Healing First & Foremost

I really feel this. Its crazy that more people don't understand you can be allergic to literally anything and the more allergies you have the harder it is. especially when its something common like a drug you use to help Allergies!!! 

I missed having this space to just be me. to rant and rave and grow and create in a space free of family and the normies of my daily life like facebook or instagram. 

As a spoonie sometimes i wanna reach out to the world of other spoonies and just give everyone a virtual hug and say it will be alright even if its just for moment. this moment will pass too and tumblr was that for me for a very long time. 

I am growing up really now. I am 29. this year I’ll be 30. I’ve been through a lot personally globally.  We all have and are all new people in some way because of our shared traumas, being the pandemic, chronic illness, surgeries, diagnosis, tumblr communities what have you. we have changed and i love that tumblr is still here to hold this space for our evolution 

I love how creative you can be on tumblr, how vocal, how you can connect, and learn and laugh and love all on one fairly anonymous platform. but it can bring so many together. 

Chronic Illness and Disability are such difficult things to adjust to and adjust your life to and thanks to the internet and creators for giving us a better way to learn and connect. 

I first discovered i had EDS because of this site. I will hold Tumblr near and dear to my heart. all the waves its gone through but its still here. still holding whats important. I have a lot of love for tumblr. for my spoonie family. 

Im excited to be back and I am hoping this time around i can stick to my guns. 

I can be an extremely hypersexual person. But when my neck is pinched and out in even a subtle way it immediately shuts down my sex drive. I go from daily cravings and fulfillment to keeping everyone away and not even masterbuating cause it'll take too much effort.

But also the pounding when I get my blood pumping specifically where my neck is pinched is terrifying and can cause more problems if I try to be sexual. Cause as I've said before pleasure beats pain.. but sometimes. Pain shuts down my pleasure.

Does anyone else experiamce this kind of a phenomenon.

I still have neck instability. For the last 6 years I've been trying to have sex in a traditional way more sparingly.. its how I discovered my own kinks and new ways to enjoy pleasure without fucking my neck up worse. And it's worked.

I still crave the closeness and intimacy of a long drawn out passionate make out session. Especially one that won't fuck up my neck.. and im not sure it's possible. So I protect myself by doing just small kisses. And pecks and mini makeouts.. but it's not enough. Especially without a consistent compasionate partner.

Hello everyone who fucks or wants to fuck, 

I havn’t been online in years. and maybe there isnt’ an audience anymore on here. But I wanted to take a moment to address a spoonie audience about sex and kink. I started this blog and using tumblr when I was a single virgin. I grew up on this app in many ways and was introduced to a LOT on here that helped me explore what my desires may be before I ever eve knew it. and certainly before the world changed and everything became so censored. 

I am now 29 years old. I spent 2.5 years in my first relationship and during that time I was going through some deeply painful and terrifying times in my life renegading my physical state. It was broadcast all over the internet my need for Cranial Cervical and Atlanto Axial Fusions as well as detethering proceedures. 

I made a lot of sexual choices during that time because I truely was afraid i would die on the table during these operations and I did not want to die a virgin and once I began having sex with my partner I learned very quickly it was the best way to BEAT MY PAIN... but the actions where strenuous on my body.. 

Now 7 years later. I left that relationship however sweet and good he was to me. there was something missing and more I needed to do for myself and my health and I have spent the last 5 years as focused as I can be on getting to be the most stable version of myself. 

In that time I also dove into the KINK world and learned even more ways to enjoy intimacy, sex and relationships, and I want to find a platform to talk about these things. Learning how to use my mind and body and skills in ways to satisfy myself and my partners in a way that will protect my body and decrease my pain. 

Id love to connect with other chronically ill kinksters and discuss more. 

Life is weird.

The world is fucked.

The planets are practically all in retrograde.

Like Wtf.

Update on me: