#vomitingwords

dressed in his masculine vibes,

trying to avoid staring

at my wandering eyes

pursing his lips

swallowing all those words

I wished he could say out loud

i saw it coming, that someday, we’ll take different paths in the future. i just didn’t know it was too soon.

i saw it coming, that eventually, we’ll come to an end. that what we had was nothing but pure bliss. bliss that made me believe in love once again. bliss that made me think, love is too pure for us to experience.

To this time

Composed of

Everlasting moments

Of monotony

But never

To this space

Gory and ruthless

You can

Either sing or scream

To mark your presence

In this lonesome galaxy

But who cares

For you?

At the end of it all

After the sun sets

Noboy stays, I crawl

Life on this earth

Is unbelievably diverse

And stranger than fiction

And if this is false

Where should I move?

Beneath my apparel

Can't be hidden

My beauty and soul

If these aren't really scattered

Throughout the neighborhood

And beyond the horizon

Where the neons flicker

And blue

I still believe

I'm not lost in the crowd

And still as real

In your thoughts and heart

and dreams

As I'm here

Writing out my heart

For me and you

For us, I could die

Well in advance

But I beg

Don't you push me

Beyond the limits

Of my comfort

Beyond the zone

Of your faded presence

Help me fall asleep

My lost dear

Just keep singing old blues

Even if no one

Is witnessing

What I've been going through

How I've been bleeding inside

Over the years

My poetries are

Capturing this

Great depression

Frame to frame

Pain to pain

And those who are

In love

Say that it's a joke

You know what

The disease of mind

Isn't so cheap to treat

Like fevers and cough

And the fears

Of what mother would say

How she would react

Are there too

Kemana lensamu menuju? Apakah aku? Selalukah aku?

Barang tentu! Katamu.

Gambarku yang kamu ambil ini tidak jelas. Katanya titik fokusmu aku. Omong kosong, kah?

Bibir kutekuk. Sedangkan punyamu merekah sembari mengucap mantra menyebalkan namun manis di telinga.

"Lensa kamera melihatmu dengan teknologi dan indah baginya adalah potret alam. Sedang aku melihatmu dengan hati dan indah bagiku adalah kamu."

Yah. Andai kamu seromantis kata bualan yang dibungkus diksi puitis seperti itu.

of the hardest decisions

that I've made.

To walk away

from someone

I knew I can

always fight for.

Yet the truth is,

love was always

hard if it's

one sided.

Even if it's exactly

what you thought

Ngong Ping, Hong Kong. 16 June 2017