This is a vent and a rant about my (Elixir's) disabilities.
Oh yeah, happy Disability Pride Month! 🩶💚🩵🤍💛❤️🩶
I have been diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder a year or two years ago, waiting for it for four years. But, I don't really believe I have that, because everyone keeps placing their versions of what Autism is on me, and I apparently need to fit those versions.
Also, my faux pa (bio. father) believes I got Autism at age 15, which isn't true. I had symptoms since I was a toddler; my faux ma (bio. mother) knows that. She just doesn't want to admit it, because she's ableist. I literally had a meltdown recently (that was caused by unresolved trauma), and I flapped my arms, but I didn't cry – I kept mumbling. Everyone doesn't bring that up, because if they do, then that would mean they have to accept that I may not be 'low-level autistic,' like they keep saying I am. And, that I may need more support than they think. Especially, relating to my 'psychosis' and other sh#t. I have a f#cked up brain that no one wants to listen to.
Yes, my selective mutism has been said that it is part of my 'low-level autism,' and that it's not a big deal, because '[I] can still talk sometimes.' The only time I talk, is when they make me talk. One time, the Head of Year 13 told me 'Speak, [Deadname]' because I didn't talk at first. Hello? I couldn't! And, even if I could, I wouldn't. Just because I may be a 'low-level autistic' sapi, doesn't mean I shouldn't get support.
I want to say, I have tics too. I had tics for a long time. I don't remember how long, but it's usually sniffing or the eyes opening-and-closing thing. I used to neck-crack, but I managed to change it to head-jerking, so I wouldn't be hurting myself too much. I do have vocal tics, though I force them to be quieter, because last time, my faux pa threatened to send me away if I ever did a vocal tic again.
Yeeeeeeeeah, where I live and go for support is f#cked up. Justice for disabled folk!
I hate how my spawnpoints forget things, and I can't really remind them, because then, they're going to give me a stare. My faux ma literally stated that I may have tourette, and not ASD, that someone on her side of the family also experienced psychosis, hallucinations, delusions, and dissociations, but nooooo that can't be meeeeeeee.
I do believe they are anti-transID, which upsets me, because I also see my autism as an aesthetic. I don't know if it's related to all of this that happened to me. I don't believe it is. I believe I am aestheti-autistic, or something like that.
Anyway, sorry for the rant. Life's hard. If these people would just understand that autism is a spectrum, and that not everyone will fit into a random box they created, and that some other stuff can overlap, then my life would be amazing.
Again, happy Disability Pride Month. Stay safe. Take action, for those who can't. I'm going to rant more about my disability and trauma on my vent and fictionkin blog. I just wanted to put this on here too.
