#shapeshiftinterest

Any con artist worth their salt will tell you the number one rule is to always conduct yourself as if you’re being watched. It’s always meant as a formality, an adage passed around to remind oneself that even the smallest slip up could land you broke and in the nearest jail cell. Or, in rarer cases, crawling through a sewer after being pummeled by a five year old. Tonight, to Rufus’ annoyance, that thieving proverb was going to be taken far, far too literally than he would have liked.

Looking high up above the arching gate that leads into Pure Heart Valley’s kingdom, he saw the crown jewel he knew he’d never be able to have. Not even if he planned the largest heist of his career over the course of eight-and-eighty years did he think he’d have the slightest sliver of a chance in stealing it. It didn’t matter anyway, though. The Ruby Pure Heart wasn’t the focus of tonight’s current plan.

Thank god, too.

Staring back at him, from its place perched up on the mountaintop, was the visage of a ghastly jack-o-lantern; a hellish fire burning through its eyes and an upturned grin carved entirely out of malice. It was a ghoulish, frightening image projected across the entire surface of the heart shaped ruby, an homage meant to accentuate the ongoing Halloween festivities. And no matter where Rufus stood, whether there at the gate’s entrance or from the miles and miles back that he and Reggie had travelled through to arrive here, it was as if those fire haunted eyes were following him closely all the same.

Most likely the work of that peacocking king and his damned chameleon sorceress.

Nevertheless, he had a twofold scheme to accomplish that night and thus had no intention of letting any harvest season horrors deter him from it. He held out a hand in front of Reggie to stop him and then pointed it further to his left, indicating for the raccoon to follow him into a more discrete section of the woods that rung the outside of the kingdom’s walls. Settling into the shadowed underbrush, the fox pulled out from behind him a large burlap sack.

“So, what’s the plan again Rufus?” the raccoon asked, threading his fingers together as he watched the conniving fox dive arms deep into the sack. From out of it, Rufus retrieved a matching bag and handed it to his companion.

“This Hallow’s Eve, my furry friend, we’ll be engaging in a rousing rendition of trick-or-treat,” Rufus grinned. “Tricks for them. Treats for us. Tricks especially for that blasted sheriff and his snivelling cohorts.”

“But, won’t they recognize us? They didn’t seem to like us too much last time.”

“Reggie, you mean the world to me but this is why I come up with the plans. Remember when I told you to start practicing different voices? To see if you could mimic a certain one? Well, look around you.”

The raccoon began swiveling his head in every direction he could, puzzled at what he was meant to find other than dirt and trees. The fox merely rolled his eyes.

“I didn’t mean literally, Reg. It’s Halloween, the day when adults and youth alike hide themselves behind all sorts of masks and costumes to procure as much candy as they can,” he said, reaching once more inside his bag to fetch a pair of what seemed to be deflated skins; one as black as midnight while the other shone moonlit white overlayed here and there with patterns of brown. “And I believe maybe it’s time we start cashing in on the fun as well.”

The second con-artist rule, one that works well in many professions, is to always learn from your adversaries. Rufus could admit that when it came to Pure Heart Valley he had grown too complacent. The arrival of two new sheriffs were variables he hadn’t anticipated. Their use of pressed nylon suits to pretend to be other people was a tactic Rufus had anticipated even less.

He still woke up in a rush every now and then from the memory. The cat’s mocking smile appearing out of that tiny blue body, the nightmarish drill that had ripped through his partner’s head before Rufus had any idea what was happening. Reg, meanwhile, thought the entire ordeal had been hilarious in hindsight. Easy for him to say when he wasn’t the one who watched…

Regardless, it was a plan that (unfortunately) had worked near flawlessly, and it was a plan that Rufus now conspired to use himself. It was easy enough once he knew what to do. Finding the suit maker had been the first step, all it took was finding any talented tailor that practiced just even the smallest amount of magic, an occurrence that was fairly common in this day and age. The more difficult task came in collecting samples of who they needed the suits to resemble.

Pure Heart Valley was known for being a monster magnet. It was why the valley had needed a protective shield in the first place. Whether it was just a badly located area or the work of the Ruby Pure Heart attracting the creatures itself, the kingdom faced its fair share of attacks on a regular basis. It was during one of these episodes that Rufus saw an opportunity.

