The stars in your eyes (Agender reader x Bloodymary) ⋆⁺₊⋆メ⋆⁺₊⋆
This was written for a friend originally but we felt like a lot of people could use some comfort. :] Have a great day and i hope you enjoy:
Tw: Mention of coma, dysphoria
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Really, how couldn't it have been.
Ryland thought he was the only survivor of the Hail Mary's starting trip for so long…he saw the corpses of his fellow astronauts… he spent so long alone.. waking up trying to remember anything… to fix things…
And then they found Simon, already an impossibility by all accounts.
Another human, floating through space in a submarine, who knows how he got there… Well Ryland has theories but that doesn't matter right now.
Standing on the sands of the biosphere.
Looking as dishevelled and confused as he once did.
The team that had prepared the Hail Mary for her (potential yet unlikely) trip home had found them.
Turns out in his panic… Ryland hadn't checked the rest of the room for potential crewmates but the two he had… sent into space.
The eridians had brought them here, still wobbly on their feet but standing. Their voice not yet functional due to disuse. Ryland had been in a coma for 11 years… this person had been for AT LEAST 17…
It was no wonder you remembered even less than he did.
It took you longer to do almost everything than it took him.
It took you longer to fully be able to walk.
You still struggle with speaking for a long time too.
At least you didn't have to be awake for the food situation they had on Mary during the last few months of the journey.
It was okay though. Because Simon and Grace were here for you. Always.
As were they on this fateful day…
You were staring at a mirror…
You weren't doing anything.
Something felt wrong. Looking at yourself felt wrong. Though you didn't quite have the ability to put it into words…
You were just standing in the middle of the hall.
Look, one of them had to say something eventually and Grace obviously didn't want to so it might as well be Simon.
For the first time in quite a while your eyes tear away from the mirror finding Simon and Grace standing awkwardly in the middle of the living room.
Your eyes quickly snap back to the mirror though.
Even after the handful of weeks you had already been here your voice hasn't quite been able to fully recover, still scratchy and rough. It's been getting better though.
“Do you ..want to ..talk.. about it?” Ryland was worse at hiding his obvious concern than Simon was…
And Simon was already bad at it.
“Can’t…don't have the…word…feels wrong.”
“What’s inside.” Simon answers before the microbiologist could fully understand what those words could even mean.
“Yes.” You put your hand on the glass, staring long and hard. Getting back any of your memory was hard.
You had been in a coma for so long…
But if you could just..remember.. maybe..
All of this would make sense.
“Well what can we do?” Ryland offers, pretty sure that if you could glare at the mirror any more frustratedly…it’d break.
Simon makes a choice then.
Pulling out the hair tie out of his own hair and walking up behind you softly so as not to scare you.
Gathering your hair and putting it into a loose bun at the nape of your neck.
“Yes.” It wasn't really a question as much as a statement. He remembers what it was like..getting to look at himself on the Hail Mary for the first time.. and wishing he hadn't. The view of himself without his arm still isn't something that's easy for him. He could never give Rocky enough thanks for the prosthetic xenoite arm he was lucky enough to have now.
But he remembers that feeling of wrongness.
You weren't missing anything.. but he imagined you felt quite similar.
“You want it gone, Petal?”
…It takes you a moment,not to find out the answer no that's immediate in its intensity, but rather …why your body reacted so strongly to it.
And so that's what they did.
Sitting you down in the bathroom of your shared home, towel over your shoulders, Ryland gently brushing and cutting your hair while Simon sat on the lip of the bathtub just watching to make sure you two were okay. He liked to do that alot. You suppose he and Rocky were quite similar in that.
One snip,two snips ,3 and then more and just like that the hair fell into the sink and on the floor.
The shaggy mess being brought back to a comfortable length in no time at all.
Ryland runs his hand through your hair once more softly before stepping away and looking at his handy work.
Your eyes find the mirror and just like that…you're not in the bathroom at all anymore…
You're at the hairdresser. Back on earth.
Your first ever real hair cut after your coming out.
You remember the feeling.
Remember how good it felt to finally have a word for it.. you were always you that didn't change but…it was nice to know other people knew this feeling too.
You were agender. You were you. You were valid and you were loved.
That's why staring in the mirror felt wrong.
Because the person staring back at you..didn't look like you…and hadn't done so for a long time.
Staring at the mirror now you can't help the single tear welling up in your eye. You…even after everything… even after so long of it not seeming that way…it's still you.
“Hey? I'm sorry! Do you not like it! I can try it differently or-”
Rylands rambles stop as quickly as they start.
“Perfect..i know..the word now…”
Simon raises an eyebrow “Yeah?”
Something in Ryland's eyes sparkle, recognition maybe?
…Meanwhile Simon just looks confused
Ryland can't help but chuckle “No Simon. I'm not really surprised you don't know what that is you were raised in a christian adjacent cult afterall, Agender as in one word…it's a gender identity…”
Rylands voice isn't judgmental when he asks next: “Do you also not know what that is?”
“I'm not stupid. I know some stuff… We had a nurse. Back in the c.o.i’s prison. Who wasn't always …you know… she was a good woman. Good people were hard to find. You didnt fuck with her.”
Ryland turns back to you, his eyes finding yours in the mirror and his hand gently finding one of your shoulders. “Im glad you told us…i hope you know this doesn't change anything..unless you want it to ofcourse! We support you no matter what and we are here for you whenever you need us, okay Supernova?”
“What the doc said…” Simon smiles at you, getting up from the edge of the bathtub and slowly running his hand through the strands of your hair. “This looks good on you…”
You huff a laugh in surprise. Usually Simon didn't care much for appearance after what he'd been through.
You roll your eyes lovingly.
“Ey, Petal! ..I smile..” he feigns offense loudly.
Grace can only laugh. “Sure you do! Only when you're with us though. The eridians call you the grumpy space blop!”
“Wait what?! Which one?? It was Jeremy wasn't it! I swear to you that guy has it out for me!”
You and Grace both laugh loudly at that.
You didn't know where the beef between the gardener and the member of the biosphere team started but it was too funny to stop anyway.
You were valid..just how you are…and you were loved.
And you were glad that of all the people in the multiverse… it ended up being by these two.
Because no matter how wrong things can feel sometimes…
This would always feel right.
And they would always welcome you back into their arms with a smile anytime you ask for it.
You and every bit of you.
And nothing could ever change that…
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