so starved of basic respect that one of my friends asking for consent to put his hand on my back during a team-bonding exercise today nearly sent me to tears
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My heart hurts and I really just want to be able to be vulnerable with someone. I barely let people touch me (trama thing not just sensory), but I really want to have a partner in my life that I trust enough to let them be with me, ya know?
I don't know how I will ever trust someone that much, but I really want to.
I'm still getting used to the idea that I don't have to marry someone I don't want to, so I'm gonna get to pick who I sleep with... well I was anyway, but I've decided not to just give into cultural pressure and just marry a man because I'm expected to.
I'm getting used to the fact that I'm gay. I don't hate myself for it anymore, just having a hard time convincing myself that it's okay to be in a relationship with a woman.
I just want to have a relationship where I really love the person and want them to see all of me, ya know? And I know relationships are never perfect, but I keep dreaming of that one moment where the whole world goes silent because I trust them.
Anyway, don't really know if I had a point to this, just wanted to talk to someone about it. I like the prospect of my future if there are moments like that waiting for me.
Thanks for listening. ❤
- 🫖
Hi sweet 🫖 anon…!!
{Let’s Talk Relationships & Trust}
Thank you for sharing. I truly appreciate your vulnerability and bravery. You are always welcome to share in this space. And I’m sorry to hear about your headache 😞♥️
Warnings: longer response, talk of relationships.
I hear you with the physical touch thing. I truly do. I have my own personal experience with trauma in regard to physical touch, so I am extremely sensitive to touch. Trauma can completely put our receiving and giving of physical touch out of whack. Which is unfortunate… Your feelings and trauma are both valid. There is an interesting correlation between trauma and touch, if you want to check it out—The Importance of Touch for Trauma. ♥️
I feel for you when you talk about wanting a partner that you trust enough to be in your life, I do. It’s natural to want that human connection with people. It’s natural to socialize, to love, to want to be close to someone. All of this is extremely valid. Don’t give up, sweet anon. Keep searching. The world is a vast and expansive place, you will find someone.
You mentioned wanting to trust someone, but not knowing if you are able to. That is so understandable, and I hear you. Trust issues are unfortunate and more common than I’d like them to be. I’d ask you to think about your trust issues and where they came from? Address and reconcile with yourself the root of the trust issues. Go through your experiences with a professional if you feel like you need expertise help. Sometimes trust issues aren’t the root cause, but are actually just a symptom for an underlying problem… You got this, I believe in you 💞💞💞
You then mention cultural pressure around marriage, sex, and committing to a man early on. I agree with what you said, do not give into such pressures, whether it is cultural, religious, family, friends, etc. You need to what is best and healthy for you. If you have the choice/ability, do not marry until you yourself are ready, do not sleep with people until you yourself are ready. You matter. Your needs matter. Advocate for yourself.
*sigh* I hear you, anon. I am so proud of you for how much progress you've made in accepting yourself. So proud. Take your time. Accepting yourself for who you are can take time. Give yourself grace. Talk about it. Process it. Heal in time.
You are right, relationships aren’t perfect. But I feel for you, I do. Your feelings are valid. I want that love and trust and understanding with another person for you as well. You deserve that. You deserve all the love and the trust and the understanding.
Thank you for sharing, sweet anon. It always makes my day to hear from you! 🥰🥰 and I get it! Focus on that bright future of yours, make it happen!! 💞💞 You got this. Hope you have a lovely day/night! ♥️
Once you do me dirty, I may forgive you, but I will never treat you the same. You’ll never get the old me again.
There are many different kinds of people in this world, some very good, some very bad, and everything in between. The majority of people are not completely trustworthy, so you have to be smart and continually watch your back. Many people are willing to stab you in the back if they…
November 15: What’s your biggest regret? How would your life have been different if you’d made another decision?
I think my biggest regrets, plural, are associated with trusting people. That would explain why trusting others is so difficult to me. I’m extremely hard on myself and I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t help it. There are many people in my life who have hurt me emotionally and physically in ways I’m not going to describe and I trusted many of them.
In a way, I carry the guilt when I know I shouldn’t. I keep telling myself I should have noticed their toxic behavior earlier, or I shouldn’t have expected them to change, or I should have seen the real people behind the façade. In a way, I always end up telling myself it was my fault. They lied to me, cheated on me, made up crap about me, used me, and treated me like shit BECAUSE I ALLOWED THEM TO. It was my fault! I should have known better! I was the one who stayed, the one who remained quiet, the one who trusted them, wasn’t I?
And little by little, my own guilt, my own anger at myself caused me to build up walls to keep people at bay. I was stupid, you see? I was too naïve, too caring, too loving, too trusting. I’ve always had this fucking tendency to want to see the best in people and that’s how I end up hurt again and again. I can’t be trusted! My inner self doesn’t trust me for that reason! And she’s totally right. I don’t blame her for not trusting me because I should know better. I should know better by now!
Sometimes, I wish I could build a bubble and stay inside it. I wish I could stay in my house forever and just leave when absolutely necessary for grocery shopping or stuff that I can’t take care of online. I wish I didn’t need human connection, because that’s the one thing that puts me in a vulnerable situation. I wish I could close my eyes and reach the end of the road. Not that I’m in any way implying that I want to help bring the end sooner than it’s supposed to, but… I wish time could literally fly.
So, yeah, my biggest regret is trusting others. And overcoming my trust issues is also my biggest challenge. Nothing new to see here.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
Can second chance love survive past trauma? Reece has one goal: to compete in the Olympic Games. With the gymnastics World Championships looming, his dream is one step closer to becoming a reality.
Today we review Colette Davison's recent release "HOLD ME UP" book 1 in her new series "Chasing Gold"
Come on over and read our 5 Star Review and find out all about the book.