While he had Reg sneak into the city itself to steal what he needed from a handful of citizens distracted by the monster fight, Rufus, in turn, went to forage for hairs throughout the then empty sheriff’s department. To his excitement, it wasn’t the only valuable item he came across in his search.

“We’re going to have our fill of candy and our fill of revenge, getting those do-gooders the same way they got us,” the fox said, handing the badger suit over to Reg. “We’ll put these outfits on and mess around Pure Heart tonight as the sheriffs, using their authority to snag all the sweets and running their names through the mud in the process.”

Reggie looked at tentatively at the white nylon in his paws. “How do these even work? I’m like way too small for this to fit me.”

“Reg, both you and that badger somehow fit inside your tiny body, remember? They obviously work through magic. This isn’t some sort of cartoon show,” Rufus said. “Now help me fit inside of this.”

It was a while later, after a good half hour of struggling and stretching and preening, that the two bandits stood there wholly transformed into new people. With their appearance now in order, the pair set about preparing a decoy treat bag, filling it with a sizeable amount of pine straw and leaves found strewn about the forest floor. Once that was finished, Rufus slung the decoy over his shoulder while Reggie kept the empty one close to him.

Rufus, nodding, then led the two of them past the thinning line of trees and out into the open space just before the kingdom’s gated entrance. The fox, turning his head down to look at the raccoon before remembering that that night he would be needing to look up instead, threw his arms out wide in a grand gesture, “And now, let the show begin.”

Spinning back around, the disguised fox threw his weight against the wooden doors and pushed them open, revealing the warm glow of quaint rows of shops newly masqueraded in all sorts of Halloween decorations. The main fountain, the centerpiece of the starting plaza, ran blood red that night thanks to artificial coloring. Sweetypies of all shapes and sizes milled about the area, the ebb and flow of their mild-mannered chit-chat flowing around the two visitors in a steady hum.

The third rule to remember is that anyone who falls for a ruse once could always be made to do so again, and luckily for Rufus, this was a kingdom full of rubes he once had tied around his fingers not just once, or twice, but for three consecutive years. Or at least, it would have been three had two certain sheriffs and their shrieking bat brat not interfered with schemes they had no business meddling in.

Now, however, he had the chance to reclaim it all once more, even if just for a few fleeting hours. And for a night of sweets, what better place to start than in the baking district?

Muttons… Mittens? ...the yellow bakery mouse, whatever her name was, had been a personal favorite of Rufus’ during their Takes-giving day outings. Her offerings were never known for being on the expensive end, always usually an assortment of foods she had baked that morning, but Rufus never really cared when their taste more than made up for a lack of dollar amounts. And tonight, he planned to go straight to the source.

It was only two firm knocks before she answered her door, standing there dressed as a sunflower, a wooden spoon in one hand and a mixing bowl in the other as she stirred its contents.

“Oh, Sheriff Mao Mao, Badgerclops, I’m surprised to see you two not in costume. Where is your little deputy, Adorabat?” she asked.

“That little nuisance is probably eating out of a garbage can somewhere,” Rufus responded, trying to imitate a gruffer tone of voice. From the quizzing look the mouse suddenly gave him, he figured his voice, his response, or both was throwing her off. Unfortunately, being the sole plan maker, he hadn’t had the time to practice with his voice like he had intended. At least the nylon suits seemed to be properly working.

“Are you all right, Sheriff? You aren’t really sounding like yourself,” Muffins said, her stirring hand paused. Rufus simply stood there, mouth hung open and eyes wide as he wondered if attempting another response would only make things more suspicious. Thankfully, however, a large white badger stepped out in front of him.

“No need to worry, Muffins. This idiot’s been sick all morning. Probably from all of the doorknobs around town he’s been licking,” Reggie responded. Rufus looked up dumbfounded at the back of his partner’s head, astounded both at Reggie’s unusual quick thinking and how well his voice matched that of the badger’s. He had even managed to remember her name.

Thank goodness at least one of them was able to pull this off.

Rufus leaned around the side of the large body in front of him and offered the bakery mouse a weak smile. Her expression seemed to soften at that, her hand going back to stirring.

