Taken Aurally

Hold on, let me look something up real quick

Yeah this is funny

what should I listen to

women

look, if i catch sight of a mutual's unfortunately popular post in the wild dragging their flailing body behind it, i am obligated to smack that pony's ass and send them for another round of the pasture. i'm sorry, it's nothing personal, but it's in my contract

...yeah that's fair

my dad had been dating my favorite character, who after they broke up, sent him a text saying that he was abusing me & my siblings (he wasn’t) and that they should get full custody instead

if you have to rely on specific scripts or turns of phrase to socialise that's totally fine, but you must NOT reveal them to your friends while slightly drunk. it's like showing how the magic trick works, you can't do it in front of them afterwards

i like dogs a lot but i can never remember the differences between breeds (apart from the few types i've actually owned/interacted with). but i know people looove their dogs and love talking about their dogs, so whenever im talking to a dog owner i'll ask what breed it is, and no matter what breed they say i'll say "oh! i've heard they have a really nice nature :D" and they always go YESSS THEY'RE GREAT and start gushing about their dog and we have a nice conversation and i build social credit with this person. anyway i told my friends about this script a few weeks ago when slightly drunk and now every time we're in public together and a dog goes past they turn to me and ask "does that one have a nice nature?" im in a hell of my own making

Our age of strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is collapsing

stop using hospitals as horror settings

fun alternative: cruise ships. cruise ships exploit workers and can pollute as much as a million cars on a daily basis while dumping endless shit into the ocean and endangering all passengers on board because the on board air quality rivals some of the most polluted cities in the world while being a breeding ground for disease. cruise ships deserve to have negativity associated with them

also all crimes commited aboard a cruise ship is under the juristiction of whichever country they’re registered to once they’re a certain distance away from land so you have the added bonus of the crimes being very unlikely to be properly investigated (due to usually being physically so very far from the actual police whose juristiction they’re under)

terrifying!

On top of THAT cruise ships tend to have their own morgue, as people tend to die on ships all the time. Good for those spooky scenes.

“I was hoping they’d beat me and forget about it but to my horror they stuck my work up on the fridge”