#prorq

Before I begin, remember that these tips are not meant to encourage stereotypes, caricatures, or racist portrayals of Black people. Black people are not defined by a specific appearance, personality, way of speaking, fashion style, hobby, or interest. The purpose of these tips is to help you explore your identity while learning about and respecting Black culture.

General Tips

Avoid Stereotypes

This should be such a no brainer, but I seriously cannot believe how many times I have seen people online providing wrong, offensive or extremely racist and stereotypical “tips” to Black Trace individuals… Please use your better judgement and do not stoop down to such racism and bigotry! Never base your understanding of Black people on racist stereotypes or exaggerated portrayals.

If you do not naturally use certain slang, dialects, or speech patterns, do not feel pressured to adopt them! Please do not force yourself to speak differently just to appear “more Black”…

There is no single "correct" way to be Black. Being Black is not determined by the music you listen to, the clothes you wear, the hobbies you enjoy, the way you speak, your interests or personality or your physical appearance…

Learn About Black History

Take time to educate yourself on Black history beyond what you may have learned in school.

Read books, articles, and essays written by Black authors. Explore Black art, literature, music, and film. Learn about important historical events, social movements, and influential figures throughout history.

You can also support and learn from Black activists, artists, writers, musicians, etc. The more knowledge you gain, the deeper your understanding of Black culture, history, and experiences will become.

Interact With Black Communities

If possible, try to spend time in spaces where Black people and other people of color are present.

You may be able to join clubs or organizations created by Black people, attend community events, participate in cultural celebrations, make friends with people from different backgrounds, or engage with online communities that have large Black audiences.

If you cannot interact with people in person, support Black content creators online! Watch their videos, listen to their podcasts, read their work, and engage with their communities and fandoms!

Surround Yourself With Supportive People

Spend time with people who respect and support you.

You should never feel pressured to hide your identity out of fear that your friends or family will abandon you. Healthy friendships are built on trust, understanding, and acceptance.

You may also find comfort in online communities, like discord or here on tumblr, where you can speak with other Trace individuals and share your experiences.

Protect Your Privacy

If you are not comfortable sharing your Trace identity publicly, you do not have to!

Only tell people you genuinely trust. Not everyone will be supportive, and it is important to prioritize your safety and well-being.

If remaining private feels safer, you may choose to keep your identity between yourself and a small circle of trusted people.

If you can only transition online right now and cannot transition in person, that is okay! Your own safety should be your top priority.

Set Clear Transition Goals

Before you begin transitioning, think carefully about what you want your transition to look like.

Ask yourself what aspects of your life or yourself would you like to change? What causes you the most discomfort or dysforia? What would make you feel more like your true self (Different clothes, hair, mannerisms, culture, etc)?

Try to set goals that are realistic and achievable. Breaking larger goals into smaller steps can make them feel less overwhelming. Breaking your goals into smaller, more digestible steps can make it extremely easy to keep track of your progress over time. Looking back at how far you have come may help you stay motivated!

Tips for Transitioning Online

Use (Micro)Labels

there are many TransIDs out there that you can identify with that can help others (and yourself) better understand and recognize what your transition goals are! But it doesn’t have to just be transIDs—I recommend searching through LIOMOQAI posts/coins that relate to race/ethnicity or coining your own terms to better help describe your experiences and feelings!

Be Open About Your (Trace) Identity

If you feel safe doing so, do not feel pressured to hide your Trace identity online, especially if you are in RQ/TransID spaces or just in communities in which there are always people willing to accept and support you through your transition journey. <3

Change Your Personas/Online Avatars

A really easy way to let other beings know that you are Black is to simply just make it clear on your online avatar (Using Black skin tone options for your avatars or playing as POC characters) and/or profile (Bio, username, profile picture, etc).

Tips For Transitioning In Person/Socially

Culture

If connecting with Black culture or communities is important to your transition or makes you feel more accepted with Black culture, I recommend participating in/celebrating Black History Month, attending community events, supporting Black-owned businesses, listening to music by POC artists, participating in trends, learning about different cultural traditions, and cooking foods that interest you from Black cultural traditions.

