#so-blind

Kendrick lamar

Billie Eilish

Min Yoongi

Joan Jett

Rihanna

Megan Fox

Playboi Carti

I grew up without a social awareness. Meaning, while everyone did this thing called, “peer pressure”, “fitting in” or “being yourself” at that age those terms were thrown around. I had no concept of them, because I didn’t understand why people seem to need each other so much. I observed, but I didn’t understand. I don’t know maybe I was too busy occupied by the abuse my father endured growing up. Maybe there was too much conflict, I had no time to think about “making friends.” Maybe I was too busy thinking of an escape from reality. Somehow I wondered why no one taught me these things, the “value of friendship”. One time a guy named Welsey – idk, he looked like a Welsey (I could picture his face, Caucasian, not fat or skinny with a stubby nose, with thick brown broccoli hair maybe Ross’ cousin or something) – had the nerve to sit next to me with a stern face of concern, at the time I cringed at the intrusion – had the audacity to lecture me on the fact that “people need people” – I guess he felt something anti-social energy from me during my community college years (didn’t care for being friendly), that there was more to life than just simply making money and making a living. It wasn’t until after graduating college the loneliness finally hit me and it hit hard. I suddenly realized I was alone, like the despair of being really alone when you didn’t realize it before. It struck me like lightning. I used to pride myself in that I wasn’t needy. Needing others, needing to fit into a community seemed like a weakness. That I was okay alone. Then I joined a community and have been changing – but I think the change is due to being human – in spite of our instinctual variant – humans need humans. But that’s a different story.

I try to make sense of these contradicting traits with fe making me highly astute to people – people’s behaviors, people’s responses to other people’s behaviors – who is comfortable with her, who avoids him, and the memory logs and fabrications of how people are currently, how people might react to certain actions, how people normally are, the archive’s of who does their eye wanderings, where they usually look and the fluctuations in their tone of voice – what do they mean – are they irritated – are they tired – tired at what – why? What motivates them? What traumatizes her from the past? What is he insecure about? Overloads me. Sometimes I wish I could shut it off, but I do it in my sleep with no conscious effort, it’s automatic. Yet, I am so-blind because it explains so much. I used to think I was sp/so. Sp there’s no doubt about it – I can be so sp to the point where it’s not even funny. Sx explains the wild animal inside me i’ve kept chained up for so long it’s maddening, but freeing to know it’s there and that i’m not crazy. I realize now, sx pulls me, revitalizes me, makes me realize there is something worth being alive for. It makes me want to devour and crave my loved ones, but at the same time be a prisoner. Yes, it’s animalistic and it scares the hell out of sx-blinds, which is why it’s reined in for the most part. Lightening in a bottle.

It’s strange because at times, yes I do want to fit in. I want to belong. I am in a community. Yet at the same time, I am constantly fighting this tug or war within me. I know what I need to do to fit in because of my fe function and all the negative reinforcement and anxiety it’s produced — due to the fact that I naturally read between the lines when picking up behavior cues, but ultimately, always chose to fight and resist it. When I observe community, it’s pretty evident the influence of the social variant. I feel it, when the so world calls upon me to do something for them. This thing called “reputation building” which is still new and odd to me. But the realization of it’s existence meaning the fact that people deliberately do things to maintain their reputations was so off-putting at first, but I can only try to understand little by little. I’ll be honest it makes my skin cringe the thought of molding myself to craft some sort of image in order to exist in the minds of others, which is the only way I can so far perceive the notion – it doesn’t make sense to me – it’s a blindspot. It’s a leash. I loathe a leash made of rubble, but I love the one made of silk or diamonds and black leather. Same way so-blinds would probably find my desire to “devour” my loved one as deranged. A part of me wants to tear down those limitations and walk away. But I don’t. And honestly sometimes I don’t know why. Oh wait, it’s sx. I’m searching for a prey, or to be the prey.

Chances are, if your an highly sensitive introvert with a high IQ like me, you’ve always felt out of place. Your family thinks there’s something wrong with you, the airhead extroverts at school only care about partying and doing drugs, and you feel like you can’t be yourself because no one understands you.

Well, I’m here to tell you that I FEEL YOUR PAIN!!! Here’s a list of problems I’ve experienced as someone with a high IQ in a sea of shallow extroverts, hopefully it will make your feel less alone and realize you don’t have to change yourself to fit in. 

1. Everyone in your class is complaining about staying inside during quarantine, but your happy because that means less social interaction. (Your life wasn’t that different before ‘Rona hit anyways)

2. Your friends try to get you to go out, but every time you go with them they want to do some crazy extrovert jazz and you feel left out and regret your whole life (Netflix would never hurt me like this.)

3. You prefer books and fandoms over people most of the time. 

4. Even so, there’s still a sensitive part of you that dreams about finding a fellow antisocial outcast to spend your life with so you didn’t have to be misunderstood.. Er, but no hugging pls.

5. Your extremely funny, but everyone is too stupid to understand your jokes. It’s ok though, you laugh at them yourself and that’s enough!

6. Finally, last but not least... You know your perfect the way you are.  

 Share if you relate, my fellow oddballs and outcasts.

INFJ (sp/sx): Why..??

INTP: I don't know :0 Just to see.

INFJ: When I get a job, I'm going to hide my profile so none of them can find me.

INTP: Wha?? But what if you really like one of them?

First:

there is a misconception that sx-blinds are bland and lack intensity. all variants have intensity; all variants can get excited. how they get excited, what they get excited about, etc., is engaged with different forms of energy. these are instincts, after all. they drive us to survive.

sx-blinds can have close friendships and intimate relationships.

not all sx-blinds are blind to body chemistry, but some are negligent. 

so-blinds get social anxiety. so-blinds like to be included.

so-blind

the tailbone of the body—attached, but vestigial

a connected but non-contributing cog in a machine

disposition towards a lack of social etiquette (ex., burping in public, feet on the table, walking on lawn)

a cat that comes and goes

doesn’t participate in social games (sx/sp might, but not for long)

detached from others’ opinions; values intimates’ opinions

don’t keep up with cultural trends

need medical attention? drags themselves to the hospital

freedom

sx-blind

when in rome, do as the romans do

the bones and muscles, working together, belonging together

all pieces of the machine have a place

ant colony

odd fascination with sx-fixes

easily influenced by peers, family, community, strangers—basically, almost anyone

bonds with others (honest or superficial) to create networks

if this person i marginally know doesn’t like me, W H Y?

don’t divulge Deep Things to strangers, least likely to start random conversations with “deviants” (ex. homeless people)

most of the points are really so-blind vs. not so-blind. it’s better to think “am i so-blind, or am i not so-blind?” rather than, “am i so-blind or sx-blind?” that, and it’s easier to distinguish sx-blindness from sp-blindness.

your blind spot should be apparent, because you pay the least attention to it. your fixes should be apparent, because they are natural and charted territory.