Talliya's Fic Ideas & Writing References

Have your car break down in strategic places.

Read obituaries to find eligible widowers.

Look in the census reports for places with the most single men.

Ask your friends' husbands who the eligible men are in their offices.

Be nice to everybody—they may have an eligible brother or son.

Volunteer for jury duty.

Be friendly to ugly men—handsome is as handsome does.

Get lost at football games.

Don't take a job in a company run largely by women.

Get a job demonstrating fishing tackle in a sporting goods store.

Go to all reunions of your high school or college class. There may be widowers there.

Don't be afraid to associate with more attractive girls; they may have some leftovers.

Go back to your home town for a visit—the wild kid next door may have become a very eligible bachelor while you were away.

Don't room with a girl who is a sad sack and let her pull you down to her level.

Stumble when you walk into a room that he's in.

Wear a Band-Aid. People always ask what happened.

Dropping the handkerchief still works.

Stand in a corner and cry softly. Chances are good that he'll come over to find out what's wrong.

Buy a convertible. Men like to ride in them.

Learn how to bake tasty apple pies. Bring one in to the office and let the eligible bachelors taste it.

"Acidentally" have your purse fly open, scattering its contents all over the street.

Practice your drinking with your women friends first.

Get a sunburn.

Don't tell him about your allergies.

Don't whine—girls who whine stay on the vine!

Show him you can have fun on a cheap date-but don't overdo it!

Double-date with a gay, happily married couple—let him see what it's like!

Talk to his father about business and agree that taxes are too high!

Never let him know he's the only one, even if you have to stay home one or two nights a week!

If he's rich, tell him you like his money—the honesty will intrigue him!

Clip and mail him a funny cartoon that means something to both of you.

Point out to him that the death rate of single men is twice that of married men.

Go to Yale.

If your mother is fat, tell him you take after your father. If he's fat too, tell him you're adopted!

Stow away on a battleship.

Rent a billboard and post your picture and telephone number on it.

Paint your name and number on roof and say, "Give me a buzz, pilots."

Sink at a fashionable beach at high noon!

Ride the airport bus back and forth from the airport.

Bribe ferris-wheel operator to get you stuck on the top of a Ferris wheel.

Stand on a busy street corner with a lasso.

Carry a camera and ask strange, handsome men if they would mind snapping your picture.

Make and sell toupees—bald men are easy catches!

Advertise for male co-owner of a boat.

Carry a tow chain in the trunk of your automobile.

Let it be known in your office that you have a button box and will sew on bachelors' loose buttons.

Don't marry him if he has too many loose buttons!

Okay… so… I probably won’t ever be able to write this. I certainly won’t be able to do it justice. BUT~

I need a fic where the Peacecrafts are Kitsune. And maybe the Darlians know that and maybe they don’t when they take Relena in. But mostly I just want Milliardo/Zechs to be a sexy fox demon and I REALLY REALLY need someone to mention that Relena is a ‘foxxy lady’. >_>

He was a cook at the restaurant/bar I was a bartender at, and almost punched a costumer once because he overheard him talking about how women belong in the kitchen. Told me he thought women should stay out of kitchens, that cooking is a man's job and when I asked him what he thinks women should be doing, he went quiet for a moment, then proceeded to explain to me the following

"I trust a bitch to run a kitchen as much as she can run a country, they should do shit like plumbing. Or electricity. Something you can just learn to do and don't need to lead, you know?"

We had an openly gay coworker who looked like it (crop tops, dyed hair, make-up) and he was often harassed by the waiters from the football bar next door. The gay dude had the same name as the Guy, who insisted that we would specify the he isn't gay, so they just became "Name" and "Not Gay Name". He was fine with that.

Boss gave us one meal from the menu a day as a job bonus, and we had this very shy seventeen year old working with us who was already nervous around men, but Our Guy was a 6'3 dude who only stopped yelling and cursing when he was not speaking at all. If he was the one cooking that day, he'd peek out of the kitchen an hour before he'd start closing it up, and would shout at you if you haven't ordered your meal yet because he hated cooking once he already cleaned. The waitress was scared shitless of him, and so whenever he would yell at her to "fucking order already", she'd panic and just pick something.

She didn't eat much but the first time she tried to throw out almost the whole plate, he got so personally insulted that he berated her for not picking something she'd like, and demanded to know what he did wrong. He got really upset about apparently not being able to cook something that this kid would like and I'm pretty sure he started putting in extra effort to make sure she would eat it this time? It lead to him quite literally standing over her like a hawk when she ate to "see her reaction" and demand an immediate review to see what he can improve.

