#visual distortions

so, like, AIWS for me is usually only visual distortion. i've always described it like the world around me looks like its throbbing/pulsating. i've noticed folks seem to describe it like things are simultaneously black-and-white extremes, like for example:

feeling enormous like the Big Friendly Giant but also minuscule like Thumbelina

the space around you is both vastly spacious like a large empty gymnasium and cramped as hell like trying to fit yourself in a dollhouse

objects or people seeming really close like you're seeing them through binoculars or a zoomed-in photo online, but at the same time insanely far away as if you needed to yell from across a football field for them to hear you

even tho i never explained it as simultaneously opposing extremes, it's still exactly spot-on. i remember it only ever happening at night for some reason, and usually after i stare at something for seemingly too long and start to feel self-aware of perceiving reality. i recall as a child seeing the walls on the opposite side of my bedroom simultaneously or rapidly zooming in and out after taking in the size of the walls and focusing too hard on their connecting corners. when i looked away to try and make it stop, if i saw anything remotely rectangular or having flat edges then it would start occurring with that new thing in my sight. it usually stopped if i focused on something round, oddly enough. the worst part of these episodes for some reason was when something incredibly small felt like somehow it encompassed the entire universe? i totally forgot about that til i saw someone's reddit post mentioning it.

though there were nights where it would be so strong and constant it was horribly frightening - floors and walls would start moving like an unstable treehouse balancing on a singular weak limb, rectangles would lean into trapezoid shapes, the ground feeling like a wobbly conveyer-belt. it helped to walk out of my room during those worse episodes, though sometimes i'd walk into the bathroom and still feel like everything was spinning. walking during this time usually felt like time was moving unnaturally fast like is was on x4 speed or smth, but at the same time it felt slow since i was aware it wasnt actually sped-up movement.

that's when i'd start dissociating a bit and see a blurry hallucination of colorful hand-drawn sailboats? it was actually extremely soothing in comparison to the panic-attack-inducing distortion of reality around me, providing a gentle PBS Kids aesthetic of a visual that sailed smoothly across a cutely animated ocean. then when the vision disappeared everything would be normal again. this still happens with me today, which sucks, but the remembering the sailboats and isolating myself in a dark room helps remove all visuals that could possibly be distorted.

then of course Visual Snow Syndrome- i never had any idea what this was, the first time i saw it i was 3 or so maybe? i was, again, about to go to sleep when i saw colorful static making up the entire world around me. that night i was convinced they were an infestation of bugs? but no one else could see them? eventually i just randomly assumed it was this weird ability where i was sensitive to and could see molecules and atoms? but no apparently its a weird fuzzy neurological deviation. the thing about it tho is that wikipedia says the world tends to appear blurry when the static is visible, but my vision stays completely clear if not clearer, i just feel more aware of the visual static thats constantly in the background (its a lot easier to see in the dark or on a plain flat space that lacks luster and texture).

anyways, i've no idea if its common for folks with AIWS to also have Visual Snow Syndrome as well?just thought i'd share my experience with them in case someone else out there is feels they relate and is confused about it.

oh, and here's the reddit post i found that talked about AIWS - they articulate it so perfectly, i was amazed to see someone explain these symptoms that i've had yet had no understanding of what the heck it was:

The level of side effect we’re talking about here is really mild, more on the order of visual distortions: I might look at something and think at first that it is vibrating rapidly, or see movement out of the corner of my eye, see movement in a still image as I’m moving my eyes around on a web page, see text shrink and swell while I’m reading, look at an all-over pattern and see it subtly undulating. It’s really easy to double check with comparisons and my other senses to be sure what I’m seeing isn’t real, so they’re not terribly intrusive, and they don’t happen all the time, they’re just kind of irritating once in a while. Having had them for a little over a year now I can imagine that having more intense ones would be really unpleasant for me.

(Note: Fixed link. Sorry about that.)

Generally speaking, I dislike loud and busy parties.  I find that my senses become overloaded in a very short period of time - all the voices, all the background sounds, all the random noise, the echoes from hard surfaces... it's very unpleasant.  After a short period of time in such an environment, my vision is all but useless.  The fog, the mist, the random colors.. on top of that, my tactile sense goes nuts.  Being rubbed down with wet and dry sponges, fans blowing on the front and back of my head at full blast, my legs vibrating backwards and forwards (and knees dont bend backwards), my fingers bending in a direction they don't go in... it's not a pleasant environment to be in.