It was not a mistake, and socially + medically transitioning in a masculine direction helped me feel fulfilled as a person. However, no person is the same at 13 as they are at 23. To preface, I am not detransitioning. That doesn't feel like the right way to phrase it, because for as long as I have been a self-aware person, I have lived as a boy/man. As such, a lot of my experiences with repression, my egg cracking, and my new transition mirror that of transfeminine experiences relatively closely. If I were detransitioning, I would identify as a cis woman, but my experience doesn't feel like it aligns with that as well as it aligns with the experience of transfems. Rather than a detransition, it feels more akin to a retransition.

I've been struggling deeply with shame about this feeling for the past two years. Up until about December of 2025, I felt evil and repugnant for the way I identified, and I tried very, very hard to not be the way that I am, but it was the terrifying experience of talking to my closest friends and being accepted and loved unconditionally that gave me the courage to pursue this avenue of gender. More than anything, I am so, so grateful to my dear friend Coraline for being the first person to see me exactly as I am. I can't explain to her enough how much her point-blank acceptance meant to me, and how much her friendship still means to me.

For several years, I thought I was a detransitioner. It turns out that I was just a plural system and didn't know about it (we'd had a switch in main fronters in my median system from a genderfluid person to a cis girl).

To me, it seemed like my identity had changed. All I knew was that I'd used to think I was trans and now thought I was a cis person.

It was really hard to have trans people tell me, over and over, that they believed everyone had the right to self identify, but I didn't. They believed everyone had the right to bodily autonomy, but I didn't. They believed everyone had the right not to be misgendered, but I didn't.

My partner and a few friends stood by me and I had to watch the rest of my friends leave. Any new trans people that I met during that time wanted nothing to do with me, leaving me extremely isolated and alone. Terfs knew this and reached out to me many times to try to get me on their side.

All this, and I *wasn't even detrans*. Most trans people think they're cis at some point in their lives. All other detrans people I met during this time were queer and were using that label for reasons like going from identifying as a binary trans person to identifying as non-binary.

I've always been really into transformation kink and the next year is obviously going to be a prime opportunity to reinvent myself, in what way? who knows! There's all kinds of people I could transform into. It's becoming increasingly clear exercising will be an aspect of it. I have increasingly wanted to become fit and get involved in some athletic activity which has never really been my thing. I also might dye my hair again but I don't know yet.

Those things are a little tame. I think most likely the archetype I want to transform into is something like "completely unhinged slightly alt manic cosplay girl and streamer"

This has roots in what i am and what I have experimented with in the past but I want the persona to consume me.

Expecting their hips and curves to fall back in the same place that they were before starting with the transition and becoming more frustrated at the changes they made to themselves.