Taken Aurally

you are my coworker and to some extent my victim

its probably a normal sign for the economy that all of my adulthood fantasies are like "imagine having your own kitchen living room and bathroom to decorate" "what if i could get on a train" "maybe one day i could purchase a sturdy pair of shoes" "i should save and invest in a single bicycle"

“Why are American kids the sickest of any developed nation?” I dunno, maybe because we have a for-profit medical system, social welfare programs are constantly being undermined, environmental protections have been rolled back, companies are allowed to market any kind of bullshit they want, the housing/cost of living crisis means a lot of children are living in cramped, mold infested shitholes ran by landleeches and- vaccines? Oh, you think vaccines are what is causing it?

“are you okay?” oh my god no but for the purposes of this conversation yes i’m fine

woke up this morning, rolled over, and very confidently tried to blow out my alarm clock like a candle. absolutely no precedent for that.

Ebeneezer in 1742 wakes with a start as for some reason he has put out his guttering candle by slapping atop it ith the palm of his hand. His hand is burned and his nightgown and cap are spattered with hot wax.

Fascinated by the perceived necessity of an Equivalent Exchange

Those sick fucks at Ocean Spray will mix anything with a cranberry

What the fuck is radiation. "Hey there's this invisible force with the magical power to move every single molecule in your body a little bit to the left. Consequently you shit blood and die."

Make your haters become incubators when you wield the ovipositor of success