#rebt

Content warning: therapy, brief mentions of homelessness, abusive parents

So I started EMDR therapy a couple weeks ago and I’m so so happy because I’m finally actually comfortable with a therapist for once and I feel like she understands me and it’s really great. I’m not sure how she would do with my autism and stuff but right now the focus is on my ptsd so that’s a worry for later.

Today during my therapy session she put words to something that I do that I hadn’t even realized I was doing (and I tend to be like overly self aware). I was talking about my to do list because it was stressing me out and I needed to reorganize it so it would be less overwhelming. She mentioned a type of therapy called REBT (rational emotive behavior therapy) and one of the ideas with that is that “shoulds” and “musts” are actually irrational beliefs/ negative thinking patterns. (I’m not an expert at all but the exact details don’t matter for this ask).

So I mentioned how I tend to think of things like for example finding a new apartment as “I must do this or else I will be homeless/ forced to live with my abusive parents” and even smaller things like “I should trim my dogs nails so they stop scratching us so much”.

She called this “Avoidance of Punishment” and it was such an eye opening moment for me. I’m a dog trainer too so thinking of things in reinforcement/ punishment terms makes it make a lot of sense for me.

I had NO IDEA that I was doing this but I absolutely was. I was essentially training myself to get my tasks done through negative reinforcement. For those who don’t understand operant conditioning terms, reinforcement increases the behavior, punishment decreases the behavior, positive means something is being added (like a treat or a slap), negative means something is being taken away. So I was reinforcing the behavior of completing tasks but instead of rewarding myself for doing a good job, doing the task was reinforced by taking away the fear of the bad potential consequences. As you might guess this is not a healthy/ positive way of thinking about things. So now I get to practice training myself like a dog (human and dog brains work a lot the same and dog training is a framework that makes it easy for me to think about) by giving myself small rewards when I get things done (a piece of candy, a quick round of spider solitaire on my phone, etc).

Anyway yeah I don’t have a good way to end this since I’m not needing anything I’m just sharing something that opened my eyes today and something I think that many others might experience and so I hope this helps someone!

Hey there! Nice to hear from you again!

Therapy is a difficult thing to navigate and different approaches work for different people. I am glad you have found something that is leading you in a good direction. Healing is a long journey and it sounds like you are on the right track.

Thanks for sending an update, it is of course not expected of you but I am very happy to hear that you are in a better place.

Best of luck,

Trying this out out. I tend to dwell on negative feelings. This behavior will never lead to growth. 

Activating Event: What did I see, hear, taste, touch, or smell in this situation. 

-Boss talked to group about caregiver appreciation and recognition 

Thoughts: What are you thinking about in this situation to create a perception or judgment about it.

-WTF, I have been bringing this up for two years without support. I have literally suggested the exact same strategies

Feeling: What feeling are you or did you attach to your thoughts based on your perception of the situation.

-hurt, overlooked, undervalued, mad

Actions/Behaviors: how am I behaving or acting based on how you feel about the situations.

-aloof, distant

What are some new positive thoughts that I could have to change my perception and have a different more effective view of the situation, attach a more positive feeling and act more positively based on that feeling?