“Well, I’m sorry to hear that sheriff, I think. What brings the two of you to my shop tonight? Here to try my new spider cookies? Some pumpkin cobbler?” Muffins asked.

“Oh, we’re here to steal-,”

Rufus stepped in front of Reggie and made a sudden show of coughing, both to play up being sick and to cut off his partner from talking. “Seize, we’re here to seize a certain portion of your baked assets, my dear, for inspection. We’ve heard rumors of residents getting sick from some of the treats that have been passed around tonight and we’ve been making the rounds to see who’s responsible.”

“‘My dear’?” Muffins quoted him with a frown. “Well, I can assure you, sheriff, everything I’ve made today, tomorrow, forever, is done with the utmost care. Not a single person has ever been dissatisfied with anything coming out of my shop.”

Rufus leaned in, bringing his face closer to hers, “Then you should have nothing to worry about, hm?” He then stepped past her, ignoring her cries for him to stay outside. Reggie, following closely behind, locked the door behind him as Muffins tried to step through.

She hammered her fists against the door to no avail. Meanwhile, the two con men went to task raiding through her pantry and collecting as many baked goods as they wanted while still leaving plenty of room in Reggie’s sack for more of that night’s offerings. Upon opening the door, they found the little mouse seething on the other side of it.

“Sorry for the wait, my dear, we’ll have these tested out and get the results back to you as soon as we can,” Rufus said. The words had barely passed his lips before a sudden movement caught his eye. The fox ducked just in time to avoid the bowl Bakery Mouse had thrown at him.

“You will be sorry!” Muffins yelled at them. “Just wait till I call… till I call-”

“Who? Us?” the disguised fox asked as a laugh escaped him. “Sorry, citizen, the sheriff’s department has received your complaint and we’re afraid there’s nothing that can be done. Now, do try and keep yourself from causing a scene, won’t you? You’ll frighten the children,” Rufus said, stepping around the angry mouse and out onto the street again.

“Disorderly conduct is an arrestable offense, and we’ve got plenty of cell space!” Reggie yelled back towards her as he ran to catch up with Rufus, his voice still a perfect imitation.

The next couple of hours followed that near exact pattern. The two tricksters would come across a group of trick or treaters or residents passing out candy and whisk away their sugary confections under threat of legal action, sowing discord amongst the townsfolk when they could. Pretty soon, Reggie found his bag near full with only just enough room for potentially one more victim.

“This should do wonderfully for now, Reg,” Rufus said, lifting the bag as high as he could to test its weight. “That sheriff and his partner look like a fool now to half the town and we’ve got enough sweets here to topple a dentistry empire,” he grinned. He expected to hear a gleeful response from his partner, but when none came, he looked up to find Reggie staring dead faced out past the fox. “Reg?” Rufus asked.

“I can’t believe Muffins just gave you a free cobbler like that!” he heard a voice scream from somewhere yards behind him. He recognized that shrill voice, could picture the small blue bat it belonged to, and its sudden presence caused the fox to freeze right where he stood.

“More like she threw it at him, Adorabat,” he heard another voice chime, this one belonging to the real badger and not the fake one Rufus stood next to.

A growl cut through the air, “She’s just lucky I clean myself as much as I do! This could stain my fur if I let it sit long enough!” the growl said, morphing into a voice.

And there he was, the person Rufus had been hoping to avoid that night more than anyone.

“Oh yeah, I’m sure you’re just gonna hate licking cobbler off yourself for the rest of the night,” he heard the badger reply to the cat, their voices sounding even closer. They were definitely headed towards them. “What’s up with tonight anyway? Everyone’s been acting real weird around us, like we attacked them or something.”

Suddenly, Rufus heard Little Blue gasp, “Look, it’s us!” And then, out of nowhere, the little bat was there hovering just in front of his face. Instead of her normal wings, however, she wore costumed sleeves that resembled those of a fairy instead. Around the top of her head rung a thin silver loop of metal. A thin line of that same metal stretched out and away from the loop, and attached to its end was a white cardboard speech bubble pointed at the bat with the words ‘Hey, listen!’ printed across it. “Aw, well, it’s you two at least,” she said.

