#poisonedmind

Sometimes we used to wish that something horribly traumatic like we'd seen in movies, or heard referenced as a horrible thing to happen to someone, would happen to us.

And honestly it's weird, looking back on it and knowing what I know now. Because things were actually pretty dramatically bad. But part of how we personally operate is to split the memories between us.

So because we didn't really have an idea of the true extent of it individually, and the events that we weren't dissociated from didn't look enough like the trauma we had seen/heard represented, we were left confused.

Even unaware of the extent of what was happening, we identified with these portrayals of scarred people. We longed for the support and help that they received in these stories.

So maybe we just wanted things to be bad enough that we would be worth saving. Maybe things would eventually get bad enough that we wouldn't be able to hide it and someone would just.. help.

I know now that things were bad, and in fact even the things that we remembered at the time were bad enough to deserve help. It was just so normal for us we didn't know it was abuse.