#tolkiencrackweek

Once again I deliver what nobody asked for. Well, @mimimarilynart is kinda to blame (as always). 

Mairon, you ignorant sl** .bonk!

@tolkiencrackweek

1. Ungoliant tried to kill Morgoth. Morgoth is evil and bent on enslaving all the world, so anyone who tries to stop him is a hero.

2. Ungoliant tried to eat the Silmarils. A whole lot of bloodshed happened because of the Silmarils (the Sack of Menegroth, the Second and Third Kinslayings), which would have been averted if the Silmarils were destroyed. Feanor would be upset, but that’s basically unavoidable.

3. Ungoliant killed the Two Trees, which were fairly obviously poisonous. Even if we ignore their obvious radioactivity that leaves Valinor unsuitable for human habitation millennia later, there’s the effect on elves. Elves who have seen the Two Trees are instantly addicted, and will fade from existence completely if they go too long without Treelight afterwards. The Noldor in Beleriand are taller and stronger than the Sindar not because they’re in better health, but because the Two Trees cause the pituitary gland to malfunction resulting in gigantism, along with emotional instability, easy irritability and hostility (all easily observed in the text), and probable lethargy, muscle weakness, and double vision. If the Two Trees do this through tumors on the pituitary gland, they would also cause severe loss of peripheral vision (explaining how many people sneak past/up on the Noldor), excessive production of urine (causing the elf bathroom ask), and increased inter-cranial pressure (where too much fluid inside the skull starts to actually shift brain structures). Elves might appear healthy for a couple centuries under Treelight, but long term damage is being done and they can’t truly thrive.

Both me and Mel wants to squish him like a little bean with hugs *looks at eye* but we will not  👁️ (´･ε･｀)

(right now anyways)

dragons have the best tea parties because they make sure the tea never gets cold! 

(inspiration under cut)

@tolkiencrackweek day 6

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“You should get a sword,” Éowyn says through a mouthful of popcorn. “People pay more attention to you when you’ve got a sword.”

“I’ve had swords,” Nienor replies glumly, “and all it makes people do is try to take them away.”

“Well, that’s attention,” says Éowyn, putting her feet up on the coffee-table. “You’ve got a sword, and they won’t leave until they have it instead, so as long as you can keep it from them you’ve got a captive audience. Air your grievances. Find some nice high ground where everyone can see you and give a speech. It’ll do you good.”

“Last time I found some nice high ground and gave a speech I got my memories stolen by a dragon.”