Welcome to the Kingdom

corporate ppl are always like “i hate email comms they cause so many delays” but those people are fools. i crave communication delays. i hit send on an email and then immediately shoot a prayer up to the heavens that the response may take 2-3 days. let’s slow everything down just a bit thank you.

this is the most productive workforce in history and im just doing my part to dial that back a tad

big enjoyer of shitty media that i would never recommend to people ever in my life

“counterspell” or as i like to call it “Nuh uh”

wagging my finger and everything

talk to the mage hand

please tell me that everyone else also scrolled down, saw the caption on the second photo, and scrolled back up to double-check

Now you see me...

be honest. are you guys only hanging out with me because of the prophecy.

your man doesn’t have the mental strength to caramelize onions 

your man thinks it takes 5-10 minutes to caramelize onions

do you think caramelizing onions is putting caramel on onions

your man thinks caramelizing onions is putting caramel on onions

This is your reminder that no matter how little you write, as long as you love to write and continue to write, you're doing brilliantly. You're a writer. You are loved.

Absolutely mad respect 2 anon

Halloween is the closest to communism America gets, there's a level of communal care for children, cars are discouraged, slightly better stuff on tv, sexy vampires witches and ghouls everywhere...

​love how this post implies communism means more sexy vampires

It does

FedEx: shits on my box, stomps on my box, kicks it, dumps gasoline on it, throws one of my chickens into the back of the van UPS: whispers at my front door “is anyone home” as quietly as possible before leaving a “we missed you!” note, tries to gaslight me into thinking my address doesn’t exist USPS: sets my package down gently where it’s not visible from the road, knocks on the door and kisses me directly on the mouth

Is this…shipping discourse?

Into the volcano with him

…Four years together, and he still didn’t trust her enough to tell the truth? Their dog was sick, and he USED IT AS A TEST to see what she’d do, instead of telling her the truth and saying he’d take care of it?  He didn’t hear that she sold the violin and IMMEDIATELY break down, tell her the truth, get it back from her and tell her that she didn’t have to worry about how they’d pay for their beloved pet’s medical treatment, and apologize profusely for having his own head stuck so far up his ass that he let her stress over it in the first place? YES. THE ENTIRE MAN.

I am so so incredibly sad for her. Being with someone who doesn’t pull their weight in a relationship is so fucking tiring. You’re always exhausted & resentful because you know you deserve better. She had to sell her own possessions & work her ass off for YEARS & he never thought she deserved more than what she had. He could’ve done so much shit for her out of love but instead saw nothing wrong with her struggling…..? He has to be a psychopath…..

This is truly awful - he put her in a bad financial position with unnecessary stress FOR A TEST

no alcohol in this flask girl this is miso soup