#pf-did

i cannot begin to count them all (it's impossible since a lot r so underdeveloped and just hold like one single thing almost like they're fragments or smth lol) but i am curious if u have anywhere to start in terms of like. find brain something other than split to do when only minor trauma happens so i can be a little more stable.

my therapist has not been good for me lately and im actively searching for a new one but it's taking a bit. i have a good psychiatrist but i just want to be able to try and help myself a little beyond just getting meds straight yk? and i look up to ur blog since ur well-read and stuff <3

sorry for anon just dont want to out myself as more traumatized than i seem bc Scary

also u definitely do not have to reply, ik u put a lot of time and work into writing and u may not have it atm!! ur very cool and i hope ur having a wonderful day

Hey, anon. I’m so sorry it has taken me so long to get to this. I have severe issues getting things done until it just Happens, sometimes and I hope you’re doing okay. I completely misremembered this ask as well and had come up with a plan to respond to it a certain way only to realize that, I don’t need to do any of that. Whoops.

Splitting happens often in polyfragmentation because the child begins to dissociate very young. Like, pre-mobility young. This can be from something like stressful things in the environment/yelling/really anything that would stress a baby to the point of triggering fight or flight. Which is a lot of shit. It does not always have to be from direct abuse.

The reason this is a factor is because at that time in a child’s life, they are unable to make use of any coping mechanism or response that is NOT dissociation, especially when they don’t receive appropriate comfort from a caregiver.

This effectively means that if you’re polyfragmented, your first and possibly only coping mechanism for a while is dissociation and therefore splitting. The best way to work to break this cycle is to develop new coping mechanisms and work to stabilize, whether that’s in therapy (recommended once you find a therapist that works. I would be up front and honest with any therapist you talk to— don’t want to end up with a therapist that doesn’t work for you. Trust me, it works wonders) or on your own.

This means CBT. This means DBT, sometimes. This means removing yourself from certain situations you know are stressful to you when you’re able, until you’re able to handle them. This means being extremely mindful of your behaviors and why they happen and how you can change them to be healthier, without getting down on yourself and spiraling. This means cutting out unhealthy patterns and unhealthy people and finding new things to do that can help you rather than hinder you.

Finding new coping mechanisms when it comes to something like dissociation isn’t really easy. At all. But it’s necessary to heal. It’s not something that happens fast, but it’s worth it. A great step towards this is grounding when you’re stressed and notice yourself starting to drift off, when your vision starts to get blurry or when you start to feel detached. This requires a lot of mindfulness and practice, which really mainly consists of paying attention to your behaviors without assigning any value to them. Just making sure that you know what you’re doing. It’s extremely important when it comes to trauma responses, and can be very revealing and help you to be the best you that you can be.

You can use whatever grounding technique you like, but a few of my favorites are:

Looking around the room you’re in and naming/talking about objects (out loud helps) and maybe even their stories and how they relate to you. Whatever comes naturally.

Remind yourself of the exact date and time. Year, month, day, time. Your location. That whatever has happened is not happening right now, and that you are in the present and safe.

Run your hands under ice cold water/feel something cold/shit, I have put ice cubes in my clothes before. I’ve stepped out into the snowy weather before. Sudden, severe temperature change can jolt you back to reality.

Splash cold water on your face. This actually triggers an instinct that humans have called the Plunge Response, and will force you to breathe deeply and a few other things that are amazing for grounding. It works.

Remember that meds are only part of the solution. You won’t get far with just medication, as it seems like you know. You need to first stabilize on your own and in therapy and develop healthy coping mechanisms, and then you’ll be able to process the traumas you’ve experienced safely. Without stabilization, this is unadvisable. I did trauma processing before stabilization when I was younger. It fucked me up. I split, certain alters became known to me that I wasn’t ready for, and I was stuck in that place for a long time. Be careful and don’t deep dive until you’re ready. The therapist you have needs to know how to treat complex trauma and stabilize you, and you need to work towards stabilization on your own as well.

“Intense emotions” can be stressful though so… I’m not sure of what the difference is? It sounds stressful to me at least. ^^; I’m also told that the system will split if it feels necessary… granted, stress is pretty much a massive trigger for us but is it possible to split without stress (or maybe just a little bit of stress) and just a need for some reason?

Also, I was reading about your information about polyfragmented systems and really great info, but I’m still lost on the trauma aspect of it. I’m told that the severity trauma depends on the person or child in this instance. You mention prolonged, extreme levels of traumatic experiences. What are your examples of this? Also is it possible that a child would take their trauma as severe and prolonged despite it say… not being extreme in comparison of other traumas?

