#triangulation

Triangulation is a form of abuse, often associated with narcissistic abusers, which works in a way that gets the abuser what they want, by involving other people into the relationship. It will usually happen when you and the abuser are in some kind of conflict, and want different things; the abuser tells you what they want you to do, and you know you don't want this, so you say no, and stand your ground.

When the abuser realizes they can't persuade you, threaten you, force or pressure you into doing what they want, they go a roundabout way about it, by convincing other people to go and pressure you instead. Now how does that look like?

It can go multiple ways, they can come and cry to other people about how incredibly cruel, insensitive and selfish you are, not wanting to do this one thing to them, and how it's killing them, and ruining yours and everyone else's life. They'll often sprinkle in some lies about you, make you look cruel and twisted. They can come to your siblings, friends, relatives, family, and tell them something along the lines 'I know it's only right for them to do x, but they won't listen to me. However, they really value your opinion, and they might listen to you, please tell them to do x, it would be better for everyone.' This will make the person feel important and happy to be valued both by the abuser and you and to be given this important task of changing your mind, they'll become willing to do it. Or, if they go the crying and complaining route, the person will become annoyed that they're being vented on and feel like it's your fault they're now having to deal with this. The abuser might also add imagined disasters and catastrophes that might happen, if you do as you want, and not follow their idea of how things should go.

This person, having been manipulated into thinking they're doing something good, will go and try to tell you that you're wrong for wanting to do what you want, sometimes they'll accuse you of being selfish, yell at you, defend the abuser's idea, pressure you, accuse you of being responsible for abuser's "upset" by acting this way, and will wholeheartedly try to convince you that following your own free will is a horrible, disastrous idea.

And for you, this now means you have to consider, and reconsider over and over again, if you have the right to make your own call, because now everyone in your life seems to be on the abuser's side, and insisting that what you want is stupid, selfish, inconsiderate, hurtful, wrong, potentially disastrous. This, of course, is not true, but the abusers want you in that spot, where everyone you know is against you and on their side, convincing you to just do as you're told, or else. This can sometimes create intense pressure and feeling like you're all alone in the world, like nobody cares about you, and that any decision you make will be beaten down by everyone involved. It can also make you pull down your own choices after having to consider over and over if it's possible that this choice could be selfish or in any way hurtful, and this is not how people normally make calls, it's something you do under intense pressure and scrutiny, which is there only because the abuser wanted it.

These choices can be anything from where you go to school, work, where you live, how you dress, who you date, what you buy, how you respond to others, what you do, how you act. Often they'll be about whether you give the abuser what they want from you, and whether you agree to talk to them or not. The biggest triangulations I've experienced in my life were done when I've refused to talk to the abusers, then they felt it was necessary to lie and manipulate every person I knew to pressure me into extending contact  - and all of those people have been lied to, and have been brought to a heavy emotional state in order to do a crazy thing like telling someone what to do. Normally people don't do such things, they understand it's not their place to dictate someone's personal decisions.

This is partly what makes the abusers so dangerous, not only they're willing  to cross that line themselves, but they're capable of making others cross it too, making their every whim seeming like a life emergency where all rules of freedom and privacy are null. This also puts you in a position where you're forced to doubt yourself, your every decision, and even your senses, to figure out if you could possibly be right, when everyone you know is telling you that you're wrong. They want you to be in that desperate mindset, doubting your own senses, memories, decisions. It's almost like a form of gaslighting, that everyone participates in.

Your choice is, of course, never wrong. You always have the freedom to make your own decisions, even if the entire world decides to attack you for it and to tell you that you're wrong. The entire shitshow is happening only because the abuser thinks what they want is more important than your free will and your quality of life, and they're willing to lie and push people into doing their bidding, just to bypass your free will. You don't have to doubt any of these decisions, because any choice you make is right, as long as you're the one who made it.

Being trapped in that space where it feels like everyone is against you, and on the abuser's side can be extremely isolating, painful and emotionally heavy. It can put you in a state where you feel abandoned and like you're wrong and evil for every decision you try to make. However, this isn't true, all of the people who are telling you that you're wrong, actually have no clue what's going on, and have been fed lies. Not that it hurts any less that they've betrayed you despite not even understanding the situation! It hurts badly. They've been naive enough to fall for a manipulation, and their moral standing weak enough to try and infringe on your freedom, and you didn't deserve that. They've aligned themselves with a person who has hurt you and is attempting to control you, and that feels terrible, like you're alone and helpless against a whole horde of people.