My friend thought he was really funny before I explained to them that I'm pretty sure he thought he was being mean (but hey he it wasn't misgendering so yay)

I like how his issue isn't with the "that shit ain't in nature" thing he mentioned, but the idea that being nonbinary is some form of self-deprivation and that they deserve a gender like everyone else.

Mature is ‘and then they made love.’ Explicit is 'and here’s how they did it exactly.’

To wit: mature.

He looked at the envelope, spread out before him.

God, he’d never been this hungry.

Could he be gentle enough? Slow enough? He didn’t want to damage it, didn’t want to do anything he’d regret… but no, no, it seemed the envelope wanted this as much as he did. It slipped into his hands, it folded as he asked. When it was time for more, the card was waiting, and he somehow knew exactly what to do. He moved with his correspondence in a dance as old as the mail system, and when it was over, he was smiling and the envelope was completely, thoroughly sealed.

Explicit:

The envelope waved its flap in the air slowly, gently, and he could see the faint shimmer of the adhesive traced along its fold. It was like a taunt, a dare: won’t you? And he would, oh, God, he would, lifting the envelope firmly to his lips, licking slowly at first, then faster, more firmly, tasting the envelope’s essence, the faint bitterness, the sweetness to follow–

Oh, he couldn’t help but smile at how it felt in his hands. It was so perfectly folded. Its paper was rough against his fingers, and its crossed folds shifted slightly as it opened for his eager tongue. Yes, yes…

Now the card, and his hand trembled as he lifted it, as he held the envelope, stretching it wide. Would it fit? Oh… oh, yes, it would fit, it slid in smooth and quick and filled the envelope to bursting, oh, made for each other, and he smiled in delight at how perfect it was.

He was ready. Now, now, now: with one swift movement he folded the flap over and he pressed, yes, he pressed the flap down and it stuck, God, it stuck perfectly, and he closed his eyes in bliss.

"Why does your smile hurt me?"

"I shouldn't love you! How do I stop?"

"I wouldn't mind being alone with you."

"Just curious, what do you think of me?"

"Why do I like you? What's wrong with me?"

"I think I’d miss you, even if we’d never met."

"I want to stand closer to you. Do you mind?"

"I want you, but I don't. I hate you, but I… don't."

"You make me want to be a better man. But, why?"

"For some reason, I don't think I want you to leave."

"You confuse the hell out of me, so why do I like it?"

"Even if you hate me, I can't stop caring about you."

"For some reason, being near you makes me happy."

"You make me feel things. And I need you to stop it."

"Why won't you leave me be? And why don't I want you to?"

"I don’t know if I like you or love you, want you or need you."

"Why does my heart go faster when you look at me? Why?!"

"We don't mesh. We aren't meant to be. But, I can't let you go…"

"There's something I kinda want to tell you, but I don't know how."

"What the hell did you do to me? Why do you make me feel crazy?"

"No one makes me happy like you. And no one shatters me like you, either."

“Chief Hakoda?” the Prince of the Kill It With Fire Nation repeats, like his brain is as stupid as his face. Or like he just realized he’s taken a high-value hostage, redeemable for one (1) ransom against an enemy leader.

“Did I say Chief Hakoda?” Sokka laughs, nervously. “I meant, ah—”

“Shut up, peasant,” the prince shouts. And then sort of… chokes on his own words, getting redder and redder.

---

“Perhaps a break, Prince Zuko?” says Uncle, like this is… like this is the tea-time social he’s set the table for. 

Zuko is in the hallway with the door slammed behind him before he can think. Thinking. Thinking is a thing he needs to do, and Uncle’s proverbs only ever leave his thoughts feeling twisted around, and—

And that is not a peasant that sacrificed himself, to give the Avatar a chance to flee. That’s a fellow prince, or whatever the Water Tribe would call him.

---

“So,” Sokka says, spinning the teacup between his cuffed hands contemplatively. “How much poison would you say is in here? And what kind?”

The old man is sputtering indignantly, but Sokka is very seriously considering taking his first sip. If it’s laced with something to loosen his tongue, well, can’t get much worse there. It’s not like he knows where his dad is. Or anything useful. Certainly not more useful than handing the Fire Nation the son of their fleet’s leader. And if it’s something deadly, well...

