while you were there?"

If someone comes out to him he’s going to say “oh, you’re sucking his dick in like, a gay way? Not a bro way?” And then he’d say “fuckin right man get that bussy”.

He tries to have a heart to heart with Rozanov once 7 beers in, after noticing that he very obviously fucks guys in the bathroom sometimes when he thinks he’s being subtle. And he’s like “…you know I jacked it to femboy porn once.” And Ilya who is also very drunk is like “👍” and he’s like “and I came too.” Then he goes home patting himself on the back for being an ally.