#transfem nonbinary

Second choice? Yeah. Back up plan? Happens. Fetishized? Always.

But never just chosen. Never just pursued. Never loved quite as much as we need. Never the object of obsession. Never the focus of passion.

Every love feels like it's one better option disappearing like a vapor in the wind.

So I say all that to say, if you're romantically inclined, and you love a trans girl. Choose her. Really choose her. Choose her in every moment. Make her feel like she's the only one that matters and do it every day, because it's possible, likely even, that she's never felt that before.

Really choose her, or you will break her heart.

Ribbit from The Amazing Digital Circus is an intersex transfeminine non-binary veldigirl (link) oriented aroace (link) canonically using she/they pronouns, and her variation is Klinefelter Syndrome (Trisomy XXY)!

Intersex flag-only and popular transfem flag edits under the cut!

I remember being really upset at my long eyelashes as a child because people would call them pretty (and sometimes would think I was a girl) and I didn't know how I was supposed to feel about that. That was probably nothing.

I remember not wanting to get my hair cut, and my mother would ask me if I wanted people to think I was a girl with my long hair. I was no longer upset at the idea, but I knew I was supposed to say no. That was probably nothing.

I remember reading the first few books of the Naruto manga when they were brand new and I was very young. Haku seemed really important and I wanted to show everyone how cool the character was. They all thought the concept strange and disgusting. I kept on thinking it was cool, I just learned to be quiet about it. That was probably nothing.

I remember being really into the Powerpuff Girls for a very short period of time, and then it was practically banned in our home. I wanted to see the movie in theaters. I didn't. That was probably nothing.

I remember, when I learned what my parents would have named me if I'd been born a girl, the information stuck in my brain. It felt important. That was probably nothing.

I remember walking with my hands clasped and sitting with my legs crossed until those behaviors were corrected. That was probably nothing.

I remember my middle school had a pool, and for ¼ of our school year, PE was replaced with swimming. I insisted on getting a swim shirt because I felt bare without a shirt on. And I was always more interested in swimming, running, playing sports with the girls. That was probably nothing.

I remember countless times of being forced to hang out with the boys my age at church, and feeling like the hallway scene from She's the Man. What is all this riot, what is happening, I don't belong here, am I really expected to act like this. I remember always having the wrong answer for celebrity crushes. The boys I chose to hang out with were calmer and sweeter and grew up to be brilliant women.

I remember being kind of embarrassed when my voice deepened. I remember being sad when I got put in the bass section of school choir when I had previously been in tenor. I liked being a part of several different groups (choir, theater, stage crew) and feeling like an ambassador or inside man, able to move about between social spheres with ease, confined to none and belonging in all. The tenor section felt almost like that - I could help the basses if they needed it, join the altos if they needed me. I liked being in the middle, not just one thing. Also probably nothing.

I wasn't a girl. I knew that. I had no words for what I was, so "boy" fit about as fine as anything.

As a mormon missionary, I enjoyed spending my free time with the sisters more than the elders (though there were a few elders that I really liked spending time with – I just thought they were neat). One of my favorite transfers was in a district that was just me, my companion, and a bunch of sister missionaries. I felt relatively free there.

A couple years later I got into a gamified subreddit (that I now recognize was probably transphobic in nature) in which people in the comments would guess, based on a photo, whether the person in question was male or female. I found the more challenging posts highly compelling. Like, I was transfixed. My roommates thought they were strange and disturbing, but I thought they were cool. I ended up googling "what does it mean to be attracted to androgynous people", finding someone on Quora or something with a similar question, and reading the top answer: "idk, it sounds like you're just bisexual." Oh. Ohhhhhhh. A lot of things clicked, but not everything.

When I first met an out nonbinary person, I think I was 22 years old. I was enthralled by them. I still didn't think it was something that I could be. You can't be born a boy and become nonbinary, right? Even later, none of the people I met or saw online or heard of anywhere were like me. I wished I could be that though.

I guess sometimes wishing makes it so.

The pronouns went first. To people I felt safest around, then eventually to my whole family, then to the world.

It's funny, the HRT happened before the name change. I decided to try estrogen to see it it made me feel more at home in my body or less. Haven't looked back.

The name took a while because I felt it had to be special, and it had to embody what I wanted to be. I don't regret taking my time. I like my name.

I'm not a feminine man, and I'm not a butch trans woman. I'll never erase who I am in service of some abstract concept of identity representation. Especially since meeting just one person like me, ever, in the first 25 years of my life, could have changed everything. They would have stood out in my mind like a signal fire on a dark coastline.

This is a post meant to make its followers aware of whether or not their identities are respected, and aware of its harmful stances.

We do not encourage harassment of this individual.

[PT: We do not encourage harassment of this individual.]

It has yet to address its harmful posts, which bothers us greatly. It needs to make it known whether it has changed its views, or if it is going to double down on its harmful standpoints.

Status-quo-hater has, in this post and this post:

1.

-Said that to identify as a trans woman, you have to have "transitioned into womanhood" - while simultaneously saying that non-binary people who are SPETE (someone perisex expected to estrogenize) cannot identify as trans women (thus equating non-binary womanhood to binary womanhood, when they are separate experiences.) This directly harms non-binary women who are SPETE (ie; demigirls, girlfluxes, multigender women, etc), as it is treating them as either a cisgender woman (which is malgendering by only acknowledging their womanhood) or genderless/gender neutral (which is misgendering by ignoring their womanhood), and implies that they have no social or physical transition towards womanhood necessary. That is untrue. Non-binary women who are SPETEdo have to transition towards womanhood - it's just a different type of womanhood than what was previously established. This falls into the same narrative as calling them "basically cis." It also separates non-binary women who are SPETE from non-binary women who are SPETA, by allowing some non-binary women to use the trans women label, but not the other ones. This is hypocritical considering it has said in the past that it doesn't think trans people should be defined by their assigned gender/sex.

2.

-Said that trans women who are SPETE are misusing the "trans women" label, which completely ignores re-transitioning women (ie; "detrans" women, who are re-transitioning into womanhood.) Is their transition back into womanhood not a transition?

3.

-Told plurals how to identify their genders, as a singlet. It has no right to input on this whatsoever, and should leave that to the plurals within its community. (We swear, no matter how plurals identify their genders, singlets will always argue and never be satisfied.)

4.

this just in! Google Gemini refusing to respect nonbinary pronouns

golf uses they/them pronouns and is a non-binary icon. they identify as kathoey. they are a politician and advocate for LGBTQ+ rights. they focus on gender non-conformity.