He doesn’t know what his dad would do or give to get him back. But it wouldn’t be good, for the war or the world or their tribe.

He figured he’d die, when he’d shouted at Katara to go, take him and go. He hadn’t realized how much worse this could get. Was getting. Because the son and heir of Fire Lord Burn Them All was out in the hallway, thinking. 

---

Zuko thinks. About what his own father would do, if he were to receive a ransom letter. The disappointment. The… repercussions. 

---

“You’re what?” Sokka asks. 

“I am releasing you,” His Shoutiness repeats, through clenched and grinding teeth.

“Huh,” Sokka says, and takes another sip from his cup, because oh, this is hallucinogenic tea. Good stuff. “Care to explain that?”

---

No, Zuko wants to shout. But this is the fellow son of a world leader. Zuko hasn’t had many friends, and he’s not looking to add the Water Prince to that atrophied number, but. 

But he could understand.

“You stood and fought when you could not win, for a cause you believed in,” Zuko said, and he didn’t know why Uncle suddenly looked so pained. “I will not demand trinkets from your father for your return. If he hears of this, it will not be from me. You will be released at the nearest neutral port.”

---

Like an undersized fish, Sokka did not say. 

#the nearest neutral port just so happens to be kyoshi island #why say aang and katara what are YOU doing here??

Zuko is grinding his teeth SO HARD he did not come here to start an international incident and he WON'T start one stop looking at him like that Uncle he is doing something Honorable the Southern Prince said so and so help him he is going to KEEP BEING HONORABLE while the other boy is watching even as the Avatar creeps closer and closer one little side step at a time looking all curious and hopeful

like an actual child

THE BENDING PRODIGY SISTER IS THANKING HIM REPEAT ZUKO IS IN THE SIGHTS OF THE BENDING PRODIGY SISTER

she is smiling at him and sounds incredibly sincere

(and also confused)

and he KNOWS what "sincere" smiles from sisters mean

abort abort abort

maybe he can get his ship away from here before she "accidentally" sinks it

(clearly her bending fumbling at his ship was a clever disguise, if she'd REALLY been that bad she'd have been CAPTURED, had she been MOCKING his crew? clearly that was the only--WHY IS THE AVATAR STANDING AT HIS ELBOW)

No really WHY is the unfathomably powerful (literal child) right next to his elbow and GRINNING up at him

And talking about how Zuko is a prince. And Sokka is a prince.

(the sister is laughing behind her hand REPEAT the sister is laughing abort abort abort--)

And since there's two princes and an Avatar here on this neutral island why don't they have

why don't they have

peace talks

"I will make tea!" Uncle beams and instead of using that as cover to retreat back to their ship goes to do so IN THE VILLAGE and Zuko

Zuko can't leave him alone with these people

So there he is. On Kyoshi Island. Incapable of admitting in front of Prince Sokka and Princess Katara and Avatar, The that he might

maybe

not have the ability to create legally binding agreements like a real prince should

which is about when Zhao shows up. And you know who doesn't have the legal right to INTERRUPT peace talks?

Motherturtleducking Zhao

which is to say

he is sincerely sorry, Father, for the overstep of his position

and rest assured no formal promises were made

but please see the enclosed First Draft treaty between the Fire Nation and the United Southern Water Tribes

(as well as a small request for reparations to Kyoshi Island, for peace talk hosting and minor fire damage)

And rest further assured that he has taken the joint advice of Avatar Aang and General Iroh

And will be traveling with the Avatar to facilitate communication with the Dragon Throne

Until such time as the Fire Lord commands him not to

Sincerely,

Your Most Loyal And Obedient Son

Because they show up any place suitably fancy, they show up in the wizard's tower and start organizing the books and cleaning out the cupboards of reagents. Even dungeons that have too much class run the risk of attracting a small pack of maids who'll clean the place up and make it- shudder- livable. Totally ruins the use of a dungeon.

Nobody hires them. Nobody lets them in. But once a pack of maids are established, you can't be rid of them. The ones inside let in others. Money or goods disappear like a hidden tax. Carefully hoarded supplies get turned into fancy meals and clothes, whether they were supposed to be used that way or not. Every barracks is as plain as possible to try to avoid summoning such a curse.