“Adorabat! You can’t just fly up to strangers like tha-... oh, wow, it actually is us dude,” the badger said, their voices now merely feet away. Rufus, finally mustering up the courage, turned around to meet them.

The badger, for his costume, was sporting a forest green tunic with a matching pointed green cloth hat, a plastic sword held haphazardly in his left paw. The cat, meanwhile, ignoring the splotches of cobbler, wore a short red wig with a shiny jewel affixed upon the middle of his forehead. The rest of his attire seemed like it was meant to be worn by one who would be found out wandering the desert. On top of his left paw was seen the imprint of a glowing yellow triangle.

The feline paused for a second at seeing his own self standing across from him, and then an open mouthed grin burst forth that lit up the entirety of his smug face.

“Ha! I knew the king couldn’t be right! See? There are people here that like me. Even enough to dress up like me,” the cat said, his chest puffed out to be as big as his ego. Then, his stance faltered, his expression shifting into one of hesitation, “Enough to dress up... too much like me, actually.”

“I don’t know man, I think it’s kinda neat,” the badger chuckled. Reggie, for his part, began playfully mirroring his twin’s movements as best he could, even going so far as to throw out a similar laugh.

“Ahhh, wait, never mind. It’s officially creepy now,” the real badger said, his good eye gone wide at hearing his own voice thrown back at him. Internally, it was all Rufus could do to keep himself from taking a swipe at his partner in frustration.

“All right, just who exactly are you-,” the cat began when a new timbre voice, appearing from out of nowhere, suddenly cut him off.

“Oh, sheriffs!”

‘For the love of god, no. Please, anyone but him,’ Rufus inwardly swore.

From out of a nearby side street emerged the carefully curated image of a regal street urchin. Careful rips and artistically placed smudges marked his dirty clothes, giving off the appearance of someone who spent most of their time living out on the streets rather than inside a home. The effort was wasted, however, as, under that ridiculous get up, it was still obviously Pure Heart Valley’s king. His perfectly coiffed mane and authoritative voice was a dead give away, not to mention that only feet away from him was his avian servant; a creature that followed the king more closely than his own proper shadow could.

“Your Grace,” the cat said, his attention now diverted to the newcomer, “what are you wearing?”

“Are you supposed to be some sort of smelly clown?” the bat confusedly asked.

“Oh, goodness no! I’m around the three of you enough for that as it is,” the lion frowned. “As you are all well aware, tonight is another year of Pure Heart Valley’s wonderful Hallow’s Eve festivities. As such, I am observing the time honored tradition of costuming myself as someone I am never able to be. To put myself into another’s slippers as one might say,” he chuckled. “Quite. And so for this year’s engagement, I have decided to become… you,” he finished with a bow.

“Me?” the bat asked incredulously.

The primly lion rolled his eyes and sighed, “No, child, not you, specifically. You, as in, all of you,” he said, waving his arms out in a sweeping gesture. “I have decided to let you all enjoy mine presence this night as someone that I know I mean the world to, as someone that whom without I would be nothing. Yes, I have dressed and paraded myself around tonight as the prototypical image of one of my many loyal subjects. To see what you all see, to live as you all do. I even walked myself down from the palace without being carried, see?”

The group turned their gaze over to the lion’s expressionless servant, and while it was true that on this night he was without the king’s usual recliner, he was instead found to be towing a bag that had to be at least ten times bigger in size than the bird himself. And from its opening, if one looked hard enough, could be seen what appeared to be more candy than any one person should ever have the right to own. Unless, of course, that one person just happened to be a certain wily fox.

Rufus could already feel the drool pooling in his mouth at the sight of it.

“Do you really think we all dress like tha-”

“Ah bup bup!” the king said, waving a hand in front of the badger’s face to silence him. “I did not come here to find you three and squander my time with useless jibber jabber. It has come to my attention that you all have been skulking around town and hoarding up all the candy you could find for some sort of poisonous investigation. Naturally, I have come to preemptively bring you mine own as my safety is of the utmost importance. I expect you to deliver my candy back to me first when you have finished, of course.”

“Investigation? We haven’t been conducting any investigation,” the cat said. “This is,” he wrinkled his nose, “our night off.”

