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The constant pressure for people to give hugs, shake hands, or otherwise touch people is touch-normative and asenphobic. It is also ableist, because a lot of people are touch repulsed due to physical pain, sensory issues, anxiety/paranoia, or other symptoms of neurodivergence or physical/sensory disability.
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I like relationships. I like being in relationships, I like doing the relationship stuff, and I like doing relationship stuff with people I care about. I also don’t mind others being attracted to me, and I even enjoy it sometimes.
Attraction, however? Me feeling attraction? Is an abstract concept to me. I think I feel some forms of attraction sometimes, but I can’t tell which ones!
— Partnering Aspec Troubles lol
[ID: Seven pixel hearts of various flags in order being Touch Favorable, Touch Indifferent, Touch Repulsed, Touch Averse, Touch Ambivalent, Touch Oscillating, and Touch Drained. End ID]
@revenant-coining
Touch Averse / Touch Ambivalent / Touch Oscillating
Touch Stances (not exactly sure where I stand) (also not sure about this title ☹️)
How does one determine where they stand(?) when it comes to the touch stances?
Like I think I'm either touch oscillating or touch ambivalent (I'm not 100% sure)
I am very much uncomfortable with being hugged (or really just touched in general) without warning (which my dad does a lot), and I can't stand touching strangers (the best I can do is a fist bump)
I'm like a cat in the sense that I either have to be the one to initiate the affection or in rare cases it's someone I'm close to that can initiate it (if that makes sense) and even then I rarely initiate affection (physical) at all
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Touch-Ambivalent
[ID: a rectangular flag with 4 equally-sized horizontal lines with a thicker one in the middle. colors in this order from top to bottom: dark blue, blue, light blue, blue, dark blue. in the center of the flag is a pale pink circle outlined in black-blue. inside the circle is a black-blue symbol of a question mark. End ID]
a personal touch-ambivalent flag for me !
@oneofmanyarchives
I was in a comment section a while ago on tiktok and the topic was how a lot of ppl are extremely touchy with their friends, which is obvs fine, but specifically how people expect everyone to be ok with that (being touched)
I brought up how I don't enjoy being casually (hugs, hand holding, stuff like that) touched by anyone I'm not romantically involved with. The replies I got to the comment non stop questioning and bashing me for being more comfortable being touched by a romantic partner than family. Someone even said it was a sign of either "severe mental illness or being self absorbed".
I mentioned to them that I only date people I have some sort of established relationship with and they still insisted that I would rather be physically affectionate with a stranger than family (nothing wrong with that anyways) and that that is a problem I need to solve. Explaining that I'm demiromantic also lead to people saying the "youre not special, everyone is like that" which I didn't care enough to explain why that's not true.
In my personal preferences I don't like being touched due to sensory issues, skin allergies, germs, and general dislike. Because of that i only allow those I am willing to essentially share germs with to touch me after a very boring conversation of my boundaries and many annoying allergies lol
This is touch normativity, ableism, and arophobia.
Why is it so hard for people to understand that touch can be a complicated subject for people? Not everyone is touch-favorable. Touch-repulsion, touch-aversion, touch-ambivalence, and touch-indifference exists too.
Additionally, not everyone has overlapping sensual and familial attraction.
Also, I hate when people say "everyone is like that" about demiromantic attraction, because its simply not true. So many people get romantic crushes on their peers without needing to form a close emotional bond first. So many alloromantics daydream and fantasize about kissing and dating and marrying people they've barely (or potentially haven't) spoken to.
Thanks for pointing out the struggles with wanting/accepting physical touch from others. I'm personally touch repulsed in general and my family decided that I was intentionally starting drama when I put up any boundaries. Afterwards I had my personal space and skin violated twice as much. Apparently breaking down into tears after the fact is completely irrelevant, and no harm no foul!
Context [link].
This is blatant touch-normativity and asenphobia.
I am so sorry that they decided to cross your boundaries even further when you set them up. It's frankly horrific that people repulsed, averse, or disinterested in specific things get so much shit by allonormative people who think everyone should be like them.
I am a touch-ambivalent person. I am selective about who can touch me and when. But some people truly do feel entitled to put their hands all over me because they want to "make me like it" by showing me it's "not so bad."
It's creepy as hell to try and force someone to ignore their boundaries for the sake of "normalcy."
It is assault. Touching someone when they explicitly put down boundaries not to is assault.