One thing you can do is point out how it's not their place to make this call, and ask them what they've been told in order to come and tell you something as inappropriate and hurtful like this. I can't claim it's going to work every time, but some people were taken aback when they were informed of some of the stuff the abuser just 'forgot to mention' when sending them into action. Sometimes even that won't make them back down, because it's embarrassing to accept that you've been manipulated into being someone's tool, and they'd rather insist they're completely in the right. It's a messed up game where you essentially can't win, the best you can do is stick to your decision and inform everyone who comes to pressure you, that you're not in fact, doing anything illegal and if they want to change your decision they'll have to bring out an army to force you.

If you are a woman who keeps up with her looks and fitness, they will compliment you on that consistently, only to try to throw in digs at how you “look bigger” in some photos, or how you look like you’ve been eating good. They’ll tell you that you “look tired” when you’re feeling and looking just fine to start to sow seeds of insecurity and have you micromanaging and being hyper vigilant about your looks around them.

If you are a woman who is deemed free-spirited or easy going they will mention other women who tried to proposition them (only to reassure you that no, they didn’t accept). They’ll bring up female friends who may or may not be interested in them, or say how so many people think they are handsome in an attempt to bring out insecurity or jealousy in you, to try to get you to cling to them and become co-dependent while triangulating you with imaginary people and scenarios.

If you are a woman who is comfortable in solitude, they will initially try to smother you with affection and compliments and then withhold or withdraw them, to get you to cling to them or to ask, beg, or relay how much you miss them. They will withhold compliments, will not give you affection, or will purposefully leave you or walk ahead of you in public so that you will metaphorically (and literally) have to chase and keep up with them.

It’s important as a woman to know that it’s not a bad thing for you to think “I’m too good for this/them/this situation/him.” That is your intuition telling you something is off. Everyone does not deserve a chance to experience your time or presence, and that does not make you arrogant. It doesn’t matter how many times a man asks you out, wants your time. If something in you says “no” don’t let anyone wear your down or convince you otherwise. That’s not being rude or mean. It makes you wise, and strategic. Men know this.

Men who know that you are indeed too good for them in some way, shape, or form will try to manipulate you in various ways so you will feel like you need them, because deep down they know they don’t deserve the spot they falsely secured to begin with. So they try to pick and dig at your self-esteem, your pride, your looks, so you will feel that you don’t deserve them or that you need them —not the other way around.

And yes, if you are well put together, good looking, well-spoken, and intelligent, the harder they will go to get you in the beginning, and the worse the manipulation will be afterwards, because some men feel that the only way to obtain a woman of that caliber is to break her emotionally or mentally, so she can become a shell of herself and be “built up” again by his external validation.

Ah well, "The Deal" starts with the episode "Triangulation", which is sadly quite after those episodes ( I say sadly because me and my GF had hardly tried to find a way to find a way to save Breakdown in a coherent way, but we haven't find one). You can consider episodes before "Triangulation" (which we renamed "Ice Dilemma") canon in "The Deal" (given some differences about characters behaviour as written in the (Head)MasterPost

Triangulation in writing refers to incorporating a third element to enrich a scene, often in dialogue. This technique can increase intrigue, suspense, and meaning by drawing the attention of two characters to something else.

Basically, give characters a goal/something to do as they are talking. I am begging you Shannon.

You could argue that triangulation has always been lacking in her writing, at least to varying extents. But in Stellarlune, it’s reaching an out-of-this-world level of misery. Especially since Shannon compensates for it in the worst possible way (I’ll touch on this at the end).

I’m going to give you a few examples, as well as suggest how triangulation could have made those scenes more dynamic.

Chapter One: Sophie and Grady discuss Keefe running away

In this chapter (which is just one scene, really), the dialogue is the only thing remotely interesting… and everything that isn’t dialogue is just… incredibly awkward (honestly dialogue itself was awkward, but that’s a rant for another time).

This chapter, despite being the very first one and supposed to be somewhat attention-seeking, has lengthy breaks between two pieces of dialogue that only serve to give unecessary exposition, recap, or a monologuing reaction to something that was said to Sophie outloud. 

Its three (3) pathetic attempts to break away from the conversation (to describe actual actions, not monologue) are clumsy at best, amateurish at worst. Just look at this: 

”Sandor was in the process of frantically amping up Havenfield’s security because she’d burned down one of the Neverseen’s storehouses earlier, and everyone seemed to think that meant she’d officially started the war they’d been teetering on the brink of for years—but she couldn’t worry about that at the moment.” (This sentence is a bane to read)

”He glanced out her windows, where the clouds were slowly turning pink with the sunset.” 

