#sober af

The HIPPIE HEAVEN Shop: https://www.teepublic.com/user/hippie-heaven

My miracle year photo shoot

One of my biggest reasons for giving up alcohol was fitness. I did not want anymore hangovers at the gym or runs shortened by 'upset stomachs.' Since giving up drinking I'd be going to the gym most nights. It was becoming a second home, a place I could hang out that kept me focused and away from booze.

But two weeks ago I started to get wrist pain that randomly becomes so severe I can't hold a phone, a coffee, or even a fork, with my right hand. So I've been resting it. No gym, just running.

Two weeks of no gym does a fucking number to your self-esteem and body image. I'm convinced I've gained weight, and convinced that that's the worst thing ever. I worry that I'm losing muscle and strength and that without those things I'm some how a shitty person.

I'm seeing every interaction with other people through this lens. I'm spending too much time on social media and comparing happy, or at least well curated, lives that I worry I'll never have. I'm looking for constant validation and unable to find it internally.

And when I feel like a lazy, out of shape, insecure asshole, all I want to do is cheer up with a drink. A rum and coke would relax me, clear my head of these negative thoughts, numb the pain of walking past a mirror.