#post-break up

“And you’re not off the hook either, Abraxas.” You kicked his foot when he gave you an incredulous look, “You gave him my address, that is seriously lame.”

He opened his mouth, warm air clouding around his fair face as he tried to find a rebuttal to his apparent ‘lameness’ before clamming it shut and pouting, “Tom didn’t give me that much of a choice…” he explained, “and even if I did keep my lips sealed about your whereabouts he would’ve forced it out of me regardless.”

“Doesn’t change the fact that I’m still slightly disappointed in you.” You poked him and he sighed in response.

“I did try at first… if that’s any consolation.”

You watched as his grey eyes shifted off to the side as he shrunk into his scarf and long woollen coat. His gloved hands fidgeting with the ridges of his cane which he brought with him everywhere regardless of if he’s going to get squished and shoved about in a club full of sweaty muggles. Your eyes softened, your arms unfolding to pat his arm, “Alright, fine…I’m not that disappointed in you, Abraxas, and I do appreciate you for standing up for me when you did, albeit, very briefly.” 

He offered a small smile as you handed your IDs to the bouncer before being let in. The lights were neon and bright flashing every which way, there was already a sizable crowd of muggles throwing their hands in the air and jumping to a bass-heavy remix of ‘Misery Business’, while others opted for brightly coloured and carbonated alcoholic drinks at the bar. 

You and Abraxas were part of the latter crowd – sinking down into a pair of barstools and ordering a vodka cranberry while Abraxas ordered some kind of whiskey. You leaned your chin against the palm of your hand as you waited for your drink, watching as Abraxas folded his scarf. “So…how’s Priscilla?”

“She’s doing well.” He answered pleasantly, shifting with some discomfort as he tried to find a suitable way to rest against the barstool, “We’re trying for a baby.”

You blinked at that, “Oh!” you uttered, sitting up straighter, “Wait…for real?”

“Yes.” he nodded.

“But…aren’t you like…21?” 

She’s sleeping when he arrives, and besides the bandage on her forehead she looks fine, but the sight of her in a hospital bed will always hit him like a blow to the chest. Her doctor gives him a sceptical glance out the corner of his eye as he lists her injuries, the fractured tibia and the cracked rib, and he can’t help but wonder how pathetic he must seem; unkempt hair and two months of beard growth, the ratty sweats he’d been wearing for three days. 

The seat by her bed is uncomfortable, tacky vinyl that creaks when he slumps down into it, and he settles in for a vigil that’s become so routine to him over the decades. Her hair’s longer than when she left, and her cheeks look slightly hollower, but overall she looks healthy; a far cry from many of the times he’s sat by her bedside. 

It’s an hour before she stirs, and at her first groan, he’s up and scanning her face for the first flicker of recognition, the smile that always brightens her eyes when she wakes to him by her side. She grunts, her eyes peeling open, and as soon as they catch on him she huffs a sigh and shakes her head, slipping her eyes shut again. ‘Scully?’

‘You look like shit, Mulder,’ she mutters, her voice gravelly and raw. It’s not what he’d expected, and he realises he’d hoped she’d take one look at him and declare just how much she’s missed him, just how much she regrets leaving. ‘What’re you doing here?’

‘The hospital called. You hit a patch of ice; totalled your car. Apparently, you were very lucky - it could have been much worse. I’m still down as your emergency contact.’ His energy has been sapped suddenly, the disgruntled look she’s giving him weighing heavy on his chest. 

‘I haven’t gotten around to changing it yet. I was gonna put Mom down, but she was moving and I wanted to wait until she had her new address, and then I must have forgotten.’ He gives a curt nod, drops back down into his chair. ‘You don’t have to stay. I’m fine.’

‘In all the years you’ve known me, when have I ever left your side?’

She gives a half-hearted scoff, cracks an eyelid, ‘you mean, aside from all the times you ditched me to jump on trains or investigate your own personal theories?’ 

‘Yeah, aside from all those times.’

Her eyes close again, and she twists her head to face away from him. ‘Last year. You left me last year.’

‘What? Scully, you left me. You ran away, you gave up. I never went anywhere.’

‘Not physically,’ she sighs, ‘but you left first. I was drowning, and you didn’t even notice. Something you never learned, Mulder, was that sometimes the only person you can save is yourself.’

‘I didn’t… you didn’t say anything.’