Physical Appearance

Physically changing certain aspects of your appearance may be one of the biggest ways to relieve your dysphoria, but it can also be harmful if you do not do your own research! Everyone’s experience and needs are different, and blindly following advice from others may cause you actual harm. Please be extremely cautious and careful!

Transitioning physically can (and should) be a gradual process with you experimenting and finding out what suits you best rather than transitioning all at once.

I recommend doing extensive research on different styles of clothing, hairstyles, makeup, nail care, skincare, fragrances, or self-care routines to find what products will work with your specific needs best and find out what makes you feel most like yourself.

If you are interested in changing your hairstyle, spend time researching different styles and learning proper hair care! Haircare varies depending on hair texture and hair type. Research what works best for your own hair and learn how to properly maintain any style you choose.

If you wear protective styles such as braids, learn how to care for them properly and when they should be removed. You may also choose to use accessories such as bonnets or beads if they fit your haircare routine.

TRANSQUIRKLESS

Even if disappearing may seem abrupt to others, going missing should NOT be something you do impulsively, especially if you are planning on staying missing or hidden for a long time. Going missing takes time, and you should be aware of, and plan ahead for, the lifestyle changes you are going to need to adapt to.

Depending on how you plan on transitioning, some of these tips may not be as helpful to you... I apologize.

General Tips

Plan Ahead

Spend time thinking realistically planning what your day-to-day needs will be. If you plan on going missing in person, consider what necessities (identification documents, medications, important records, chargers, hygiene products, weather-appropriate clothing, emergency contact information, food, water, etc) you need to rely on regularly and how you would continue to access them if your circumstances changed.

Think about your finances, housing situation, transportation needs, communication methods, and support systems!

Stay Out of Trouble

Try your best to avoid legal or criminal trouble whenever possible as getting the attention of the police may lead to investigations, searches and depending on whether or not you get convicted, it may be on your public record.

Tips for Transitioning Online

Reduce Your Digital Footprint Completely

If you are trying to disappear gradually but have a large following or many people who regularly check up on you, consider taking increasingly long breaks from the internet multiple times. Avoid drawing attention to your absence and avoid posting apologies for being inactive. Over time, people may begin to view your disappearances as normal behaviour rather than something unusual and slowly stop inquiring you about your absence.

If you want to disappear more abruptly, however, consider deactivating, privating, or completely abandoning your public accounts and moving to private or burner accounts instead.

Keep personal information and schedules private whenever possible. Avoid posting (recent) photos of yourself publicly and periodically review old posts and accounts to remove information that reveals your location, interests, age, or other identifying details.

If you are able to, try to log back into old accounts that you may have forgotten about even if you haven't used them in years (Try to through your browser's saved passwords or password managers to find accounts from old gaming platforms, streaming services, forums, shopping sites, school portals, social media accounts, etc) and remove any comments, posts, playlists, links from these accounts or simply deactivate them. I know that YouTube has a feature in which it allows you to show your accounts comment history, so try to search through these comments and delete any of the comments that may reveal person information such as your name or other usernames.

If you create new accounts, consider whether you want previous mutuals, acquaintances, or people from your offline life to have access to them. Some people choose to block these individuals immediately to prevent accidental discovery.

It can also be useful to search for your own usernames and accounts occasionally. While it may feel counterintuitive, this can help you identify what information remains publicly accessible and how easily others may be able to find it.

I recommend using Have I Been Pwned to figure out if any sites you may have used in the past has suffered from a data breach.

Turn Off Settings That Share Accounts With Your Contacts

There are so many platforms that sync your contacts or use your location data, so always remember to turn off contact syncing whenever possible! Some sites (like Twitter) automatically have contact syncing turned on when you make an account, so do your best to always check the privacy settings of social media accounts that may allow your profile to appear in "People You May Know" or similar algorithms.

