Robby stared hard at the ice remaining in the bottom of his glass. He tensed as he sensed a someone sitting down in the chair next to him.
This is why you came here, he had to remind himself.
A good teacher has self-awareness. A good doctor has self-awareness. So if he’s feeling a strange new pull towards his trainee — who is so smart and so talented and preens when Robby praises him but also has a wedding ring and pictures of a new baby taped in his locker — if he’s feeling a heaviness in his belly and a lightness in his chest when he sees him and especially when he sees him succeed — he should figure out what it is. So he can figure out how to manage it.
It’s embarrassing. It’s embarrassing to be 46 and not sure if he might be… like that. He’s never felt this way before. Sure, he’s known some charismatic men in his life. Objectively good-looking men. But he’s never wanted to….
“Hi.”
Robby looked over and received a little smile from a lissome blonde boy who didn’t seem old enough to be at a bar but clearly felt more comfortable here than he did.
“Hi.” Robby replied stiffly.
“Could I join you for a drink?” The boy said, hanging back demurely but clearly ready to slip in close if given permission.
“Is that what people do here?”
The boy tilted his head quizzically. “Are you… new to all of this?” He said it carefully, softly, like he knew how not to spook an animal feeling threatened.
Robby barely got the words out. “I’m not sure I should be here.”
“Maybe we could have a drink and you could... see how it feels.”
“How old are you?”
The bartender, behind the bar slicing lemons, audibly snorted.
“I’m 22.”
The bartender nodded in confirmation and leaned in. “Can I get you another one of those?”
Robby takes a deep breath. “Yes. And whatever he wants.”
“Thank you,” the boy said breathily, coming in closer and giving Robby’s thigh a little squeeze. “I’ll have what he’s having.”
“Why are you talking to me, kid?” Honestly, this isn’t what he expected. He thought it’d be what’s your name, where are you from, what do you do with someone who remembered the Clinton era.
“You’re quite handsome,” the boy said guilelessly. “And men like you… tend to like me. I’m Dennis. You?”
“Mike.”
“Mike, I’m going to flirt with you. You can see if you like it. I’ll stop if you tell me you to stop.”
The bartender passed them their whiskeys on the rocks, and Robby felt heat in his belly when Dennis startled at the strength of the it and giggled. “That’s strong!”
The kid seemed totally in control of this interaction, like he was sure everything was falling into place in a predictable sequence. And it made Robby irritated because sure, it felt good when the kid slid his knee against his thigh and it would be so easy to just let him keep going… but wasn’t he always supposed to be the one in charge?
Then boy told a joke, and he couldn’t hide how his pupils dilated when Robby laughed. Oh, Robby thought. Maybe he isn’t the person he thought he was & maybe that’s going to have serious consequences in his life but right now, he just felt the feeling of control rushing back.
I could make this kid want my approval, he thought to himself. Just like Frank does.
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Tune in to see Katseye perform at the VMAs pre-show this Sunday, September 7th 7pm ET!
Where to watch & more info below! ⬇️
Sunday, September 7th
4pm PT | 5pm MT | 6pm CT | 7pm ET
The VMAs (including the pre-show) will be airing live on CBS and MTV and streaming afterwards on Paramount+ (in the USA at least).
You’ll also be able to catch the pre-show live on MTV’s YouTube channel! Just look for a video titled “2025 Video Music Awards LIVE Red Carpet Pre-Show” (or something similar)!
I'm rewatching Andor again and I'm on the second episode. I'm in the part where Timm gets a visit from Bix. And I was thinking, you know what would be hilarious? If somehow Bix gets the wrong place and it's Brasso's place instead. 😂 And Brasso is all like, are you drunk? And Bix is all like, ah, kriff, I got the wrong house, didn't I? Basically, Brasso being Brasso helps her get back home, because seriously Bix what where you thinking? And Bix is just wincing at the lecture her friend is giving her. Brasso leaves her something for the headache he's sure she'll have in the morning.
Anyways, I know this ain't shippy, but I sure as hell value brixo friendship before they get into a relationship over time. Anyways, here's a little Christmas gift for you. I hope you're having a great time!
Oh this is so cute! And yes, I value their friendship too. I love a good friends-to-lovers.
I hope you don't mind, I decided that I liked this so much I wanted to write it out. Just a regular night, not the night shown in the episode.
What Are Friends For?
Bix hit the buzzer, leaning against the doorjamb. This was perhaps not the best idea, but she was bored and restless and maybe a quick screw would help burn both feelings off.
"Hey," she purred when the 'com buzzed.
"Bix?"
She jolted upright. "Brasso? What are you doing here?"
The door swished open to reveal her old friend, looking as baffled as she felt. "In my own flat?"
"Wha - " She stepped back and looked around. The spotchka she'd drunk at the pub had blurred her perception so she hadn't noticed the colorful mugs lined up on his windowsill, or the plant hanging just where the drainpipe would drip water into it, either of which should have tipped her off that she was at the wrong place.
"Shit," she said. "I must've turned a row too early. I was on my way - well. Never mind. Sorry, Brass."