She clears her throat, trying to keep the tremor from her voice, ‘I shouldn’t have had to.’ 

They lapse into silence, the ambient beeps of the hospital filling the space between them, and he thinks perhaps that she’s fallen back to sleep, readying himself to settle in for the night, when she turns back to look at him, ‘you really do look terrible. When was the last time you slept properly?’

He could tell the truth, tell her he hasn’t slept properly since before she left, but he can hear the guilt in her voice, and as much as he thinks she possibly deserves it, he loves her too much to not absolve her of it, ‘couple of days. S’okay, really. I’m used to it.’

‘I thought it got better for a time.’

‘It did, for a time,’ when she was by his side, at least. But he couldn’t put that on her, couldn’t make her regret saving herself. 

He’d once said they had communication, unspoken, and maybe that had lapsed, maybe they had never been all that good at it in the first place, but she seemed to hear him now. ‘You know, there’s room up here for two, if you’re careful.’

‘Scu-’

‘One-time offer, and it’s only on the table for the next thirty seconds,’ she grunts as she shuffles to give him room, quirking an eyebrow when he hesitates with one shoe off. He climbs up next to her, settling himself next to her, not quite touching, until she sighs into him, resting her head on his shoulder. 

‘I am trying to get better,’ he whispers, his voice choked with emotion, ‘I just don’t know how.’

‘I know. And I’ll always be proud of whatever progress you make.’

‘I may have been a shitty husband, but I never stopped loving you.’

‘I know,’ she murmurs into the darkness, ‘I never stopped loving you either. But we’re not good for each other.’ He wants to argue, wants to fight her tooth and nail on that point, but her head is getting heavier on his shoulder, her breathing getting deeper, and he doesn’t want to upset her. ‘Mulder?’

‘Hmm?’

‘You’re not the only one who sleeps better with company.’

Even as everyone stood to see the bride, his gaze never left Eddie’s form. Abby yanked on his arm finally pulling him away and toward Eleven. Her dress was a blush princess gown, she carried black daisies, her only jewelry was her smile. Her arm was wrapped in Hopper’s as they moved, her eyes never looked away from Dustin and his never moved from her.

He teared up as Dustin wiped his face. He remembered that feeling. Seeing the love of your life walk to you, looking as beautiful as ever. His first wedding was full of that heart stopping, lung filling, joy. He couldn’t help but look at Eddie again, hoping their eyes would meet. But no, he watched El with a sad smile, a few stray tears sliding down his face. Steve selfishly hoped he was thinking the same thing.

The reception was...exactly what he would expect from Eleven. So many candles and colors. Flowers everywhere, but there were touches of Dustin too. D20 candle holders were the centerpieces and the food was Dustin’s favorite: grilled salmon with a honey glaze.

Steve tried to engage with the people at his assigned table, but he wasn’t very enthused. The only people from Hawkins who weren’t in the bridal party were the parents and siblings of the kids-now adults- of the party. Somehow, exchanging parenting tips with Karen Wheeler was not on his wedding agenda. By the time dinner ended, Steve was ready to drown himself in champagne.

Then the speeches started...and he willed lighting to strike him. Max’s speech was beautiful. Anecdotes about their childhood spent together, omitting the monster stuff but Steve knew the truth. “I hope you and Dustin live a long and happy life together Ellie. And remember, if he breaks your heart, I’ll break his bones.” The room laughed but those who knew her, knew Max would do it.

Eddie was up next, Steve slumped down more in his chair. “Dustin I hope you know how lucky you are” he began with a chuckle. “El is a great woman and don’t forget she has super powers.” Those in the know laughed as Eddie continued his speech. A few stories of how they met and Dustin’s more...creative experiments. He looked at the crowd and Steve knew the moment he saw him, his eyes widened before he schooled his expression.

“Seeing you at the alter tonight, promising to love each other until the end, I knew you meant it. Dustin, El, you two made me believe in love again. Seeing your relationship change from friendship to full blown love has been...amazing. The two of you have that old soul type of love.” He glanced at Steve again.

“Not to get too into it but I went through a divorce some years ago that made me bitter.” Eddie said, his eyes never leaving Steve. “I hated my ex, I hated love, I hated...myself.” Steve gasped. “But Dustin,” he turned to the groom. “You wouldn’t let me wallow. You practically dragged me by the ear out of my misery. You said ‘don’t let the heartbreak drag you down. Channel that shit!’” Dustin chuckled and smiled big.