Separate Your Online Identities or Personas

Use different usernames and aliases across different platforms if you do not want your accounts to easily be connected to one another. Avoid reusing old usernames or slight variations of them, and avoid using predictable naming conventions. Consider using random word generators to create entirely new handles.

If you are easily recognizable or known online for a specific thing (activity, talent, fandom, voice, artwork, or general community presence), Try to completely avoid posting about said specific thing you are known for, or try to change the way you behave or talk online.

I recommend using entirely different different email addresses, aesthetics, profile pictures, and bios for each account you own and using different social media platforms for each of your accounts if you plan on posting your creative works, interests, or want to continue socialising publicly. I also highly recommend NOT cross posting art or your interests on these accounts to reduce the likelihood that one account will lead people to another.

Be Cautious When Posting Photos Online

As a general rule online, try your best to avoid posing your face or about visiting (famous or popular) locations, school logos, workplace details, street signs, or other recognisable or easily searchable locations.

Photos contain metadata such as GPS coordinates, and although many social media platforms remove this automatically, direct file-sharing services and messaging platforms may not. Consider disabling location permissions for your camera if you are able to!

Transitioning in Person

Cut Off or Ignore Your Contacts

Try to cut off or limit your interaction with your friends and family, both online and in person. I recommend trying to vary your routines (like going to places at extremely busy, or extremely vacant times, or using different routes every time you commute) rather than following an easily recognisable or memorable schedule every day to lower the chance of being noticed by someone you might have known.

If you encounter someone unexpectedly, try to be as uninteresting and uninformative as a grey rock when talking to them. Provide as little information as you possibly can about your current circumstance and do your best to avoid giving them any username handles or contact information.

Inform Trusted Individuals of Your Disappearance

Though it seems counterintuitive, If you plan on going missing, consider informing at least one trusted person beforehand. You do not need to tell them where you are going, when you plan to leave, or what your long-term plans are. Simply inform them that your soon-to-be departure is completely premeditated. This is simply just to prevent confusion or widespread concern or panic if others begin worrying about you. I recommend keeping in touch with the individual(s) you trust with this information, even if it is just through a burner phone incase you are in need of help.

Be Less Recognizable

Some people find that wearing ordinary, neutral clothing helps them blend into everyday environments. Clothing that is common and unremarkable tends to attract less attention than bright styles, logos, or accessories. If you already have a recognizable fashion sense, try your best to lay low or change the most recognizable part of you! Grow out or cut your hair short, change your glasses's frames, wear different shoes, etc.

Also consider whether your current contact information, mailing arrangements, or (bluetooth) device names contain identifying information that you would prefer not to share. Updating these details and reducing unnecessary personal information can help create greater separation between different parts of your life!

These tips are based primarily on my own experiences and are not meant to replace the advice of healthcare professionals such as therapists. I do not know you personally, nor do I know what your specific triggers or circumstances are. While opening up about intrusive thoughts, sexual urges, compulsions, or addictive behaviors can be uncomfortable, seeking support is often one of the most helpful steps you can take. Please be patient with yourself and give yourself grace, compassion, and forgiveness. <3

General Tips

Practice Radical Acceptance

One of the most important steps in recovery is accepting the reality that you experience intrusive thoughts, sexual urges, or compulsive behaviors. Radical Acceptance does not mean that you approve of these thoughts or intend to act on them. Rather, it means acknowledging their existence without shame, denial, or resentment towards yourself. Recovery becomes much more difficult when you spend all of your energy fighting reality or pretending that a problem does not exist.

Know Your Triggers

Try to identify and track your triggers whenever possible to prevent any discomfort, anxiety, or panic it creates. Triggers may include certain times of day, (stressful) events, specific memories, sounds, people, communities, apps, words, loneliness, boredom, lack of sleep, or emotional distress. When a triggering thought arises, acknowledge it without assigning moral value to it and allow those feelings to pass naturally. Intrusive thoughts are not commands, and they do not define your character. They are simply thoughts. Learning to observe them without obsessing over what they mean can reduce the power they hold over you.