But maids require enrichment. You don't have to worry about space — a staff will generally only move into an area that's already large enough for its needs — but they still want to feel useful. They need ingredients for meals and materials for clothing, but if these are provided and it is clearly communicated which stores contain the supplies they need, they will be absolutely meticulous about sticking to them. Managing such matters is easier if you can promote one of your maids to Cook or Butler: these senior positions in a staff server vital regulatory functions in keeping the rest of the staff from either becoming bored (which can cause them to get inventive in undesired ways) or overtired (which can cause internal conflict). A settled staff will either promote its own senior members, or ask you to make the selection. If you can achieve both, so much the better: a well-matched Cook and Butler pair can be among the most potent organising forces on forty-five planes of existence. Note that, in smaller staffs, a Housekeeper may arise instead of a Cook, but is perfectly capable of performing most of the same jobs. Lack of Senior Staff is the number one cause of maid friction. If items are being misfiled or moved from day to day, this is a result of not allowing your staff to spawn seniors.

Learning to live with a staff certainly comes with a period of adjustment may make your dungeon livable, yes, but they were bred to serve the aristocracy and as such have an innate understanding that some living areas are meant to be fancier than others — so show them that some areas are for residents, some for staff, some for guests, and some for prisoners and they will maintain each accordingly. Maids are also capable of being effective dungeon guards, being naturals at observation and stealth. They won't be overpowering prisoners or intruders, but they are perfectly able to trap them and you may even find your staff developing rare "battle-maid" variants.

Your reagent cupboards will be cleared out, yes, but if you put a sheet out nearby with a heading such as "reagent inventory" then you will find that rather than thrown out they will instead be organised, and you'll get a list detailing exactly how much of which reagents you have in stock, too. You're worried about your dragon dung being tossed? Have a quick word with a maid and ask for a container to keep it in. Don't expect to be presented with such a thing — rather, within a day or two you'll walk into your workshop and find that a dragon dung bin has quietly been installed, labelled, and filled.

Valuables going missing is a concern. Labour must be rewarded and maids know this as well as any human. The trick here is to either leave a labelled pay packet out regularly or, if you've managed to obtain a Butler or Housekeeper, speak to them directly and explain how to draw from your designated treasury. (Look, you're of a social stratum to be maintaining a mansion, castle, or arcane tower. You have a treasury, even if you don't realise it yet. You may have to ask your Butler to oversee its organisation in the first place, though.)

a little guide circa the 15th century

some general cooking tips (in which there is a brief senshi posession):

moisture is the enemy of crispy skin. pat dry with paper towel, and if you have the time and spoons, give a thorough but even coat of baking powder and let sit uncovered in your fridge overnight. this will dry out the skin nicely. for pork belly, create a tight foil boat so that only the skin is showing, and cover in salt to draw out moisture, repeating a couple times if necessary.

furikake seasoning, for the fellow rice lovers, is just nori (seaweed), sesame seeds, sugar, and msg/salt. you might have most if not all of these things already in your kitchen.

chai spice mix is just cinnamon, ginger, cardamom, cloves, nutmeg, & allspice.

pumpkin spice is just cinnamon, nutmeg, cloves, and ginger.

to cure your own bacon, you only need water, white and brown sugar, and a non-iodized salt - himalayan pink salt is not iodized, if you cannot find butchers curing pink salt. from there, you can add any seasoning/flavoring you want.

the truly adventurous may cook their rice in green tea for a fresh clean taste.

you can tell if a fish is truly fresh by their eyes - clear and bright is fresh, while cloudy is older or potentially has been frozen.

it's cheaper to buy a large block pack of ramen from your local asian market and repackage the bricks into sandwich bags, than to buy a box of individually packaged ones such as maruchan or top ramen.

when buying meat, look at it's fat content - more fat marbling usually means more tender + flavorful.

you can save onion skins and other vegetable scraps to make your own broth with. you can also save bones for this. mix and match ratios to create your ideal flavor.

bay leaf will always make a soup or broth taste better, but Watch Out (they are not fun to bite into on accident).

msg is, in fact, not The Devil, that was just a racist hate campaign against the chinese and other oriental races. it's literally just a type of salt. it is no more dangerous to eat than any other type of salt.

washing your rice is important because it not only improves flavor and texture by removing excess starch, but it also helps reduce any residual pesticides or dirt, or even insect fragments (please remember that rice paddies are essentially giant ponds that all kind of things live in and swim around. you should also be washing all your produce in general.)

please salt your cooking water for pastas, it just tastes better and you will be happier for it.

boiled potatoes are also improved by salt water.

if you hate vegetables, please consider trying them fried in butter or perhaps bacon grease. it is healthier to eat them fatty than not at all.