I used to hear the advice âyou need to learn how to say ânoâ to peopleâ and I thought I understood what it meant. I thought people were saying that you need to learn that itâs okay to say ânoâ to things, and let yourself say ânoâ and overcome the fear and whatever other barrier has been keeping you from doing so. And it does mean that; I wasnât wrong.
But the advice was not just that you need to learn to say no, but that you need to learn HOW to say no. And thereâs a little more that goes into that beyond just giving yourself permission to say no, or overcoming fear. Thereâs also the ever complicating calculations that go into deciding when to say no, or maybe, or yes. And there are different ways to say ânoâ as well, and you need to learn how to best communicate your âno.â
Thereâs the factor of timing, as well, that Iâve found is pretty important. Iâve learned that telling someone ânoâ early on (or at least telling them âmaybe but likely noâ) is so much better for everyone than giving a âyesâ that turns into a ânoâ at the last minute. You may feel bad about letting them down, and want to gamble on the possibility that you might be able to make it and avoid that. But itâs better for them to know as soon as possible so they can plan accordingly. Whatâs most inconvenient is to drop out last minute and leave people unexpectedly in the lurch, or needing to alter plans last minute. Best for the solid ânoâ up front.
This got more rambley than intended. Thesis statement: itâs better give a ânoâ up front than to give a âyesâ that turns into a ânoâ last minute. Also, there is more to saying ânoâ than just the willingness to say it; it is a skill to be developed and exercised.
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