#strssmnstr

decided to add other smps besides the life series to my sex cafe au <3

more notably origins, empires n witchcraft !! (why those specific smps ? idk <3)

neways, i feel like osmp ranboo would act like theyre "above" going to these type of places even in actuality this is one of his favorite places to go to, they love the food but love the workers even more, he tends to request gem n stress the most, he likes seeing them cry from pleasure the most <3

osmp sparklez would be SO flustered n shy while being there, only going there if hes w wilbur or niki, he would tip the waiter(esses) so much, like 50% more, he usually doesnt request anyone, being too flustered to do so, but cub n impulse do like dropping by his table to tease him n maybe even ride or fuck him <3

osmp niki, given that she has a turtle shell helmet that allows her to breathe on land for longer, would LOVE it there, she often drags sparklez there to get railed, get used to earth culture <3, she enjoys requesting impulse, gem n stress, she enjoys how they beg for her n how they whine when they feel her tentacle cock press into them n when it starts to squirm n move around in them <3

both witchcraft joey n empires joey both love going here, tho for different reasons, wc joey cause hes a bit of a voyeur n likes to watch the workers get fucked (he makes sure to tip the workers handsomely afterwards since he doesnt request anyone), while esmp joey, depending on whether or not ur taking about s1 joey or s2 joey, either loves teasing trafficsmp jimmy for his obvious crush on cub or loves teasing n flirting w empires s2 jimmy, eventually riling him up enough for jim to fuck joey

empires scott loves going here to tease n flirt w just about any jim he meets tbh, cause he knows that this is practically a jimmy hotspot n contains a good amount of jims, he, like witchcraft, is more of a voyeur than anything, so if hes not flirting w a jim, than hes prolly watching others getting it on, tho he doesnt mind topping one of the pretty boy servers that occasionally drop by his table to flirt w scott, also loves requesting impulse, love seeing how pink n teary eyed impy gets when edged for the entire length of scott's stay

whoa, that's a lotta new folks XD this cafe is getting cramped lmao

sex cafe au sex cafe au sex cafe au

i feel like the life smp members are regulars there, ull pretty much will always see at least 2 or 3 members there on any given day

some life smp members will often request specific waiters/waitresses, while others arent all that picky about which waiter/waitress they get

skizz, bigb, etho n martyn (also dubbed 'the red army' due to the multiple instances of them accidentally color coordinating red outfits) LOVE requesting ren n impulse, they love the way impulse whines in between thanking them n how ren starts babbling when overstimulated

lizzie n cleo also really love requesting ren for similar reasons, but w the added reasoning of them thinking that ren lets them try knotted dildos on him, something impulse isnt as interested in (tho impy is open to knotting other ppl)

lizzie n cleo also enjoy requesting stress n gem, adoring the way their boobs bounce n how pretty their moans are as they get fucked, sometimes they might even invite bigb to join them, seeing as bigb is occasionally their submissive

tango likes to order out impulse everytime hes there n impulse is on shift, tango likes the way impulse whines when being teased, edged or overstimulated

grian doesnt mind which server he gets, since hes teasing all the same, stroking/fingering them until theyre on the brink of cumming, before stopping so he can see them whine n buck into him

cub n false are often requested by mumbo, usually not at the same time, tho there have been times where mumbo was horny enough to request both, mumbo's often (lightheartedly) teased by cub n false for being so shy n 'formal' during his requests

false is also requested by etho n martyn, both due to them appreciating some muscles on a women tho other life smp members appreciate that as well, they also appreciate a woman who carries around a strap on n dildo in her work apron's pocket

scar is usually requested by bdubs n etho n the biases of him being cute n having pretty moans

cub has been requested by pearl n jimmy more times than he could count, they often request him due to jimmy's major minor crush on cub, but also cause pearl loves the look of cub w bite marks n hickies on him

keralis is definitely the first person i thought of. he is gentle and squishy and would give kisses everywhere he can reach as you fall asleep. he would be very sweet and praise you quietly, or even sing softly. also i wanna play with his hair

etho seems like an unconventional choice but hear me out. first of all, etho is etho. he's also definitely cold to the touch which is great bc i'm always hot. he's very calm and his voice is soothing, and he probably smells good

bdubs is the sleep man himself. i would totally fall asleep listening to him talk about block palettes. he's able to keep talking forever without any input, which is good bc i need something to focus on other than my own thoughts when i sleep. he would also find a way to stay cuddled despite how much i move around in my sleep, consciously or not

impulse is big and soft and i could use his chest as a pillow. also very empathetic and just wants to help, so he would be very receptive to your preferences

joe hills tells great bedtime stories. this is not a headcanon, this is confirmed. he is also kind enough to listen to me but will speak up for his own preferences (this is important bc i will feel guilty if i take up too much physical/emotional space)

doc should be immediately disqualified due to pointy bits but for some reason rn my brain is telling me that's an interesting sensory experience

xb is soft and calm and quiet, and not as intimidating as etho. unfortunately i'm extremely introverted and he is too, so we might hit some awkwardness

stressmonster is definitely cuddly, she's very nice and also probably smells good. she would also be very kind but for some highly irrational reason i'm scared of her

i'm sorry for forcing this research paper upon you. feel free to ignore it lol

Oh I love this <33 I want to cuddle with all these beauties :3

bored so heres the top 10 hermits who asked to get pegged with no shame, top 10 hermits who would be too shy/nervous to ask n top 5 hermits who are getting asked

lets start with the shortest list:

stress

false

gem

cleo

pearl

theyre all doms/dom leaning switches <3 good for them n good for whoever decides to ask

top 10 hermits who shamelessly ask:

keralis

grian

zed

doc

bdubs

ren

tango

jevin

cub

hypno

they get pegged regularly thanks to their lack of shame <3

top 10 hermits who're too shy

wels

impulse

etho

iskall

joe

beef

xisuma

scar

xb

mumbo

u have to ask them if they wanna get pegged in order to get them to admit that they wanna get pegged <3

so basically: i think a few other hermits also work there as well, stress, cub, false, scar, ren n gem as waiters n they’re have just as many bite marks n hickies as impulse if not more

i also think that there’s a way to pay to see employees, like u know how u can pay to see a certain sex worker ? customers can pay to see certain employees ! some employees get paid more than others but that’s fine, they don’t mind

some of the more ‘popular’ employees among customers are (in order) gem, impulse, scar, cub, stress, ren n false

-🐶

I really love this au <3

I feel like in order to make more profits, the owner of the cafe instructs all the employees to wear layers of clothes that the patrons have to pay to undress their favs :3c

Gem is always nude first (aside from the apron), removing the uniform apron is extremely expensive, but it's been paid for a few times as she is very small and the apron covers way too much