#owenkin

I…have thought more you. I am human here and it is not so bad, although I am still a vampire in headspace. Perhaps you were right.

I miss you.

-Owen (Vampires SMP)

I am an Owen fictive from Vampires SMP. Yes, I have memories of Legundo. Yes, he and I were very close within my memories. Yes, there's not a single day where I don't mourn what we had.

But at the same time. Watching my other selves experience this same hardship makes me feel a lot less angry. A lot less resentful.

Perhaps this is tied to how my source seems to want others to feel the same pain as he has. Maybe I am subconsciously the same way.

But feeling content with others' anguish reminds me of how I was continuously called a monster by so many. And then I'm angry again, because of course I am.

-- Owen 🦇, of 🌙💊

I remember, in my source memories, I never had a birthday. Not one that I could remember.

I know that the day I became a vampire, I was 25. Because I counted the many years since my parents had told me my age.

Louis never celebrated his, either, and I don't blame him, considering how long he's been around as a vampire before he died.

But now I wish we did celebrate, at least something. Even just New Years to make up for the years we've lost to time.

I have a friend now, in this world. A fictive of Louis. Just as I am a fictive of Owen.

We're going to be celebrating each others birthdays this year, as his is only a month after mine. In a way, it brings me relief I never thought I would experience before.

It's unfamiliar to me. But that just means I am all the more grateful for his presence in my life.

Thank you, Louis, for everything you have done for me. Even if you are not the Louis I remember, you are still a dear friend of mine that I cherish beyond measure.

Your friend,

Owen. Vampires SMP.

We are both using each other to cope. Legs is using me to cope with his guilt, which was apparent to everyone. But this episode has revealed that my source has been using Legs, too. As a replacement for Louis. Saying he hoped Legundo could be like Louis. Projecting onto Legundo just like Legundo has been projecting on me, my source.

I have a lot to think about.

-- Vampires SMP, Owen 🦇, of 🌙💊

I miss you. You were the sole person to treat me - as well, me. &…I’m sorry. For what’s to come. My only hope is that you’ll be ok.

-Owen