“You played the most metal concert once, you can write the most metal album now” Dustin yelled, likely repeating what he’d said those years ago, causing the party to groan good-naturedly.

“You’re the reason for our third album, man.” Eddie’s band cheered from a table over, startling Steve. He hadn’t realized they were here. He saw Wayne sitting at their table and felt his heart twinge. He was older now, but he still looked good. Like he could kick Steve’s ass.

Eddie turned to El next. “El, you said to me, ‘boys lie. Men love their partners.’ Words of wisdom given to you by Max and Joyce, that you gave to me.” He grabbed his champagne flute and held it in toast. “Thanks to you two, I could forgive my ex, I could forgive myself, and I was able to get back out there and find love again.”

Steve heart dropped, though as he glanced at Abby, he supposed he shouldn’t be upset that Eddie moved on. Even if he felt the green monster peak out.

“Dustin, you’re one hell of a man! Thank you for letting me be a part of your wedding, and sharing in your joy. And though, she can’t be with us here today, I know that Lyla would stand with me and say Congrats you two! Long live the Hoppersons!” Eddie declared before he took a sip of his champagne. “Now, DJ? The first dance please.” He stepped off the dance floor to let the couple take their place before he reached for the flower girl being held in Nancy’s arms.

The little girl looked adorable in her pink dress. She had on a black ribbon like a belt and pink ribbon braided through her hair just like Eddie’s, when he spun her around Steve’s jaw dropped. She had Eddie’s big brown doe eyes. Steve stood shocked to his core as the two giggled together.

Eddie Munson, had a daughter.

Steve couldn’t believe it. He didn’t think Eddie actually wanted kids and the petty part of him wondered if he knocked a girl up on accident or had one to spite Steve. But just as quickly, he hated himself for thinking something so awful. Especially when Abby grasped his hand; sh e’d been an unplanned pregnancy. W hat was that phrase Robin used to use you shouldn’t throw stones if you live in a glass house.

He watched Hopper and Eleven take the floor, then Claudia and Dustin. The two parent dances brought tears to his eyes and a sadness to his heart, he and Eddie skipped them since Steve’s parents didn’t approve and with Wendy...they barely had a wedding, let alone a reception.

The DJ invited everyone to the dance floor and he took Abby to join in at her insistence. She pulled him into the crowd and wrapped herself around Dustin’s leg.

“Yay Uncle Dustin!” She shouted at him. Dustin lit up and lifted his niece into his arms, swung her around, before turning to pull Steve into a hug.

“Hey man! You made it!” He shouted over the music, Eleven pulling him into a hug next.

“Thank you for coming Steve and Abby.” El said in that quiet way of hers.

“Thanks for the invite! How have you been?” He asked. As the three danced, they caught up. Steve telling them about his divorce, Dustin telling him how he proposed.

A few songs in, the flower girl came up to Eleven and pulled on her sleeve. She turned to the girl and bent to her level. “Yes, Lily?” She asked. The little girl, Lily apparently, waved her hand down so she could whisper in Eleven’s ear. El stood and nodded, Steve watched as Lily hugged Dustin’s leg, before she scurried off back to Eddie. He lifted an eyebrow and Dustin chuckled.

“Dustin, it is time for cake.” She said to her new husband.

“Already?” Steve asked. They just ate dinner.

“Lily asked very nicely.” El said. Based on the way Dustin responded, it was obvious the two adored the little girl.

“Lilith, is our goddaughter.” Dustin said as way of explanation.

Steve was envious of the display. He wished Abby got that kind of reaction out of his friends, but since Wendy hated them all, it was hard to get together. He was envious of Dustin too, he knew Eddie’s daughter in a way Steve didn’t, and likely never would.

As the couple went to cut the cake, Steve took Abby to the little girl’s room. After she took care of her business, they exited the bathroom and bumped into Eddie and his daughter.

The two men stared at each other in silence for a minute, before the girls caught sight of each other. Lily hid behind her dad’s leg but peaked shyly at the other girl. Abby ran over and introduced herself.

“Hi, I’m Abigail, but you can call me Abby. I like your hair!” She said sweetly. Lily looked at Eddie uncertainly. He nodded encouragingly at her and she stepped out from behind him a tiny bit.

