Taken Aurally

Always remembering to remark "and all funded with taxpayer money" about whatever bullshit medieval and renaissance etc kings and royalty were up to, because while there is literally no point in clarifying that, I am technically speaking not wrong.

"What do your elvish eyes see?" is Aragorn saying, as politely as possible, "Because the REST OF US are at a significant disadvantage, Prince Dipshit."

scientists have recently announced that exoplanet HR 3499a is no longer believed to be potentially capable of supporting life, after new spectroscopic readings indicated that it doesn't even have a dishwasher. "i mean, it doesn't even have a fucking dishwasher," said the lead researcher. "I guess you could live there, but, like, would you really want to?"

When you say "Shakespearean" you mean everybody dies at the end. When I say "Shakespearean" I mean interrupting the lead-in to the climactic scene to burn five solid minutes doing a 4/10 bit where two characters argue about the definition of a word.

remember to bury the dead with a phone, everyone. these days the ferry terminal at the river styx wants you to download a fucking app