Lord Milker happens upon an unsuspecting Crablor :)

@tolkiencrackweek

Mairon, you ignorant sl** .bonk!

@tolkiencrackweek

Are you a fan of ridiculous headcanons? Have you lain awake at night wondering how dwarves know so much about the nervous system? Do you ship Crablor/Milker? Well, friend, you’ve come to the right place.

Tolkien’s work can seem a bit serious sometimes, but the fandom does our best to bring some levity into Middle-Earth! Crack week is a place to celebrate all our weirdest, stupidest, silliest ideas about Tolkien’s world. It is open to fans of all parts of the legendarium, from the Rankin-Bass Hobbit to Laws and Customs of the Eldar.

The event will run August 10-16. It’s short notice, so don’t sweat it! Do as much or as little as you want, and I’ll keep reblogging things as long as you keep sending ‘em--be it art, fic, meta, headcanons, or whatever else strikes your fancy. I’ll work on some loose prompts, but really, this is for you to share your stuff. All forms and variations of silliness are welcome!

The event is modded by @maglor-still-lives, so please contact me if you have questions/comments/concerns/suggestions!

1. Ungoliant tried to kill Morgoth. Morgoth is evil and bent on enslaving all the world, so anyone who tries to stop him is a hero.

2. Ungoliant tried to eat the Silmarils. A whole lot of bloodshed happened because of the Silmarils (the Sack of Menegroth, the Second and Third Kinslayings), which would have been averted if the Silmarils were destroyed. Feanor would be upset, but that’s basically unavoidable.

3. Ungoliant killed the Two Trees, which were fairly obviously poisonous. Even if we ignore their obvious radioactivity that leaves Valinor unsuitable for human habitation millennia later, there’s the effect on elves. Elves who have seen the Two Trees are instantly addicted, and will fade from existence completely if they go too long without Treelight afterwards. The Noldor in Beleriand are taller and stronger than the Sindar not because they’re in better health, but because the Two Trees cause the pituitary gland to malfunction resulting in gigantism, along with emotional instability, easy irritability and hostility (all easily observed in the text), and probable lethargy, muscle weakness, and double vision. If the Two Trees do this through tumors on the pituitary gland, they would also cause severe loss of peripheral vision (explaining how many people sneak past/up on the Noldor), excessive production of urine (causing the elf bathroom ask), and increased inter-cranial pressure (where too much fluid inside the skull starts to actually shift brain structures). Elves might appear healthy for a couple centuries under Treelight, but long term damage is being done and they can’t truly thrive.

@tolkiencrackweek

@tolkiencrackweek Day 6!

"Hear me out," Celegorm said. Maedhros closed his eyes and sighed. They had been trying to see if they could find any weaknesses of Morgoth's to exploit from Maedhros' limited knowledge of Angband. Most of the ideas were crazy or downright insane. And those were the ideas coming from his more intelligent brothers.

"Morgoth doesn't like giant spiders because of the whole Ungoliant thing. So if we use the spiders in place of war horses..." his voice trailed off as he grinned at his brothers.

"And how do you plan to use the spiders?" Maedhros asked tiredly.

Celegorm hesitated. "I haven't figured that out yet, but I'm sure it won't be hard," he said confidently.

"Fine, if you can even figure out how to keep a spider from killing you long enough to even try to do, whatever your plan is," Maedhros said. He was confident that Celegorm would forget about this by the time the week was done.

Maedhros: Atar, why did you set the ships on fire?

Feänor: .......

Maedhros: .......

Feänor: My name is Feänaro, why not?!