”Sophie studied the giant orb made up of small, glittering crystals dangling from the roof of Havenfield’s cupola.” 

The paradox here is that, each of the rare times the narration interrupts the dialogue to describe a physical motion, we are reminded of how empty the room is.

How it could’ve been fixed with basic triangulation: 

A silly (or stupid, depending on mood) detail in Stellarlune that most may not have noticed is how, each time Sandor is or isn’t in a scene, we are reminded that he is somewhere ”amping up security” or ”with his new patrols”. In Chapter 23, there is even a moment when Forkle compliments Sandor on his new patrols, saying they are ”impressive” and Sandor stands up a little bit straighter. 

But here’s the funny (or maddening) bit: we never get to see what his new security measures are. Not even a one-word glimpse. We don’t see any of his soldiers on patrol. We don’t see any trap or complex movement reader or alarm—we get nothing, nada, rien.

Triangulation could have fixed both this weird problem and the white room issue in this very first scene of the book. How? 

Have Sophie (and Grady) actively participate in the amping up of Havenfield’s security. Here’s why:  

— Because Sandor would realistically never let Sophie out of his sight after she has just declared a war (she even wonders this in the chapter, but we aren't given an answer).

— Because Sandor would want to show to Sophie that her actions have consequences (a point that Forkle has attempted to make in the previous book, but that never sticked the landing in Sophie’s brain). 

— Because Sophie needs to realise how much Sandor is investing to protect her. Yes, she says that she is ”grateful for Sandor’s protection”, but I’m not sure she (or we, readers) realise how much he’s doing for her. 

— Because I need to see Sandor actually doing something, instead of other people saying he is doing something off-page. 

— Because it’s best to give a slight delay to Sophie’s reaction to the letter (this is how you hook the readers). 

Just imagine how much better the conversation about ”making decisions based on fear” would have been had Grady’s admission to being terrified wasn’t in a room pink with sunset, a carpet of flowers and a soft bed ; but outside, backs exposed, as they are setting up alarms to not get murdered in their sleep.

Chapter Four: Cassius and Gisela discuss Keefe’s potential 

I think Shannon added Sophie and Cassius’ live commentary and thoughts about the memory (which she never did before Unlocked’s cache opening because it’s stupid—the memory is not going to stop for them) to hide the fact that this is just a conversation between two people idly sitting together in an underdescribed and insignificant room.

Triangulation could have given the scene a vivid visual imagery of the power imbalance in the couple, as well as physicalised Gisela’s moustache-twirling evilness. How? 

Have Cassius try to paint to soothe his nerves and Gisela purposefully disturbing his peace and privacy to interrogate him about Keefe.

Just imagine Gisela placing herself daringly between Cassius’ easel and his subject, attempting to keep his mood as low as possible.  

Imagine her intentionally moving his subject around (Cassius is 100% a still-life painter) when he isn’t answering her questions the way she wants him to. 

Imagine Cassius applying the brushstroke too strongly when Gisela jabs at his ego or laughs at him for being far beneath her. 

Imagine the easel crashing into the ground as Cassius is knocked around by a Gisela trying to sedate him.

How Shannon has tried to compensate for lack of triangulation (and why it doesn’t work) 

To put it simply: she repeats the same tricks to built the illusion of meaningful movements to her characters. But they all fall on the empty and sometimes ridiculous side. 

Some examples that occured more than once in Stellarlune: 

Someone cracking their knuckles 

Someone unsheathing a dagger/sword 

Someone slashing the air in front of them with said dagger/sword

Someone clenching their fists 

Someone scaring off the birds (this is just a jab at Chapter 20 lmao) 

There are also micro-reactions that are repetitive and uninspired: 

Someone letting a heavy/dramatic sigh

Someone rolling their eyes

Someone grinning 

And in Chapter Two, you could argue she was attempting triangulation (or humor) with Ro and Elwin’s ”bizarre showdown” but that was so cartoonishly ridiculous I really wish the editor had been ten times more ruthless. 

Keep in mind

Triangulation is not always needed. But you best have at least something going on in the scene outside of the dialogue. Some movement, moving around, room changing, ANYTHING. There are scenes that don’t need this, for example more introspective scenes, but STILL.