why do you try to sing

me to sleep?

do you want me

to slowly drift away

as you disappear,

thinking it would hurt

me less?

chilled wind, frozen lips

stop humming

me lullabies

i'm not a child anymore

and i know the difference

between someone

you want to be with

and someone

you can't wait to forsake

unconscionable and stiffening

where the morning is darkened

Elevators

I’ve never liked small spaces.

The constant ups and downs;

Being confined behind closed doors.

Waiting to arrive at destinations;

I’ve never been a fan of elevators.

Yet, here I am, patiently waiting;

Except this time,

I was intrigued by the ride.

Something changed when you stepped in

Before the doors closed;

The problem is caring. If I didn’t care I wouldn’t be doing this. The problem is that I was a kid who no one looked at, so when you look at me, I want to do everything to keep you looking. Shiny things again, small things. Tokens. I blow it. Money, men. I blow.

Sharp things. Toenails, razor blades, the sting of waxing one’s pussy. Soft things. Things I can’t get anywhere else. A cornered market. Sore feet again.

Heat like danger. Heat like dead leaves, dead grass. Dead girl. Dead girl loves you. I love you.

I love you. I love you.

I know later on I’ll be embarrassed I ever felt this way for you but I love you.

Sweet things, like your tongue in me. Tender things, like the bottom of your foot or sleeping on your chest. Hard things. Rough, scary, boring, grating, thankless things. Bad things. Red things again. Claspers, pincers, tweezers, pliers. Screwdrivers. Screw drivers.

Back in my childhood bedroom like I never left. How vertiginous it is to change so much and so little.

Plain things, pills and such. Little things, like pokes or like blinks.

In the land we live in  Thieves are the kings of the headlines Ruling the front pages for their riches

And their greatest sin, Greatest shame, Greatest trick, Greatest travesty,

Is how they have us all convinced They earned it 

I think I wouldnt know, blatant hate, if love had not existed.

I know agony, because time isnt a virtue of brevity and I am horribly limited.

I would toss my grief in the ocean, kick and scream and it would give a sunlit horizon.

Or I could let it consume me, the tempest would engulf the soul in its rage.

I can soothe it, with promises of a future I dare not think of;

like i watch him

in adoration

in more love than sorrow

i long for the both of them

they are close

yet so far away