#trusting self

My son said something yesterday that made me sad.  “I don’t believe she will come.  Every time she says she is coming to the house something else comes up.” These comments sparked this short blog.

Children are born to explore, to create, and to be optimistic about tomorrow.  They learn trust, develop self-reliance, find self-confidence and more as they relate to adults and explore the world.  Unfortunately, not all children grow up in homes that allow them to develop in a positive manner.  My children are lucky – they are growing in a supportive environment, and have even the added benefit of forging relationships with an extended network of positive role models and mentors. However, even in the best of situations, my son learned not to depend on friends and certain adults to do what they say.  After too many experiences of grandparents, mentors and classmates’ parents making arrangements and then having plans fall through, my son has develop a cynicism regarding scheduling.  He does not believe that adults are to be trusted.  When preparations are made for an event he has an attitude of, “I’ll believe it when I see it.”

Written February 3, 2012

I’m taking a step towards what could be,

with bravery and a bit of wisdom.

I’ve chosen to choose the unchosen,

irrespective of the fear it incites within my being.

I let go of the comfort of what I’ve always done,

because, in truth, there is no serenity there.

I cringe at the patterns I’ve formed.

Deeply embedded pathways in my mind and heart,

arise to the surface without warning or welcome.

I’m seeking new narratives.

Solitude always felt closer to death.

Inexplicably, I am finding life,

and it speaks a foreign language I’m yearning to understand.

In my seclusion I am finding abundant companionship.

I’ve never felt closer to the hearts of others.

And so I swim, paddle, wade, sputter and splash around.