She tugged on her braid. “Tank you, my aunt Nancy did it. To match my dad’s”.

“That’s nice! My dad’s hair is too short to do much with it.” She said, in that kid like way that was obvious she was repeating something an adult said. Eddie huffed a laugh. “What’s your name?”

“Wily. Short for Wiwif.” She whispered. The gap from her missing two front teeth made her have a lisp. She looked at her dad again but stepped forward and stuck her little hand out for a shake. “My gwanpa Wayne says when you meet new people you shake deir hands.” Abby grabbed her hand and Lily moved their hands up and down.

“My grandpa’s dead.” Abby said proudly. “I’m eight by the way, how old are you?” Lily holds up four fingers but when Eddie cleared his throat she lifted her thumb. “Five? I remember being five. Wanna play?” She asked confidently with a questioning look at Steve.

“If, Eddie says it’s fine.” Steve said, saying Eddie’s name for the first time all night.

“Can I daddy?” Lily asked excitedly. Eddie looked at Steve, and dropped to a knee in front of Lily.

“All right my little demon. If you want you can. But!” he said to grab her attention again. “What are the rules?” Steve froze for a moment. He never thought Eddie would have rules for his kids.

“Make sure I can see you. If I can’t see you, yell weally loud or find an adult I know. If a stwanger asks me to go somewhewe, ask for the magic woud. If it’s wong, say no. If dey twy to gwab me, bite dem.” Lily replied dutifully.

“Two more” Eddie said encouragingly.

“No means no. Respec bounwies” She said resolutely.

“Alright, go you little gremlin.” Eddie said and laughed as the two girls skipped hand in hand to the dance floor.

The two men stood awkwardly for a moment, but Steve couldn’t let Eddie leave. He wanted to catch up even if it was only for a bit. “You named your daughter Lilith?” Steve asked with a teasing smile. Eddie smiled sheepishly.

“Her mom picked it actually.” He said quietly with a soft smile but a sadness in his eyes. “Lyla’s parents demanded a biblical name. I wanted to name her Jezebel but Lyla said she didn’t want to name her after a traitor.” He chuckled at the irony. “What about you? Why Abigail?” He asked.

“Her mom, Wendy, didn’t want to choose. I opened a book of baby girl names and picked one.” Steve answered with a shrug.

“Is Wendy here?” Eddie asked innocently; but, it made Steve get defensive.

“Nah, we got divorced.” He admitted.

“I’m sorry to hear that.” He said. Steve wanted to ask if he meant it, but chose the safer option.

“I wouldn’t think Eddie ‘fuck the establishment’ Munson would have rules for his kid.” Steve chuckled, it was supposed to be a joke, but it came out accusatory. The tensing of Eddie’s shoulders. wilted Steve a bit.

“Yeah well, my dad wasn’t famous.” He said tightly as if that explained everything. And it did, Steve supposed.

“He kind of was though, wasn’t he?” Steve snorted meanly. Eddie scoffed and moved away.

“Her rules keep her safe. Unlike my father, and yours,” Eddie growled. “I actually care about my daughter, not that you’d know that.” He turned on his heel to go back to the ballroom, but Steve’s hand caught around his wrist.

“Sorry, that was shitty. I shouldn’t criticize how you parent.” Steve admitted.

“Why not? It’s not like you had faith in the type of parent I would be anyway, right?” Eddie asked bitterly.

“That’s not true! I knew you’d be a great parent!” Steve exclaimed. Eddie didn’t react beyond nodding in acknowledgment.

“Abby’s eight?” Eddie asked tilting his head toward the dance floor, clearly wanting to move away from this conversation.

“Yeah? So, what?” Steve asked brazenly. Eddie sighed, defeated.

“Nothing, Steve. Just trying to make conversation, excuse me.” He turned to walk back to the ballroom again.

“I didn’t cheat on you, if that’s what you’re wondering.” Steve called after him aggressively. Eddie stopped but kept his back to him.

“I wasn’t wondering anything, Harrington. I was just asking.” The use of his last name prickled his skin. He’d been Steve Munson until he married Wendy, reverting back to his original name. But he doubted Eddie knew that, so it felt like a low blow.