I speak as, who we believe to be, polyfrag system and I’m constantly in doubt if whether or not my trauma (whatever memory I have of it) was enough to cause this. But having more information is great because that could possibly lead me closer to the right answers. If you answer this ask, is it okay if I forward your info to my therapist?

i’m mostly referring to the people that say you can split from positive intense emotions. intense emotions as an umbrella for all emotions you experience that might be intense, rather than just stress/trauma and emotions related to stress/trauma. if experiencing intensely positive emotions is stressful to you, that’s still stress. if it causes a split, that’s still caused by stress, and then, it wouldn’t even be “positive emotions” you’re experiencing, but rather just stressful ones.

traumas commonly associated with polyfragmentation include things like child trafficking and child pornography, as well as things like ritual abuse and trauma-based mind control, though those aren’t the only kinds of trauma that are associated with it. you’re somewhat correct that the severity of trauma depends on the child, but what specifically can set a child up for polyfragmentation is how early the trauma starts.

often times it starts very early, as early as infancy or >4. this doesn’t mean someone is necessarily abusing a baby, (though that can be the case), but rather that they are exposed to many stressful events, such as domestic abuse and assault, neglect, or medical trauma from a very early age, that can be incredibly stressful and terrifying to a baby, which causes the child to rely on dissociation as a coping mechanism from a very early age. this is what sets a child up for polyfragmentation, where you use dissociation as a default coping mechanism first and foremost before you even have the ability to form other ones, including unhealthy ones.

from there, the trauma continues from infancy to childhood in various forms and is often complex, including things like incest, parentification, neglect, physical abuse, sexual abuse, verbal abuse, emotional abuse, removal of autonomy, bullying and peer-abuse, religious/spiritual abuse, in the case of many neurodivergent and disabled children, trauma from ableism, in the case of systems of color, trauma from racism, etc. 

Also is it possible that a child would take their trauma as severe and prolonged despite it say… not being extreme in comparison of other traumas?

i mean it’s probable, i’m not one to say what is and isn’t traumatic for a child. it just has to start very early and continue on for a very, very long period of time.

and yeah, there are plenty of polyfragmented systems that are so from trauma that is objectively not as bad as others. victims of very long-term abuse from very controlling parents might not have gone through something as extreme as being a victim of child pornography.

I speak as, who we believe to be, polyfrag system and I’m constantly in doubt if whether or not my trauma (whatever memory I have of it) was enough to cause this.

think less about if your trauma was “enough” and more about traits consistent with polyfragmented systems and take a look at how that compares to traits within your own system. traits of polyfragmented systems often include things like the following:

complex internal organizations of alters, (subsystems, layers, large inner worlds)

complex splitting patterns, (splitting multiple alters at once, iterative alters (where an alter splits off a fragment, that fragment becomes elaborated over time, and then splits off a fragment, and so on)

complex alters, (having “copies” of the same alter, alters with alters/parts, fragments that may group together and function as one, etc)

fractal splitting, where an alter splits into two (or more), etc)

extremely high levels of dissociation

100+ alters is often the number given for how many you “have” to have to be polyfragmented, but you don't have to have that many; you can be polyfragmented and have >100, or you can not be polyfragmented and have over 100. i know systems like both of these

one of the biggest things in polyfragmented systems is having a smaller number of fully elaborated, named parts than the number of unelaborated fragments. you may have 150 alters, but only 50 alters are known by name and are known to be fully elaborated, while the other 100 or so are not fully identified fragments. 

As for the poly stuff, we have all of that except for high levels of dissociation? We dissociate but it often comes in waves so what does “high levels” mean?

Other than that, honestly thank you so much! I really appreciate it. It sounds like I got tripped up over words too. I’m not a huge fan of “severe trauma” it seems… I keep thinking it means like, war. xD Thank you.

"high levels of dissociation" doesn't really refer to how much you dissociate but rather how dissociated your system is. "dissociation" in DID is a much further separation from yourself, and that's how you get parts/alters; all alters (host is an alter) are just a singular consciousness that didn't get to become singular using dissociation to separate itself from itself to protect itself from trauma and other trauma-related stuff.

"high levels of dissociation" refers to how separated those parts are. having very differentiated alters is something common in highly dissociated systems, as well as more amnesia and confusion, some alters may have no memory of trauma and deny it happened at all, whereas some alters may have all memories of trauma, or some of them, some alters may know entire languages that the rest of the system doesn't know or have access to.