Clytemnestra: You should refresh your wardrobe. At least change your hair. Helen (offended): What is wrong with my hair? Leda (defending): Leave it alone. Clytemnestra: I will not. [Leda almost stood up from her seat] Clytemnestra: Your hair is cooler than hers. [Leda was pleased] Clytemnestra: And you are a senior citizen. [Leda was about to reach something under the table] Leda (ominous): I don't slap like one. Clytemnestra: ... Helen (in cold sweat): I do not want to change. I like who I am. Clytemnestra: Yes, but some of us have to be seen with you. [Helen dramatically gasped] Clytemnestra: Now you are the Golden Goose, it is time for you to HONK!!! [Helen rolled her eyes] Leda: Doesn't the scripture say a person shouldn't be too proud? Helen: Don't you remember, mother? Spartans ignore that part. Leda (lecturing): You can't piecemeal the word of the gods. Clytemnestra: That was not the gods, that was Daedalus. And his son became a star. Leda (sympathizing): After he flew too close to the sun. The poor lad met a terrible end... Helen: I've always admired your style. Maybe I can steal borrow some of your cool outfits. [Helen blinks innocently] Clytemnestra (ominous): You take my look, I take your life (ಠ益ಠ) [Sometime later in the evening] Helen: You're right, sister. I cannot feel my toes, but I look like a queen. Clytemnestra: Yes, we can never feel our toes. Leda (nods in approval): Mm-hm! [Tyndareus and his sons walk in the dining room] Tyndareus: Hey. Helen: Hello, father. Pollux: Why are you walking funny? Castor: Did you step in something? Leda: Look at her feet, you fools. Helen: They are not just shoes, they are a lifestyle (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧

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[As Agamemnon and Clytemnestra are about to go to sleep after they packed everything] Agamemnon: The best part of every trip is getting home to your own bed. Clytemnestra: My own bed. Agamemnon: Nice and firm, help out my back. Clytemnestra: So soft I can sink into it. Agamemnon: My light, linen sheets. Clytemnestra: My heavy, weighted blanket. Agamemnon: Like sleeping on Mount Olympus' clouds. Clytemnestra: Like sleeping in a cozy grave. Agamemnon: ... Clytemnestra: ... Agamemnon: Clytemnestra, my wife, would you do me the honor of sleeping in your own bed tonight so that I can sleep in mine and spread out like I'm ready to protect Lady Aphrodite? Clytemnestra: Oh, I will. [The next morning] Clytemnestra: Kaliméra, sister and brother-in-law. Menelaus: Did you spend the night here? Clytemnestra: Yes. Helen: Without Agamemnon? Clytemnestra: Yes. Menelaus: What did you do? Helen: Was there a fight? Menelaus: Did you hit him? Clytemnestra: Agamemnon and I just wanted to spend the night in our own beds. Helen: O theoí mou! What will our parents say? Clytemnestra: Our parents will not know. Menelaus: They will when she tells them. Helen: Am I supposed to talk about the weather? My sister's marriage is falling apart. Menelaus: You understand that we care about you very much. Clytemnestra: I do. Menelaus: So know this comes from a place of love. [Menelaus takes away Clytemnestra's breakfast] Menelaus: Leave this palace and never come back. Helen: Do not make us spend money on changing the locks. Clytemnestra: It is just one night. Menelaus (to Helen): Call the locksmith.

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Bonus Agamemnon: Good morning. How's everyone doing? Menelaus: Brother, what are you doing here? Shouldn't you have left already? Helen: Did you actually sleep in your own beds? Clytemnestra: Husband, you're here. Have the servants moved the bed frame to the carriage? Menelaus and Helen: *Le gasp*

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I almost had Agamemnon reference Ixion to the part where he mentions being Aphrodite's protector (starfish).

Originally, Tyndareus and Leda were supposed to be there. But, I felt Menelaus and Helen are a better choice.