The version of you that's already decided it won't work out is the most dangerous one.
She shows up before the thing even starts.
Before the conversation, before the attempt, before you've even given yourself a real chance — she's already there. Whispering that it won't work. That you'll pour yourself out again and get nothing back. That it's safer not to try.
I know her well.
She's the part of me that learned, early, that giving everything wasn't a guarantee of receiving anything. So she started pulling back before the disappointment could arrive. Started sabotaging things before they could fail on their own.
Because if I destroy it first, at least I'm in control of how it ends.
That's what self-sabotage really is, underneath all of it. It's not laziness. It's not weakness. It's a protection strategy that stopped serving you a long time ago.
I've held myself back in rooms I deserved to be in. I've talked myself out of things before anyone else got the chance to say no. I've picked fights when things were going well because some part of me was just waiting for it to fall apart anyway.
And I've had to ask myself the question that changed everything:
What would I do if I actually believed I deserved for it to work out?
I'm still answering that question. But I've stopped letting fear make the final call.
She's afraid. She doesn't get to be in charge anymore.
🖤
