#life changes

it's officially official! i will be starting my new job on thursday!

Lately it feels like every part of preparing for this move comes with friction. Nothing is simple. Nothing is straightforward. Every form, every call, every decision has a dozen steps behind it, and each one takes more out of me than I expect.

Doing all of this while chronically ill is its own kind of maze. I keep running into the limits of my body — not dramatically, just constantly. Fatigue that hits like a wall. Pain that reshapes the day. The way even “small” tasks can take hours because I have to pace myself, rest, restart, try again. How often I end up falling asleep long before the day is over.

And then there’s the little voice of doubt that whispers, “Maybe this is too hard. Maybe it’s safer to stay here.”

But the truth is, it isn’t safer. Staying would be the bigger risk. This move is one huge leap — a new country I’ve never lived in, a whole life I have to build from scratch — but once I’m there, my risk level drops. Especially because one of my biggest fears and expenses, access to affordable, high‑quality healthcare, will finally be stable.

In the U.S., I lose that access more every year, and my body pays the price. My sanity suffers as I think about the future and how much worse it will get.

I created this blog because I’m preparing to leave the United States. Not in a dramatic way, not “running away.” Just in the quiet, determined way you do when you’ve spent years navigating systems that were never built for you.

I wanted a place to write about disability, immigration, bureaucracy, grief, rebuilding, and the strange mix of fear and relief that comes with starting over somewhere else. I don’t plan to share personal details, but I do plan to share the process: the paperwork, the emotions, the losses, the small wins, the things I wish I’d known sooner.

For a while now, I have noticed that I have been bored with my life. Not necessarily unhappy. Just… bored. I keep hoping something life changing, in the best possible way, will happen to me. I want it to be so big that even I would have to take a step back and take it all in. I don’t even know what that thing is. I just know I want to feel something different. I think one thing I am extremely…