"It's all right." He cocked his head. "You're out late."
She crossed her arms. "I was having a few drinks. Is that all right?"
He didn't take the bait. He usually didn't.
Ahhh, what was she getting bitchy for? It was just Brass being big-brotherish as usual. "Really. Sorry to bother you. See you."
"Have a good night," he said, forehead still folded in concern.
She turned to go and wobbled dangerously. Damn. How many drinks had she had?
"Here, Bix," he said behind her.
"Yeah?"
"Maybe I'd better walk you home. Or wherever you're going."
She was just drunk enough to want to snap, I'm not going to stagger into the drainage ditch and drown like your sot of a dad.
Just sober enough not to hurt her friend in that way.
And because his dad had met his end in that ditch, Brasso worried. What could it hurt to let him walk her home so he wouldn’t worry?
"Yeah, okay," she said finally. "Home's probably . . . best. Right now."
"Mmm." He snagged a raggedy cardigan and folded it over his arm. He didn't lock the door behind himself. This was Ferrix, after all.
They walked down the row, and she felt him glancing over at her now and then. "So," he said, elaborately casual, when they'd turned down Rix Road. "You and Timm Karlo, is it."
She wasn't surprised. A lot of people thought Brasso was stupid because he was big and quiet and kind, and he let them think it, as far as she could tell. But he knew Timm lived one row over, in another of the tiny flats that all looked the same.
"You don't approve," she said.
"You're a grown woman," he said, instead of denying the accusation. "You conduct your affairs as you see fit."
"So to speak?"
He gave her an intensely mild look. Oh yeah. He hated it.
She hugged her elbows against the cool night air. "It's just casual," she found herself explaining. "It's just for fun, okay?"
"Okay." He held out the cardigan.
She batted it away. "Kriff, Brass, it's Ferrix. My only options are someone I've known since diapers or someone who's only going to be in town for an evening."
"Or Cassian," Brasso observed. "But that ship has flown."
"Yeah. And exploded."
They both snorted with laughter, muffling it behind their hands for the sake of the dark-windowed houses they walked past. It wasn't funny, really, but when it came to her history with Cassian Andor, laughter was better than throwing things.
"Where is he, these days?" she asked. "And what's he up to?"
"Oh, who knows. Nothing good, probably."
"But when he comes back, you'll invite him round for a drink again." She tried to make it a joke and didn't quite succeed.
"Cassian's - " He paused, sighed. "Cassian's always needed something more than what we've got here. I don't blame him for it, is all. Don't get me wrong. He's done plenty to blame him for."
"I really blame him for all that money he owes me," she contributed.
"Same," he said. "But I don't blame him for what he needs, just because I - we - can't give it to him."
She hugged her elbows tighter and screwed up her mouth. That was probably a healthy way of looking at it. One she should adopt. But then, Brasso had always been a kinder person than her.
He held out his cardigan again. This time she took it. He was so much taller than her that it fell to her knees and wrapped double over her front. It smelled like him, oil and hot metal, familiar and comforting.
"Anyway," she said. "What's your problem with Timm?"
He veered into the subject change easily, as if he'd seen it coming. "I've got no problem with Timm."
"Bullshit."
"I don't. He's fine. Works hard, doesn't cheat locals."
"Then what's your problem with me and Timm?"
He didn't say anything for a few minutes, and she thought she was going to have to prod him, when he said, "So, it's casual. That's what you said."
"Yeah," she said, fisting her hands in the pockets of the cardigan. If he was going to get judgmental on her -
"It's just, he doesn't feel casually about you."
She blinked, mouth hanging open for a good five seconds before she snapped it shut. "What has he said?"
"He hasn't said anything. Not to me."
"So you, what? You just know?"
"I keep my eyes open," he said.
"You think I'm going to break his heart."
"I'm not fussed about Timm's heart. That's his lookout. I'm worried he'll try to pull you along into something you don't want."
She stopped on a street corner to look up at him. Everyone else she'd talked to about Timm had gone on about how steady he was, how he had a good job. Would be a good provider.
She didn't need to be provided for. She was doing all her own providing. She just wanted someone to get naked with on occasion, not somebody to give her babies and forever. Not yet.
Misinterpreting her silence, Brasso said, "Now, if you do want it, just tell me. Shut your mouth, Brasso."
He had his hands in his pockets. She shifted closer and threaded her arm through his, giving a little tug to keep them walking. "Like I could. Don't worry, Brass. I'll make sure he knows casual is all he's getting from me."
"Mmm," he said. "You so sure he'll listen?"
"Of course he will."
"Mmm," he said again, and didn't say anything more until they cut into the alley next to her shop and stopped at the side entrance. "Here's you."
She let go of him to unlock the door and then remembered something she'd been fixing for him. "Hey, I've got that caf maker all ready for you."
He looked pleased. "Have you?"
"Yeah, come in and get it. That way you'll have nice warm caf in the morning instead of the instant shit."
He followed her through the yard, putting his hand out only once when her foot caught on a junked up speeder, flat on the ground.
