imauselessartist

07.16.2024

🏕beautiful and bittersweet🏕

'am i ever going to get a full night's sleep again?' he asks.

chim snorts from the dining table. 'maybe in a year, buckley,' he says.

hen pats him on the shoulder. 'don't worry,' she reassures him. 'the first one's always the hardest.'

and, well. she's right, but-- buck frowns, feels disconcerted for a moment and doesn't quite know why. his eyes flick over to eddie for some reason, and eddie is-- sitting on the armchair, the same way he was earlier, but instead of the indulgent smile on his face there's an oddly flat look, a careful lack of tension in his frame. buck watches him. eddie doesn't speak. buck turns away.

later when everyone's in the bunks buck wanders out half-asleep to find eddie looking at something on his phone. he walks up behind him and sees a picture he'd sent eddie after the tsunami, him and chris cheek to cheek grinning at the zoo.

'chris was a different kind of hard,' he says, after a few moments of eddie not turning to look at him.

eddie sweeps his thumb over the picture, lingering over buck's heart, christopher's face. 'he couldn't run into driveways, at least,' he agrees. 'but he knocked over his fair share of vases with his crutches.'

'and salad bowls,' buck smirks, sitting down next to him.

eddie laughs, nudges his shoulder. he looks down at the photo on his phone again, until the screen goes dark. 'he's not your first, you know,' eddie says. 'theo.'

and buck already kind of knows that's where it was going but it makes his heart stutter anyways. he remembers the way his palm fit around the back of theo's head, the way his oversized helmet fit over golden hair. how familiar it'd all felt. chris had only been a little older, when he'd had his first ride-along with them.

'i know,' he replies. he knocks his shoe against eddie, thinks about when he can drag chris out to the planetarium again, and leave eddie with this kid that buck already knows he's more than halfway to loving. 'and chris isn't your last, either.'

eddie grins, even as he pretends to groan. 'is that your way of making me clean up after theo, buck?'

I know I’ll probably watch a few episodes maybe around Halloween but every last bit of love I had for that show just leaves me the more time goes on because of season five.