#samjess

When he caught the scent of someone smoking outside, Sam saw his father dropping a half-finished cigarette into a grave. His mind found a supernatural explanation for every news story he heard. In the middle of conversation, Sam swore he saw his friend's eyes flash with black.

On weekends, Sam accepted Brady’s never-ending invitations to parties, then came home and studied until the words of his textbooks were burned into his retinas, but when he laid down in bed, he was still overcome with the urge to abandon Stanford completely and find something, anything to waste. His fingers itched to feel a trigger beneath them. Despite himself, Sam stole salt packets from the dining hall to line his windows and slept with a silver blade beneath his pillow.

Then he met Jessica.

Jess was like nothing Sam had ever known. Her voice was soft; her eyes were kind; her very skin glowed like the sun lay just under its surface. Sam lost his virginity to rough, calloused hands—Jess’ were so smooth that he was surprised she ever even held a pencil. Sam grew up in dimly-lit motel rooms, hiding in shadows and sneaking out in the middle of the night. Jess carried sunshine into every room. Her smile alone contained more warmth than a summer day in Flagstaff.

It wasn't enough.

When Sam woke with another body in his bed, he instantly smelled sweat, motor oil, and musk. If he closed his eyes while Jess was going down on him, he expected to see buzzed hair between his thighs when he opened them. Somehow, the second her small, soft hands grabbed Sam’s hips, they grew and became covered in scars and callouses. Sam tried to leave the past behind, but it haunted him regardless. There was no way to salt and burn his own memories.

Jess' presence made no difference. Sam still had to turn off the news whenever he entered a room. He kept salt packets in his pockets. His silver knife was always tucked into his belt.

Lately, when Sam went to sleep, he saw Jess on the ceiling, lit by a ball of flames. Even living in paradise, Sam couldn't help but look for monsters.

Sam loved Jess, but she didn't change a thing. He was still the man that he was raised to be.