“Yeah!” the blue bat said, flitting around before landing on one of the badger’s shoulders. “And we haven’t gotten no candy neither,” she said.

“Everytime we try, the Sweetypies just start yelling at us,” the badger chimed in.

“Well, then how do you explain that?” the king asked, pointing an accusing finger at Rufus and Reggie who had been both hoping to silently slip away at any moment.

The cat then struck up a steady, measured pace towards Rufus. The look on his face turned the fox’s blood to ice as it coursed through him. His heartbeat seemed to stop, and for a moment he wasn’t sure if it was ever going to start again. The cat grabbed a handful of the silken cape the fox wore and brought his face inches from his own.

“Ok, whoever you two are. I want answers, now! What kind of mischief have you been causing in my jurisdiction tonight?” the sheriff asked, his tone carrying an obvious threat underneath.

Rufus had hoped it wouldn’t have to come to this, but thankfully he had prepared for this situation just in case. Swiftly, he reached as far as he could into the bottom of his bag until his fingers wrapped around one of the small metal balls he had lifted from the sheriff’s headquarters.

“Reggie, now!” the fox cried. He pulled the item out from his sack and threw it as hard as he could directly at the ground in front of him. A sudden explosion sounded, and in seconds the courtyard they had all been congregating in was filled with a blinding smoke. The cat, in his confusion, loosened his grip on Rufus’ collar, allowing him to wriggle free of his captor’s grasp.

“Please tell me this isn’t going to mess up my mane!” the lion shouted.

“My smoke bombs! How?” the cat yelled out in between coughs.

“Dude, I told you we didn’t take them!”

“I can’t see! I can’t see!” the bat cried.

This was exactly the outcome Rufus had been hoping for...

Rule number four: always have an escape plan.

In the surrounding chaos of the situation, the two con artists swapped bags and broke off running in different directions. Rufus carrying the real bag instead of the decoy was only part one in his attempts to confuse his potential pursuers. The fox raced down as many dark alleyways as he could, and when he finally thought he had some time, he paused in the shadows of a run down looking avenue.

Quickly, he tore out of his sheriff costume and took a deep breath of fresh air for what felt like the first time that night. He reached inside the freshly discarded skin and pulled out another one (it looked like a crocodile from what he could tell.)

Now that he had been caught, it was time to become someone new again to truly confuse those do-gooders. He slipped his second disguise on as fast as he could and tentatively crept his way out onto a crowded well lit street, swirling amongst the kingdom’s residents like just another grain of sand along the beach.

Running like a criminal would only rouse new suspicions against him. He needed to blend in with everyone else.

Rufus strolled around the city streets as innocently as he could, taking his time as he meandered about on his way to a designated meeting point. He had elected to take the long way around in getting there, hopefully giving Reg, who also should have changed outfits, enough time to find it and be there waiting.

It was a half hour later when Rufus saw it in the distance, a small public garden nestled in a secluded area of the city, and as expected, he saw someone standing there to greet him. The small pink rhino, sitting among a plot of tulips, warily looked up towards him. For some reason, he was bedecked in what appeared to be surgeon’s scrubs.

“I don’t have time to ask you where you got that, Reg, but I will commend you on the decision. It’s a nice little touch,” Rufus said. “Though, I will say I’m surprised you decided to be that annoying pink gremlin.”

The fox gasped as the rhino pulled out a shimmering scalpel from god knows where and pointed it at him.

“That’s professor-doctor-surgeon gremlin to you, Gary,” the rhino snarled. “And what’s up with your voice?” he asked, frown quickly morphing into a malignant smile, “Oh, you’re probably here for one of my patented throat surgeries, ain’t ya? You know the drill, no questions or insurance needed.”

Rufus had to hand it to him, Reggie was keeping in line with his role like a class actor, but the night was being wasted and he no time to sit and dwell on it.

“Look, let’s just swap bags and be done. That sheriff is still probably scouring every nook and cranny for us and I just want this whole thing to be done and over with,” the fox said. He reached over and grabbed the rhino’s nearby sack, pausing as he tried to pull it. Was the decoy always this heavy?

