A relatable post from the Solo Polyamory Facebook Group. Even though I am nested with my [highly compatible] husband who I’ve known since we were teenagers, I have had an entirely different experience with my other partner who I know I could never ever live with and wouldn’t want to...all for the reasons listed below.
I notice that, since I prefer not to live with, marry, or blend finances with any intimate partner, it's much easier for me to accept the people I love for who they are. This makes my relationships more honest and supportive, and less fraught.
Previously when I was married/nesting, I found it really difficult to deal with big differences in style and choices. I'd sometimes get nervous/controlling/angry when my former spouse would want to make a big choice that was different than what I'd make: quitting a job, buying a car, etc.
So for me, being solo as well as poly is, among other things, a strategy for bringing my best self to my intimate relationships. It helps me be less fearful, judgmental, controlling and resentful in these relationships.
Solo polyamory also helps me handle changes and endings in intimate relationships better. I'm absolutely certain that I can be ok in the face of these things. Whether a relationship ends on good terms or not: it may hurt emotionally, but it won't really disrupt my housing, finances, identity, social network or future plans. That grounding makes it much easier for me to make better decisions about my intimate relationships. I'm less likely to hang in there with stuff that's bad for me, and I have a more options to adapt my relationships, or end them peacefully.
Can anyone else here relate to that?