"Thanks." She unlocked the back door of the shop and patted around the shelf next to the door until she found it. "Hah. Here. She'll work twice as good now."
"I have no doubt," he said, tucking the caf machine under his arm. "What do I owe you?"
"I put it on your account. And I don't want to see a chitty of it before payday, you hear?" He was making inroads on his dad's medical bills since he'd got promoted to shift head, but he was still struggling.
"All right. Take a pain tab and drink a bottle of water before bed."
"Yes, Dad."
He tugged her braid lightly. "Never mind your sass, you'll thank me for it in the morning."
She would, and after the walk and the talk, she was just softened up enough that she didn't spit at him for it.
The bored, restless, jagged feeling that had been haunting her all evening had dissipated, too. Maybe she needed to spend time with Brasso more often, instead of just exchanging hellos when she saw him in passing.
She walked him back to the street entrance so she could lock up behind him. As he turned down the street, she leaned out the door. "Hey, Brass!"
"Yeah?"
"Thanks for walking me home."
"Anytime."
She closed the yard door, crossed the yard carefully, and went into her house. Ah, kriff. She still had his cardigan.
She shrugged and pulled it around herself. She'd get it back to him, sooner or later.
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While I’m working on the final chapter for my 2021 ranking, I will announce the obvious: I am of course NOT going to do a full 2022 pre-show ranking lol. There’s no time, and besides, I would be forced to rank 2022 twice, back-to-back and there’s no fun in that!
So instead, I will do it here, JUST to have a pre-show order of sorts. Can you guess which songs I’m refering to by merely reading these acid-laced descriptions?
Also um, spoiler: I don’t like this year much.
In 40th place, the fuckin’ Todrick Hall song
In 39th place, oh great another overdramatic theatre gay.
In 38th place, “Boys With Emotions”, the Salvaduncan remix.
In 37th place, “I am gnome”
In 36th place, Rock ‘n’ Roll Gays
In 35th place, vegan Pollapönk
In 34th place, hola mi bébébé
In 33rd place, some kid attempting a 90s Not joke.
In 32nd place, ASTOUNDINGLY, we finally find Bulgaria.
In 31st place, the worst lyrics of the year (”The battle of the life is bigger than you know // to act so selfishly is unforgiveable // the air is what they need, the air is what they breathe // THEY DIE WITHOUT IT!!! IT’S UNFORGIVEABLE!!!” is there a bdex for text?)
In 30th place, a handsome ghoul.
in 28th and 29th place, two songs that have a dead first minute: One of them transitions into a midtempo pop ballad while the other becomes an uptempo poprock song, you get no points for guessing which one I prefer.
In 27th place, right above Denmark, the song whose country I WOULD have guessed as Denmark if I hadn’t known any better. (also this song DOES sound like Elhaida Dani, what’s up with that?)
In 26th place, staggered dithering to a Yohio track.
In 25th place, a camp pastiche of Green Day.
In 24th place, drunk uncles at a peasant wedding.
In 23rd place, one of the biggest EDM disasters WAITING to happen. I am of course refering to We Are Domi, d’uh..
In 22nd place, spoken word (with an insipid song built around it I guess)
In 21st place, some likeable Hellene filler
In 20th place, You don’t wanna test mah limits...x
In 19th place, “Willow” by Taylor Swift.
In 18th place, the biggest bullshitters in the universe, if only they could bs themselves into actually going viral...x
In 17th place, a lowish ranking for Kalush because I don’t condone bad sportsmanship. (#VidbirWasn’tRiggedGiveItARest #LeaveEnvelopeLadyALOOOONE)
In 16th place, again, SHOCKINGLY, we somehow find Malta’s slice of generic Swedish scammer schlock? It could have been even higher if Hamilton Travel had paid me more for the sponsorship.
In 15th place, a good Aviicii tribute, how nice that Estonia get to pretend they’re Swedish for another year.
In 14th place, a deepfake
In 13th place, ALSO a deepfake?! but this one is accompanied by a Gabri Ponte protégé, so a bonus point for that.
In 12th place, the most popular entry amongst Spanish border guards
In 11th place, QUEEN Ronela only because the new drop bangs less than the original!
In 10th place, a charming bunch of kids living the adventure of a life time.
In 9th place, booty hypnotic, make it want mo mo mo mo
In 8th place, @Itsamemaro
in 7th place, adlib queen <3
In 6th place, the worst kept secret in the universe <3
In 5th place, country aunties / haim hags / incoming shock qualifier queens
In 4th place, the winner of Eurovision 2022
In 3rd place, 🦉😂
In 2nd place, Competent Tanxugueiras + the man who moistened all of Europe through sheer eyecontact.
In 1st place, Konstrakta because sanitation of both the body and mind are of paramount importance!
Here’s a fun graphic giving you some visual perspective:
WILL THIS HOLD AFTER ESC 2022?! Probably not (I’m already looking for excuses to rank Brividi dead last <3) but this is what it looks like going into rehearsals!.
(ESC2021′s top five will be up in a few days)
