I canât stop thinking about when Buddy kept on threatening to steal Silver and Bronze from the bois in season one. But heâs like, the size of a 2000s era Polly Pocket.
Like, he knew Chase and Deacon were gonna be taller than him if they met in person. Violet too, and yet he was all like, âDonât get attached to that key. Weâll get it back soon enough.â
Bro, what were you gonna do if he didnât give you Silver!?! Youâre no bigger than a hedgehog! Boris would eat ya before you even entered the kitchen.
Like, sure Buddy knew more about the bois than they did him, but that information would do jack all to aid in Buddy and Violetâs little quest to save their siblings from the âevil humans.â Knowing their names and location is only half the battle, dude.
You gotta know their friends, rivals, family members, location, schedules, likes and dislikesâ the list can go on. But knowing the enemy is half the battle. Iâm gonna quote The Art of War here, because yes, I do have the book:
In section One: Laying Plans Sun TzÇ states that war is a matter of life and death, so you gotta plan heavily. There are five constant factors when planning for battle:
1). The Moral Law: How loyal are the soldiers in the other army?
2). Heaven: whatâs the weather like? What time are you gonna strike? Will it be hot or cold?
3). Earth: How far away is the battle field, and how long is it? How dangerous is it? Is it narrow or vast?
4). The Commander: How smart, brave, and strict etc is the Commander?
5). Method and Discipline: how are the ranks treated? Whoâs in charge of what? Whatâs the road for supplies like?
On top of that, you gotta consider seven other things:
Which side (Buddyâs or Chaseâs) is imbued with the most Moral Law?
Which of the two generals has the most ability?
Who has the most advantages in the Heaven and Earth categories?
Which side is discipline heavily enforced?
Which side is highly trained?
Which side has a greater consistency of reward and punishment?
The point of these two lists is simple, âIf you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.â
Why does this matter? Well, all modern warfare, big or small follows The Art of War. This was the first book that basically said, âHey, if you feed your troops, youâll win more wars, guys.â And kings listened, because theyâre stupidly greedy enough to not even feed their people!!!!!â
From looking it over, Buddy and Violet donât have the advantage. Itâs not even close! They donât even move past the second stage of the book, Waging War. The war wouldnât even be a war, it would be more like a game of chicken!
Not only do you gotta know your enemy, the terrain, and the weather, but you gotta know yourself. If the war was in a book world, sure, they would have the upper hand. But Chase can bullshit his way out of quicksand, and Deacon is way more capable than he gives himself credit for. So no, it wouldnât be a victory for Team Villain Keys, but it would probably be a tie.
But letâs go back fighting irl. Because thatâs where it gets kinda stupid.
Letâs go over the five constant factors along with the seven other sub factors with the theoretical battle in question against Chase and Deacon.
In the terms of Moral Law, Iâd say itâs pretty even across the two sides. Buddy mostly follows Violet, heâs like her little duckling in my head. Heâs loyal to her and the other Keys, but now theres a problem already in place. Which Iâll get back to in a sec.
Chase is ungovernable unless itâs with Grandpa Ralph or his mom. Deacon is basically his brother, so the two do listen to each other, but not every well. But Chase and Deacon will catch the other if they fall, however. So Iâd say itâs weirdly even so far. But we need to add Silver, Bronze, and Goldie to the mix. Theyâre part of this battle too. They wouldnât know who this âBuddyâ is. Therefore, theyâll treat it as tho Ex Libris is after them. And because of that fact alone, Violet and Buddy have already run into a road block because Silver, Bronze, and Goldie donât want to return to Ex Libris. Plus, they want to help Chase. So the bonds of loyalty are higher in numbers. With Prunella, if we dare to count her, would make this battle very unfair in numbers. But with or without Goldie and Prunella, the numbers of loyalty are already stacked against The Villain Keys. But if we add Grandpa Ralph, an army vetâ yeah, theyâre cooked, Chat.
Next is Heaven. Itâs summer, so itâll be hot depending on when the two plan to strike. If itâs during the day, theyâll have more of an advantage because they canât get hot or cold. The humans can. Also, bedtimes and other activities need to be taken into account. There would be no way to know the boiâs schedules without being told willingly. But if it rains, they could get swept away in the wind or rain from their hight. Iâd say itâs even across the board here too. The timing of the attack is essential. For The Keys to have any upper hand, would have to be a very hot day/night with no rainfall.
Now we have Earth. Oh boy. Yeah, this is where The Keys are fucked. Due to their hight, the travel would be long no matter what. Since theyâre stuck in the town library, and Hollow Farm is outside of town, the trip would be long and difficult. Granted, they wouldnât need to breathe or take breaks, but a long trip is a long trip for tiny legs! It would take days! Maybe weeks to reach the farm, if they knew where they were going! Also, the battle would be on the Hollowâs turf. Farmland is long and vast, they can easily get lost. Plus with the animals, even if itâs a few, can still lead to some tricky situations. Boris could step on them or something. The boiâs have the upper hand by knowing the territory, and being bigger in size.
The Commander is next, and boy is it a doozy. If grandpa gets wind of any of this, heâd immediately take control of the situation. Just gonna throw that out there. But Chase would definitely lead. Heâd know Buddy the most out of the rest. And the other Keys would know Ex Libris pretty well, so theyâd plan for that. Violet would listen to Buddy, but Buddy would listen to her the most, even though heâd know Chase and Deacon the best. The chain of command would switch depending on what happens on both sides. But again, itâs not just about leading, itâs about following. A commander must know how to follow and lead. And The Villain Keys Team is pretty imbalanced due to the duckling metaphor I laid out earlier. Buddy isnât assertive enough with Violet, so sheâd take the lead out of the two. She may be smart, strict, and brave but Chase would let everyoneâs strengths shine. And Iâm not saying that because heâs the main character and I like him. Iâm saying it as someone whoâs read Toffee Break and Party Crashers, and that showed how command on both sides would function.
Due to where the battle would take place, Method and Discipline would go to Team Hollow. Theyâve got food, water, electricity, weapons/stuff to use and much more. Team Villain Keys have almost nothing! They may not need much, and they do have magic. But it would definitely be limited to book related stuff.
I donât think I need to go over much else. The seven subcategories kinda speak for themselves. Buddy and Violet are outnumbered, the size of an action figure, and donât know the terrain. They also donât know about Grandpa Ralph, and heâs a secret weapon. Buddy and Violet can definitely use their hight to escape from danger, but not all dangers. In fact, itâs actually a risk to be that short in a farm!
Suffice to say, Buddy was all talk and no bite with that threat.
Actually, Chase clocked him real good when he said heâs like a pointy marshmallow. Deacon may think heâs playing the nice guy who is secretly bad, but in actuality heâs playing the bad guy by mirroring Violet half the time and is secretly a baby duck who was left alone in the middle of the road and needs to be saved, asap. Which I think is adorable, he really looks up to her. Which, daaaaaaaaaw.
I do think Buddy assumed he could take Chase and Co down. But likeâŠ.. No. Maybe he can outwit him like that one meme said, (I canât find said meme) but like, not easily.
But now I canât reread season one with a straight face, because I know heâs no bigger than my chapstick! XDD
