The Unfairness of College being so Different from High School:
College stresses me out whenever I think about it. More specifically, whenever I think about the changes and differences between College and High School, my stress levels get even worse than they normally are. Have you ever felt nauseous and sick, your stomach turning into a veritable pretzel knot because of stress and anxiety? I've felt that, and I hate it. Nobody ever seems to talk about how stressful and unfair it all is, though, so i have taken it upon myself to write this. I just want to spread awareness of these systemic problems, because someone needs to say something. I will explain why i find college so unfair and hard to transition to. Why this whole system feels discriminatory towards people like me, who live for routine and consistency. And hopefully by the time i'm done writing all this, people will understand where i'm coming from whenever I say I dread leaving High School for College. I really do dread it, to the point where thinking about leaving high school makes me super emotional and volatile. This place has become a safe space for me. Asking me to give that up is unfair. So already we can see a pattern of unfairness. And trust me: it only gets worse from here. Much, much worse.
First off, let's talk about how College only ever focuses in on one subject. This isn't my biggest complaint, but that's why we're starting here. We're going to work our way up. But this is still a pretty big change, and it's one that I find absolutely ridiculous. In elementary school you learn about multiple subjects. In high school you learn about multiple subjects. But in college you have to pick a topic of specialization!? That's idiotic, especially since they never prepare elementary or high schoolers for this decision. They just throw them to the wolves and expect them to know what to do. But what if i don't know how to specialize and tie myself to one thing? For that matter, what if I simply don't want to tie myself down like that? I don't like being tied down and boxed in like that. I have tons of interests. Why can't I learn history, photography and so much more all during one semester or whatever? I can do that here in high school. Why can't I do it in College!? It's unfair. It's all probably because they want to train you to work for the job market, which is saying it all. I'll explain more later, but a jaded and bitter part of me feels like college isn't designed to provide learning. It's just designed to shovel more and more people into the stifling and cruel world of work. It's something we desperately need to change, because it shows some sick priorities on behalf of the founders of these institutions.
Next, we have to talk about how they seem to expect people to just accept the change without any fuss. They don't seem to take into account people like me. People who've been going to school since they were four. People who've become enamoured with the consistency and the routine. Personally, I like routine. I like that school gives me routine. It gives me something to base my weekdays around. A place where I can read and learn and feel some sense of contentment with my lot in life. But college does not feel like a comforting place where I can spend my hours reading and learning. The hours are inconsistent and routine is a dead concept. It feels like a trap designed only to lead people into the workforce. It doesn't feel as comforting and positive. It feels purely professional, and I really do despise that. It feels like yet more deprivation of that which I love, the comfortable stability of school. They strip me of things I love, and they don't care. "They" is a generic term to denote society at large, not any one person. What I mean is that the collective of society has no need for people like me, who resist change and don't want to work or leave behind the familiar. I'm an outlier, and this system society has built over centuries simply seems to have no place for me.
There's more than just these two problems, though. I have two more major problems to discuss, each one is good for it's own seperate paragraph. But before I get to them, I think i'll use this paragraph as a sort of lightning round. I'll discuss all the changes and stressors and unfair things that I hate, but that I don't have time to discuss in full detail (because we'd be here all day and all night if i discussed every stressful and unfair thing i'm dealing with). Some of these unfair things include: the lack of warning about the upcoming changes (they never discuss them until the very last year of high school, if then), the lack of processing time afforded to people, the fact that college seems to rely way more on independence and self reliance, the fact that school years are shorter, less well rounded and sometimes much bigger in terms of class sizes, the fact that there's no consistent routine and schedule like there is in high school, the fact that there's night courses (some of which go till ten at night), and so, so many others. Those were just five to six problems in this lightning round paragraph, but there's still so much to discuss. For example, we now have to discuss my two biggest stressors. I'll start in on them in my next paragraph.
One of my biggest stressors is the fear that I'll never be able to read again after leaving high school. This is a bit of a more personal problem of mine, but it's one that really makes me miserable to think about sometimes. I only ever seem capable of reading in a school setting. I started reading in school way back in grade one or grade two. I brought a novel to school, and I read it cover to cover. Since then, school has been my safe space for reading. I read online at home, true, but it's not the same. Only in school do I read physical books. I read in elementary school, now I read in high school. When I was doing online schooling, I never read my physical books. And now that high school is ending permanently for me, I'm terrified I'll never read my physical books ever again. Because the college library didn't seem like a super comfortable place. Half the books seemed to be digital in nature. I really didn't like seeing that when my dad and I went for a tour of the college. All it did was help convince me that I'll probably never read again should I leave high school. And I really, really hate that feeling of fear and dread it brings out in me. I'm trying to go every single day for the rest of this school year, because I want to get the most out of my reading. In case I never read a physical book again, I want to get everything I can out of it.
Finally, my biggest example of unfairness in regards to transferring from high school to college (or university, for that matter), is the cruel social and societal obsession with going to college or university. They mark it as some sort of sign of skill and intelligence. If you don't go into some form of post secondary education, you can't amount to anything. They build it up like it's the most important thing in the world, and you're a failure if you can't make it. It's unfair, especially since college/university seems designed to be failed by people like me. People who get overwhelmed by large crowds of people, people who need guidance and occasional check-ins to stay on task. People who want to learn about more than one subject. People who like routine above all. People who have disabilities of any kind. These big buildings that feel social and independent and massive and stressful and just…impossible to handle. If I can't handle college and I then can't handle the workforce, society will abandon me like i'm a derelict. They have no use for those who can't or won't work. They have no desire to help "freeloaders (which is no doubt what they consider me)." They would leave me alone in my own suffering if I don't manage to fit in. I know that. And that alone makes my blood boil and my panic intensify and my stress become ever more strong each new day. I oscillate between depression, fear, rage and bitterness. Maybe apathy on a good day. But usually the core four are the ones I mentioned above.
In summation, College is an unfair thing. It's a system designed to shove people into little boxes, all ready and prepared for the working world. If you don't want to work, they don't really want you. If you struggle with routine changes, they're probably gonna expect you to just deal and get over it. They do not care about the needs of people like me. They only care about those who fit in their boxes. I'm not saying everyone at college is bad, but I am saying this archaic system is broken and decrepit and desperately in need of repair. College should be free, it should be an extension of elementary school and high school, and it should be something that you can continue going to for as long as you want. That's the college I want to see exist. That is the college that desperately needs to exist. If it did, I honestly think it would make this whole world a slightly better place.
If they'd even just let me come to High School for the rest of my life, I would accept that offer eagerly. I could be a 30 year old sitting in a high school library reading, and I would be happy. Legitimately. Why should I be forced to change my life, when the change might make my life worse? It's not like I'd ever do anything improper at High School. Why must they deprive me of something I value!? If it's because of my age, that feels discriminatory and unfair. If it's because they want me to just go into the workforce, that's also horrible. All of this is horrible, and I hate that they want me to act like it isn't. This system is unfair, it's punishing, and it's just all around cruel.
