#risking

When we take a chance, we invite uncertainty, but also the possibility of greatness. Failure may loom, but so does triumph. The beauty of every story—be it a tale of love, adventure, or personal growth—comes from the risks we take, the moments when we decide to leap, not knowing where we’ll land.

6/24/1986. Tuesday

Well, I really don’t know what to say. I QUIT TODAY (Working at the Modesto Public Defender’s office)

And, it feels like a natural shift. Over and over people have said to me “What do you have to lose?” “You really have guts.” “You’re young, Go For It." 

Comments around the office were “He’s a hard worker”. Judge Cole said “Lew and Cardenas are the only one’s who will go that extra yard to make a difference.”

I handed the letter of resignation to Ruth, a secretary, to type it up. She refused to type it. She said “No, take it back.” She asked her supervisor Wanda “I don’t have to type this, do I?”

I was then escorted  by Wanda and office administrator Chuck Maylen into Dallas’s office. He was the head Public Defender. I said “Dallas, I loved working here. I think it was great knowing a person like you who so loves his fellow man. He said “You can come back to work here if you want to.”

The younger guys (deputy public defenders) are silent about it.The older guys completely understand. Dallas said “Maybe you’re the smartest one of all of us (for leaving).

Dad said to Mom “Lew won’t be there when I go to the SOS (Sportsmen of Stanislaus) club now.”Pete here at Lakeside said “We’ll throw a party for you”. Andy said “So you found the job you wanted?” I said “No, it found me.”

GOD, I HAVE SO MANY LOVING PEOPLE IN MY LIFE.

Dad and Mom came up to bring an insurance form. Dad just worried and worried and worried about furniture moving and how small my, apartment  in Sacramento would be, etc. Mom said, and I’ve never heard her say this before “Let him lead his own life Larry. Let him think for himself. He’s 31 now.” They are sad and brave and scared for me. I feel calm. It is a natural bridge. Chuck said , with retirement and benefits, I get $5000 when I go.

So, I feel good about my life now.

End of this part of the entry.

Note: I had accepted a position at a law firm in Sacramento and was preparing to move there from Modesto and leave my job as a deputy public defender. My parents lived in nearby Atwater. The SOS club was a sports club with gym pools, a restaurant and bar in Modesto.

Steps once made now lead nowhere Lost in thought but truth is there Stuck in place though steps are made Death walks with those which are afraid