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I’m cured!
—oh, no, not of my chronic illness(es).
I went for a short walk down my driveway to retrieve the empty garbage bin, and I felt so terrible by the end of it that it cured me of the self doubt and shame I was feeling surrounding the fact that I don’t have a job. Like—oh yeah! That’s why! I’m disabled.
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Me when I haven't showered in over a week
Me when I
I love being told that the help I'm given means I owe something to the person who helped me 🙃 Like don't help me, then.
Part of my body wants to be sitting up nice and straight, and other parts of my body wants to be lying down horizontal, and I wish there was a way to somehow do both at the same time
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Gotta go see my cardiologist today. Not looking forward to it. Not expecting it to be helpful. Not expecting to be listened to. Sigh.
Fucking FUck, dude; why does LYING DOWN hurt? Why does that have to be one of the things that hurts? Bc it’s also one of the things that Helps, when it comes to my other symptoms. But also—fuck! Ouch!
Earlier today I was feeling that thing that creeps in every now and again, where I feel guilty and like I’m not doing enough or trying hard enough or like I could contribute more to my family if I would just push myself more, because maybe its not even that bad, maybe I’m just being overly cautious, etc.
Anyway, now I’m fucking miserable, and it’s like….yep. Right. Oh yeah. Nope, can’t even handle a day of very light activity, no responsibilities, and being very good to my body. Can’t even handle taking a shower tonight.
And it suck, yeah, but it’s also kind of validating. A good reminder, in any case.
