You still chose to let me go.

What ends can still echo, and what fades can still be felt.

This cloud of sadness seems to hang over me, never leaving..just lingering over all that I do. And at some point, the cloud begins to fade..but as soon as I get to the point to where it practically disappears, this hurricane of depression rushes over me and the cloud becomes full again.

No one ever tells me that when your heart breaks, you can feel it. But you can. It feels like something has crumbled inside you and the pieces are falling into your stomach.

I still try to smile so the world would not ask what is breaking me..

Whenever I accidentally click on a Facebook link, I always panicked. It's like I am scared now to open my Facebook to see anything because we didn't blocked each other. I just stopped posting there and now I have been active on my Instagram or Tumblr. I still open my Messenger because our hospital group chat is there so i have no choice.

So I have already started running two days ago after my hospital shift. While running and brisk walking with Korean songs on my playlist, it makes me calm. I don't want to listen to english or opm music where I can understand the lyrics. It just makes me think about my heartbreak more. So for the past weeks, I can only listen to Kpop songs, in that way I won't have to think of anything and just vibe with the rhythm. I am starting to love running and brisk walking after I started it although my reason for that was to forget all the pain I am experiencing. But now, it is for health reason. I also started to play badminton with my colleagues whenever it fits our shifts. It is so satisfying. Planning to buy another badminton racket (even if I already have 2 haha) and shoes. Never ending shoes. Another thing, I am playing Valorant now although I am what you called a "noob" player since I just played it haha and by the way I am already level 7.

I don't believe in FOREVER anymore.

its 4:30 am... I am awake thinking, living, and breathing... but somethings different.. My heart... its breaking, aching and shaking... All because of you My mind’s racing, chasing, and raising.. all the problems of my life.. and I am slowly fading, wasting, and breaking.. because I don’t know who i am.. Not anymore ..

Living in this darkness feels like screaming into a void..