Avoid Harmful Coping Mechanisms

When an intrusive thought or urge appears, your first instinct may be to panic, shame yourself, or engage in self-destructive coping mechanisms. Unfortunately, these reactions often reinforce the cycle rather than break it. Treating a thought as dangerous or catastrophic signals to your brain that it deserves extra attention, which can make it occur more frequently or feel more intense over time.

Be kind to yourself throughout the recovery process. If your hypersexuality is connected to a sex or pornography addiction, try not to replace one harmful coping mechanism with another. Substituting one addiction or compulsive behavior for a different vice ultimately does not addresses the underlying issue and may increase the likelihood of future relapse or even more destructive behaviours.

Practice Grounding Techniques

While they may not eliminate the urge entirely, especially when you have not used grounding techniques before, they might be able to slow your impulsively down and may better help you overcome your addiction. Some general grounding techniques I have learned are the following:

The 5-4-3-2-1 Method: Find five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. I recommend keeping items—such as a cold water bottle, stuffed animal, blanket, fidget toy, sour candy, perfume, scented candles, etc—nearby.

Box Breathing: Breathe in for four seconds, hold for four seconds, exhale for four seconds, and hold again for four seconds before repeating the cycle. Continue until your heartbeat slows down and you physically feel more relaxed.

Play The Tape Forward: When you feel triggered, pause and reflect on how you will feel ten minutes, one hour, and one day if you acted on it. Reflect on both the short-term satisfaction and the aftermath, whether that includes regret, anxiety, frustration, disappointment, or self-resentment. 

The 90-Second Rule: When an urge appears, commit to doing absolutely nothing in response to it for ninety seconds. Sit still, focus on your breathing without acting on it.

Tips for Transitioning Online

Avoid NSFT Communities and Enablers

The people and communities you surround yourself with can significantly influence your recovery. Whenever possible, seek out individuals who genuinely support your well-being and encourage healthier habits rather than those who normalize, romanticize, or enable behaviors that make your struggles worse.

If certain online communities consistently trigger you, consider leaving them entirely. This may include NSFT communities, spaces that frequently discuss triggering content, or groups that encourage compulsive sexual behavior, or even the Radqueer Community. If leaving isn't an option you can realistically commit to, try muting or blocking certain hashtags, words, accounts, or communities.

Use Relapse Trackers Or App/Site Blockers

Try to use apps like I Am Sober to track your recovery journey and keep track of when you do relapse or your triggers. Alternatively, try using using website blockers or limiting your ScreenTime or access on certain apps if you tend to relapse from getting bored of scrolling social media easily.

Don't Just Be In Communities About Recovery

While recovery communities can be incredibly helpful, I recommend joining other communities centered around your interests, hobbies, games, art, music, writing, etc. Recovery should be part of your life, not your entire identity; focusing solely on recovery may become unhealthy and may lead to obsessive thoughts or guilt about recovery.

Tips for Transitioning In Person

Physically Change The Environment Around Yourself

Try to make your bed and bedroom spaces only meant for sleep and relaxation. If you usually experience intrusive thoughts or urges while you are in the bedroom, consider physically getting up and moving to another room or at least try to keep your bedroom door open. It can also be helpful to physically move your phone, computer, or devices out of your room during times you are most vulnerable to prevent impulsive behavior. If you aren’t able to physically move your devices out of your room, try to only use your devices when sitting in a chair or on your desk.

Have Others Around You

Try to be around others as much as you can instead of staying socially isolated or feeling lonely! Try your best to record yourself, call someone, ask a trusted person to physically stay in the same room as you or  visit a public space where your screen and actions are visible to others when you are experiencing intrusive thoughts. This also works if you have tasks or chores to complete but find yourself distracted by your urges!

Join clubs, sports teams, or other regularly scheduled in-person activities to fill up your schedule if you are sensitive or easily triggered during certain times of day—physical activity is also just a good thing to do in general to keep you mentally and physically healthy.