“You know what Munson?” Steve said angrily. He didn’t know why, but all his resentment toward Wendy, his regret for ending things with Eddie, and now his hurt feelings at being so easily dismissed, were culminating in a bad way. Eddie turned to face Steve. “You can act high and mighty all you want, but you’re here alone too aren’t you?”

“Yeah” Eddie said quietly, his jaw clenched, his eyes wet, and even after all these years Steve knew what he looked like before he cried. After all, it was the last face he ever saw Eddie make before today.

“So, who are you to judge me?” Steve asked but didn’t give him a chance to answer. “Abby’s eight because the girl I went out with a few times after our divorce got pregnant. We got married before she started to show so no one would suspect a thing. She was unhappy, I was unhappy. We got divorced so we could be better parents. It is what it is.”

With a glance at Eddie’s left hand, he scoffed: a gold band sat there, nothing like the silver of his old one. It pissed Steve off, reminded him that he picked out the silver so the rings would blend in with his normal ones, even as Eddie insisted he wanted it to stand out. Undeniable proof that Lyla was better than him. “At least I don’t still wear my wedding ring!” He ranted hypocritically ignoring his old silver band from his marriage with Eddie that hung around his neck for the past ten years.

Eddie didn’t say anything, he just looked at Steve in that way that he used to, like he could see right through him. He knew why it hurt so much to see Eddie happy and with a kid. It was a future he could have had if he wasn’t so scared. He knew it was selfish but he wanted to make Eddie feel a fraction of the pain he did seeing his ex so happy.

“Why’s Lyla not here huh? Lyla get tired of you, too? Life of a musician’s wife too much for her?” Steve snarled. A single tear slid down Eddie’s face but he didn’t bother to wipe it away. Still, he said nothing. It pissed Steve off more. “Answer me! Why’d she leave you? Where is she?” He stepped into Eddie’s face, nose to nose, digging the knife in deep.

“She died.” Eddie said, never breaking eye contact with Steve as he cried silently. His eyes were far away, lost in memories and pain. Those two words took the wind out of Steve’s sails so fast he almost got whiplash. It was only then that he noticed a different wedding band hanging on the necklace with his pick. It was smaller, dainty; Lyla’s ring.

“Eddie…” he began shutting his eyes in regret but was interrupted.

“No, now it’s my turn.” He took a breath. “I honestly asked how old Abby was because I wanted to know. I wasn’t wondering if you cheated because frankly, it doesn’t matter if you did. I stopped worrying about why you threw me away a long time ago.” Steve flinched at the phrasing. “You broke up with me Steve, not the other way around. You filed for divorce. You ended it. You don’t get to be in my face screaming and accusing me of shit just because you’re pissed that I ended up in a happy marriage and you didn’t.” Eddie huffed, his eyes hardened into that look that convinced a whole town he was a murderer.

“And you definitely don’t get to come here and talk about shit you know nothing about. You never met Lyla but if you had, you wouldn’t have said a single thing you just did. We loved each other more than anything. We started trying for a kid because I wanted one. I offered to quit the band, she went to my manager herself, and convinced him to add a clause into the band contract that said we would only tour when the kids were out of school and that I would have a back up guitarist that traveled with us. So that if I ever had to dip out of a show for a kid, I could. She traveled with us, the band loved her, the crew loved her, I love her.” The use of the present tense hit him in the gut.

“She never complained about being on the road, in fact she said it was great for Lily to experience so much of the world. I promised her I would drop everything the second she asked me to, and she actually believed me when I said it.” The emphasis wasn’t lost on Steve. Eddie said the same thing to him, but he never trusted it.

“When I asked her to marry me, she laughed, and pulled out a ring she got to ask me to marry her. She loved me exactly how I am and I know we would have been together for the rest of our lives if it wasn’t for that asshole drunk driver.”

“I’m sorry Eddie. I shouldn’t have said any of that.” Steve said sufficiently chastised. Eddie scoffed.

“You’re right, you shouldn’t have. I get that you’re angry. But don’t take your bullshit out on me, alright? You don’t get to be screaming in my face about my dead wife, because you’re mad you didn’t pull out in time. I was never too much for Lyla, I was enough for her. My love was enough for her! So keep her name out of your mouth.” Eddie growled before he wiped his face on his sleeve and walked away, never looking back.

Steve watched him go, full of even more anger at himself than the last time he saw that look on Eddie’s face: pure heartbreak. Because of Steve’s insecurities. Again.