After gaining some momentum, the fox managed to sling the bag over his shoulder and made his way casually out of the garden.

“Hey! You can’t just take that! I need that for my medical practice!” the pink rhino yelled in his direction.

“Yes, yes, we get it Reg. Now remember, eastern gates, twenty minutes,” the fox called back to him.

From here, Rufus wanted to stay hidden until he made it out of the city. Sneaking down another alley, he changed costumes for a third and final time, a frog creature whose arms seemed too short for clapping. He followed down a multitude of side paths and lanes just barely wide enough for him to walk down, all while keeping himself within viewing distance of the kingdom’s most outer wall. He knew that as long as he continued this way he’d eventually find the eastern exit and avoid any unwanted attention.

He breathed a sigh of relief some fifteen minutes later once he finally found them. He didn’t know whether it was by luck or by fate that the gates stood there unguarded, its keepers had more than likely been too seduced by the call of that night’s tempered horrors and left. Rufus raced through the doors and out into the smothering darkness of the woods beyond.

He had just passed the first few pine trees when he ran into someone blocking his path, toppling them both over to the ground in the process.

“Rufus, buddy!” a familiar voice greeted the fox. Looking over, he saw his raccoon partner sprawled out on the ground near him, already out of costume and back to his normal appearance. The fox jumped up quickly and tore out of his own disguise, happy to once again see the orange fur underneath.

“Reggie, old pal! We did it!” he cried, scooping the raccoon up and into an uncharacteristic hug. “I knew we could outwit that imbecile sheriff if given another chance,” he smiled as he set his beaming partner back down on his own two feet. “Now tell me, where’s the candy?”

“What do you mean? Don’t you have it?” Reggie asked. “I never saw you at The Garden and so I came straight here after changing. I’ve been waiting out here for like an hour.”

Rufus looked at the raccoon as if he had lost his mind. “But we did meet,” the fox said. “You were there on time and we swapped bags, you were that disgusting pink fellow. We talked and everything,” the fox hesitated, thinking. “You did go to the garden, right?”

“Yeah, The Garden, that little cafe we always visited every Takes-giving,” Reggie smiled.

Rufus’ stomach dropped out from under him.

“Reg, no, I meant an actual garden, we-,” the fox paused and looked at the sack he had brought. “But, if that wasn’t you, then that means…” Rufus thought back to the scalpel that had been waved in his face and shuddered. “So then, what is this?” he asked. He reached down and pulled open the bag only to be greeted by jar upon jar of pristine, premium grade mayo.

In that moment, Rufus felt as if his brain was going to short circuit from anger. He turned to Reggie’s decoy bag and kicked it, knocking it over and spilling out a mass of spruce leaves and pinecones. “What is wrong with the people here!” the fox shouted out directionless into the night air.

“Rufus, hold on,” the raccoon implored, sidling up next to the fox and tugging at the bottom of his shirt. The fox took a few deep breaths, letting his expression relax before addressing his friend. He never wanted the raccoon to believe that his anger was ever directed at him, even if at times he was the cause of it. He cared about him too much for that.

“Yes, Reggie?”

“We still have this,” the raccoon smiled. He lifted his baseball cap to reveal a small pouch underneath. He grabbed it and tossed it to the fox who caught it. He could hear a myriad of candy wrappers rustling around inside, the smell of sweetness permeating neatly around the cloth.

He looked at it with surprise and then turned to his cohort.

“Reg, when did you-?”

“It was during all that smoke,” the raccoon said, proud of his witty thinking. “Before we traded bags I grabbed a few handfuls and stuck it in this pouch. It’s like you always told me, remember? Rule number five: ‘it’s always better to leave a heist with something rather than risk taking nothing.’”

The fox couldn’t even begin to hide his glee. “Oh, Reggie!” he exclaimed his bushy tail wagging around him. “I’m so proud that I could just about kiss you.”

The raccoon chuckled and playfully bumped the fox’s leg with his fist, “Just make sure to share some with me, Rufus.”

The fox smiled, “Reggie, I’d share the entire world with you if I could.” Bending over, he placed a paw on the top of Reggie’s head and teasingly ruffled his hair. “Now, how about we start heading home, hm? I’ll even let you have first pick of the treats.”